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Old 04-29-2020, 11:18 AM
 
1,534 posts, read 625,479 times
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I would blame the age more than the playdates.

And move the bedtime earlier. It could be that she is overtired, hence the freaking out.
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Old 04-29-2020, 12:44 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gus2 View Post

And move the bedtime earlier.
Yeah, it would be helpful to know what time the bedtime process starts.

The OP mentioned that he was posting at 10:20, but she had only been going at it for a half-hour.

This problem usually is just about retraining her to expect a new routine, and NOT caving to her unreasonable demands. But the parents will need to be retrained also.
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Old 04-29-2020, 12:59 PM
 
Location: Guangzhou, China
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bridge781 View Post
How have you been able to have play dates given the pandemic situation?
We live in a city in China which had low infection rates (at least officially) and has had the lockdown lifted for about two months now... But keep in mind it hit us way earlier. Im an American expat, my wife is a Chinese national, our daughter is mixed.
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Old 04-29-2020, 01:15 PM
 
Location: Guangzhou, China
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Ok, today, she had a playdate with a different friend for a few hours and when I picked her up, she was starting to act pretty naughty (she has two obvious, obnoxious gibberish sounds she starts repeating in the early stages of a fit). I warned her we would go straight home instead of the park if she started, which she took as a challenge... So I took her home where the tantrum began.

It didn't take long until she started screaming and then took a toy to throw at me - exactly the same as our friend's boy did to his mom in front of her... So, I warned her that if she didn't apologize to me and stop, the toy was going in the trash. She screamed again and tried to hit me, so the toy went in the trash and she lost it. I picked her up, out her in her room, closed the door, and held it shut for about 20 minutes, with her*hitting the door and screaming. Eventually, she ran out of steam and when I opened it, she the her arms around me and said she was sorry. I told her why I was upset and had her repeat it back to me. The rest of the night (about 4 hours), she was sweet and we played; she eventually feel asleep on her own with no drama.

So, hopefully we can replicate this later...
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Old 04-29-2020, 01:48 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
48,404 posts, read 46,677,077 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 415_s2k View Post

So, hopefully we can replicate this later...
Hopefully NOT, at least not for long.

These kinds of tantrums aren't meant to be dealt with like a fire that pops up. You need to address it big-picture style, with a look at her entire day and how that is structured.

Three years old is REALLY young. What time does she go to bed? Does she still nap during the day?

Is one of her parents caring for her, or is she in some kind of day care or have a nanny?

What is her diet like?
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Old 04-29-2020, 02:15 PM
 
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I am a parent of a son on the autistic scale.


When you mentioned that your daughter started making these obnoxious sounds that she does sometimes, it made me wonder if maybe it was her 'tic'. Not a tic like uncontrollable muscle tic...but a behavior that a child uses to self-soothe. My son had a couple.


I guess sometimes I think that I see all kids as possibly on the scale...because of my experience...and I'm not saying I know for a fact that your child is on the scale...but maybe think about it.


Kids on the scale do well with having transitional times. They like to know ahead of time what's coming up. "Lucy, when the little hand is on the 8, and the big hand is on the 12, it'll be time to pick up your crayons and put them away, and then I'd like you to pick out a book you'd like me to read to you at bed time." Stuff like that. Or "Lucy, when the big hand and little hand, blah blah blah, it'll be bath time. How about you go pick out a bath toy or 2 to play with during bath time?" Transitions and choices go a long ways to peace.


Also...maybe not throw the toys away. Maybe you could just put it out of her reach for the time being, and tell her she can have it back when she calms down, or the next day or something. Parenting is hard. lol
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Old 04-29-2020, 02:54 PM
 
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OH! And seriously...invest in some ear plugs for your tinnitus. I've had little kids scream right in my ears (accidentally) before, and it cuts like a knife. Ear plugs will help a lot!
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Old 04-29-2020, 02:56 PM
 
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Locking the kid in the room?? Seriously?
Good gravy. The child has had three years on this Earth and locking her up and tossing out an item is creating ..what?
I had a foster brother that threw fits ...from 5 til 9 years of age he slammed smashed and kicked . In to his life though came my foster Dad. That man came in with full on serenity. Not once did he harm the boy. He sat and sat ...and sat some more. Just so he could instill to him that ...this adult male wasn't going to leave him. Wasn't going to harm him. Wasn't going to 'show him who's boss'. After he gained the trust they worked hard at finding ways to adjust to the old ways...each time they used a buzz word. That word was the key for both to know....time out. Need to regroup.

Some three year olds simply do not know how to handle the barrage of emotions they are experiencing....it's overwhelming for them. Be the touchstone. Strong and healing. Kids want guidance and yes reassurance that they are okay and have parents that will guide them thru it.
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Old 04-29-2020, 04:25 PM
 
Location: planet earth
6,625 posts, read 2,744,389 times
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This may sound dumb, but have you had a conversation with her, telling her that her behavior is unacceptable? I would start with that next time she pulls the tantrum stunt. Then I would send her to her room or a time-out zone or whatever. Might create a chart for acceptable behavior, whereby she earns some small treat or privilege. I would definitely let her know the behavior is unacceptable and will not be tolerated. Don't be a victim.
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Old 04-29-2020, 04:30 PM
 
Location: planet earth
6,625 posts, read 2,744,389 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 415_s2k View Post
Ok, today, she had a playdate with a different friend for a few hours and when I picked her up, she was starting to act pretty naughty (she has two obvious, obnoxious gibberish sounds she starts repeating in the early stages of a fit). I warned her we would go straight home instead of the park if she started, which she took as a challenge... So I took her home where the tantrum began.

It didn't take long until she started screaming and then took a toy to throw at me - exactly the same as our friend's boy did to his mom in front of her... So, I warned her that if she didn't apologize to me and stop, the toy was going in the trash. She screamed again and tried to hit me, so the toy went in the trash and she lost it. I picked her up, out her in her room, closed the door, and held it shut for about 20 minutes, with her*hitting the door and screaming. Eventually, she ran out of steam and when I opened it, she the her arms around me and said she was sorry. I told her why I was upset and had her repeat it back to me. The rest of the night (about 4 hours), she was sweet and we played; she eventually feel asleep on her own with no drama.

So, hopefully we can replicate this later...
The strong-arm with the door solution for 20 minutes is going to back-fire over the long term. First of all, you are going to get tired - secondly, I don't think it's good to teach her that you are basically having a power struggle and the strongest person is going to win. When she becomes a teenager, she might win . . . Better to have a time-out area or a "naughty chair" with a time limit (3 minutes, per 3 years of age) or something less labor intensive.

I think throwing the toy away, with the warning, was a good consequence (maybe donate next time).
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