U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Covid-19 Information Page
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
 
Old 05-12-2020, 03:42 PM
 
2,274 posts, read 1,325,763 times
Reputation: 2542

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cat Turd Collector View Post
If the adults responsible for him are unable or unwilling to handle the situation, pushing the responsibility onto a 10-year-old child is about the worst idea ever. It is incredibly irresponsible and unfair to both of them, and will only lead to resentment between the two of them. I’ve know other parents who have resorted to this (sometimes out of necessity, sometimes out of laziness) and it can do irreparable damage to the sibling relationship.

OP: a couple of suggestions.

First talk to his teacher about how flexible you can be with schoolwork; is he expected to be logged in at a specific time each day? If so, talk to his teacher about the situation and work it out so he can do his schoolwork in the evenings and on weekends, when either you or your wife are off duty from work. I was able to negotiate this with my oldest child’s teachers, and it took a lot of pressure off of all of us.

Second, I know this won’t be a popular suggestion, but here goes: talk to his doctor about his medication and whether his dose should be temporarily adjusted, or perhaps switch medications for a while?

Whatever you decide to do, the important thing is he NEEDS structure and routine to feel secure and safe. Any child that age does, but particularly a child with special needs. If your wife won’t help, put her on the back burner for now and work on improving the home environment for your children.
Ok, so jack the poor kid full of mind altering drugs to calm him down but don't let his Sister watch him for a couple of hours per day. Got it. Great suggestion.


I guess I don't have to wonder why our society is collapsing anymore, it's right in front of our faces.
Quick reply to this message

 
Old 05-12-2020, 03:49 PM
 
14,089 posts, read 8,635,613 times
Reputation: 27857
Quote:
Originally Posted by dysgenic View Post
Huh? I'm not seeing that the kid 'has issues'.
Have you read the thread?

At least go back and read the OP's posts.

This is not something a 10 year old can handle.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-12-2020, 03:54 PM
 
Location: Ontario->NY->CT
25 posts, read 5,359 times
Reputation: 81
Quote:
Originally Posted by dysgenic View Post
Ok, so jack the poor kid full of mind altering drugs to calm him down but don't let his Sister watch him for a couple of hours per day. Got it. Great suggestion.


I guess I don't have to wonder why our society is collapsing anymore, it's right in front of our faces.
I have been on ADHD meds for the past 5 years; there is nothing mind-altering about them when the correct medication and dosage is being administered.

To the bolded: ineffective parenting and lack of appropriate boundaries? Yes, I agree that is detrimental to society.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-12-2020, 03:56 PM
 
2,274 posts, read 1,325,763 times
Reputation: 2542
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sundaydrive00 View Post
Have you read the thread?

At least go back and read the OP's posts.

This is not something a 10 year old can handle.
He has problems when he is left alone with nothing to do and no outlet to burn energy off, like a lot of kids. Very typical for that age in my opinion.


Let him play with his Sister- including outside- and they will be fine outside of the occasional bickering/fighting that tends to happen with Siblings. It's a good opportunity for them to develop a better relationship if you ask me.


I would not just leave her and him for the entire 5.5 hours, I will give you that. But 1.5-2 hour chunks? Reasonable in my opinion.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-12-2020, 04:28 PM
 
14,089 posts, read 8,635,613 times
Reputation: 27857
Quote:
Originally Posted by dysgenic View Post
Let him play with his Sister- including outside- and they will be fine outside of the occasional bickering/fighting that tends to happen with Siblings. It's a good opportunity for them to develop a better relationship if you ask me.
Nothing is stopping them from playing together now. If she doesn't want to play with him, it shouldn't be forced on her. Her world has been turned upside down too, and with her parents always fighting, she needs to be able to deal with her feelings in whatever way is safest for her. If that means being alone to read or watch Netflix, then she should be able to do so.

Forcing her to watch her brother because her parents don't want to is not the way to develop a better siblinbg relationship. If anything, it's going to cause resentment.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-12-2020, 04:33 PM
 
2,274 posts, read 1,325,763 times
Reputation: 2542
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sundaydrive00 View Post
Nothing is stopping them from playing together now. If she doesn't want to play with him, it shouldn't be forced on her. Her world has been turned upside down too, and with her parents always fighting, she needs to be able to deal with her feelings in whatever way is safest for her. If that means being alone to read or watch Netflix, then she should be able to do so.

Forcing her to watch her brother because her parents don't want to is not the way to develop a better siblinbg relationship. If anything, it's going to cause resentment.
Oh please, we are talking about a few hours a day so the parents can work and earn money for the family. This isn't some hard labor 24 hour boot camp. How old would she have to be in your mind for this to be reasonable? If she's 11 or 12 it's a no brainer. Ten may be a bit too young but in a pinch for stretches I think it's reasonable.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-12-2020, 04:53 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
48,488 posts, read 46,735,666 times
Reputation: 94890
Quote:
Originally Posted by dysgenic View Post
Oh please, we are talking about a few hours a day so the parents can work and earn money for the family. This isn't some hard labor 24 hour boot camp. How old would she have to be in your mind for this to be reasonable? If she's 11 or 12 it's a no brainer. Ten may be a bit too young but in a pinch for stretches I think it's reasonable.
Nothing about this is reasonable.

The kid ransacks rooms, pees his pants, and screams. You may not like it, but he has a diagnosed disorder. He's not just throwing a fit, and it's not something that can be pawned off on his barely-older sister.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-12-2020, 05:07 PM
 
14,089 posts, read 8,635,613 times
Reputation: 27857
Quote:
Originally Posted by dysgenic View Post
Oh please, we are talking about a few hours a day so the parents can work and earn money for the family. This isn't some hard labor 24 hour boot camp. How old would she have to be in your mind for this to be reasonable? If she's 11 or 12 it's a no brainer. Ten may be a bit too young but in a pinch for stretches I think it's reasonable.
No sibling should be forced to watch the other one, no matter the age of either sibling. The child is the responsibility of the parents (who are home), not the other sibling.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-12-2020, 06:01 PM
 
Location: Dallas TX
15,556 posts, read 22,921,373 times
Reputation: 23787
OP I agree with the others you need to have a talk with your wife about her behavior. It sounds to me like she needs to control everything, everything needs to be perfect or she gets anxious.

I understand her concern with her employer, however she needs to step up to the plate for her family. It shouldn’t be you having to do everything all the time tending to her every whim. The children need to see two parents that are parenting and compromising. I know it’s an extremely difficult time, but hopefully having a discussion with her will be a healthy path forward.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-12-2020, 06:06 PM
 
7,821 posts, read 3,769,351 times
Reputation: 20547
My DIL is licensed and teaches children with these conditions. Her wisdom thru out to the parents when they call her thru this quarantine is: At the start of each year we work with the child and send home some suggestions for the parent and home life. If it wasn't being followed all these years then it's time to start now. Just as she has realistic expectations of her students, she also conveys the same to the home efforts. If parents expected the school to handle them in learning, the school carries a level of cooperation from the parents to follow home adjustments in study and behavior.
OP: hire a college student who has some inkling of this childs challenges. He/she will give a fair accessment and give you both pointers. Sounds like some positive third party guidance are in order.
Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


 

Quick Reply
Message:
Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2020, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top