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As a little update, tonight after dinner we realized that my son had gotten into and destroyed something of my wife's that was hidden under the bed in the playroom (an art project she made in graduate school which really had sentimental value for her). She blew her top at him - I was a bit worried she was going to smack him - she was throwing toys at him and such. She made him clean up the entire playroom (I secretly helped, because it was way too messy for him to clean up before bedtime) then she sent him to bed with no blankets or stuffed animals as punishment.
purpose.
I'd be pissed too if the kid destroyed my cherished item.
Hopefully you're not storing these cherished items in a child's playroom. Especially if that kid is known to be destructive.
The wife is an idiot for storing it there, she should have known better. She should never have taken her anger out on a 6 year old. Throwing things at a 6 year old out of anger is a horrible thing to do. She's supposed to be the adult in the situation and should be able to control her emotions. And if she can't, she's old enough to know to walk away from the situation.
Hopefully you're not storing these cherished items in a child's playroom. Especially if that kid is known to be destructive.
The wife is an idiot for storing it there, she should have known better. She should never have taken her anger out on a 6 year old. Throwing things at a 6 year old out of anger is a horrible thing to do. She's supposed to be the adult in the situation and should be able to control her emotions. And if she can't, she's old enough to know to walk away from the situation.
Being yelled at by a pissed off parent is a consequence of destroying someone's cherished item. He had no right to do that.
Hire a babysitter who has experience with hyperactive children. And when your kids goes back to school, give his teacher a hell of a back-to-school gift.
Unsafe and unfair. If his parents can't get him to behave decently, how is a ten year old supposed to?
No one should be allowed inside now during the virus. Babysit is off limits. Family only
In all fairness we’re not hearing the wife’s side of this. We are only hearing what the husband is saying about her who is clearly upset enough to have come here to vent about it. She sounds very out of line in throwing the toys at a kid but these are rough times. Unfortunately domestic abuse is on the rise right now. I hope she gets it together. I have felt very annoyed with my kids over the past few weeks and just remind myself that they didn’t ask for this and none of this is their fault.
Being yelled at by a pissed off parent is a consequence of destroying someone's cherished item. He had no right to do that.
No, he shouldn't have done that. But again, he's a child. There is no excuse for an adult to THROW items at a child. The mother should be able to control her emotions and not take her anger out on a small child.
If the adults responsible for him are unable or unwilling to handle the situation, pushing the responsibility onto a 10-year-old child is about the worst idea ever. It is incredibly irresponsible and unfair to both of them, and will only lead to resentment between the two of them. I’ve know other parents who have resorted to this (sometimes out of necessity, sometimes out of laziness) and it can do irreparable damage to the sibling relationship.
OP: a couple of suggestions.
First talk to his teacher about how flexible you can be with schoolwork; is he expected to be logged in at a specific time each day? If so, talk to his teacher about the situation and work it out so he can do his schoolwork in the evenings and on weekends, when either you or your wife are off duty from work. I was able to negotiate this with my oldest child’s teachers, and it took a lot of pressure off of all of us.
Second, I know this won’t be a popular suggestion, but here goes: talk to his doctor about his medication and whether his dose should be temporarily adjusted, or perhaps switch medications for a while?
Whatever you decide to do, the important thing is he NEEDS structure and routine to feel secure and safe. Any child that age does, but particularly a child with special needs. If your wife won’t help, put her on the back burner for now and work on improving the home environment for your children.
I read through this entire thread, and I think this is the overall best advice, although I also agree that more physical activity would be great for your son.
I think you made a good decision to check if your son's doctor to see if a different dose or medication for him would be appropriate.
I would add that your wife should probably call her doctor and explain what's going on with her behavior. A trial of Xanax might help her out a lot. She's sounds like she saves up all her stress to spew out all over her family. She needs help.
I would also be worried about your daughter. She's quiet, does what she is supposed to and causes no trouble. I think she must have a lot bottled up inside. She's probably thinking she has to be perfect so things don't totally fall apart.
Give him an iPad with appropriate games and the Youtube Kids app while you work. I guarantee it will work. Or keep doing it the hard way.
My 6 year old ADHD grandson likes Xbox too. We work on his schooling in stages because I'm disabled, can only stand so long. He gets various breaks after doing a subject, can have the tablet with you tube or games or play Xbox.
Thankfully my grandson doesn't have to be logged into a classroom video session.
We're on week 9 of home school. He's been struggling the last 3 weeks, he's so bored with it; was ready to go back to school to see his teachers and friends. The OP's son probably misses that too
Please hire a high schooler or college student to watch him and his sister afternoons. The 10 year old should not be watching tv and netflix 5.5-7 hours a day, either.
You must hire help, since it does not seem either of the parents is willing to take time off from work or rearrange schedules, and it does not sound like the mother is capable of caretaking.
If I were the OP, I would be talking to a divorce lawyer to find out my options for custody, I would be in family counseling, and I would hire help every afternoon. But I would probably leave the mother; I left an abusive spouse for much the same behaviors, and it haunts me that I did not get the kids away from him sooner.
Stop looking at this mother as a leader in this situation--she seems very damaged and unwell, and incapable of good family leadership.
OP, you will have to cowboy up and make changes in this situation. Seriously, see a lawyer for yourself as you may need to protect these children.
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