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Or ask him what sort of a guilt trip he's on that he feels the need to bail out the lazy loafers he's raised.
BF has issues, if he doesn't correct his thinking these will become your issues.
You could just lay down the law. "I'm not paying for your lazy kids' phones. You figure it out."
She's already said he gets defensive.
If she doesn't want to help him with the bill, OK. But he pays her back. IMO, that should be the extent of her business in this. ALL THE OTHER STUFF, he doesn't want to hear it, and it's his problem to live with. Not hers. She's not his wife, and she's not the sons mother. All that other stuff, she just needs to butt out.
When and if he asks her to move in, or marry him, than that's when she can put her foot down. Otherwise....not her problem.
This has nothing to do with his kids and everything to do with your projecting your uncertainties about your relationship with him onto his kids.
I was in my late twenties when I got my own plan. Honestly. Anecdotally that's pretty common among many people I know. It's cheaper. My wife was in her late twenties when we went in together on a plan shortly before we were married. She just sent her dad a check for the extra $300 a year ($25/month) once a year. I offered my mom shortly after I finished college but she told me not to worry about it, and i knew my folks were comfortable enough financially that I didn't worry about it.
I'm old-fashioned in that I think that if a kid wants something that he doesn't need, s/he should pay for it himself or herself, no matter how old they are, unless it is given to the kid as a GIFT.
So, in short, if a parent wants a kid to have a cellphone, then the parent should pay for it -- but if a kid wants a phone purely for social and/or non-essential reasons, then s/he should save for it.
Lots of adult "kids" are on family plans with their parents (my kids included). It's cheaper than if we all went our own way. However, I would never borrow from someone in order to pay the bill. If there were financial difficulties, changes would have to be made (and if the kids want to remain on the plan they would have to contribute $$).
I think you should definitely pay the 17 year old's service because he's still a child and cell phones are important for minors for safety reasons. After he becomes a legal adult, and as for your other children, I personally think it should be when they can really afford it. The reason why I think you should stop at any age that they can afford it themselves is because cell phones are important for everyone's safety, especially if they are lost driving or in a bad situation and need to call for help. Parents need to still keep their children safe even after they are legal adults.
Did you read the OP in full???? None of the kids are hers, so she has absolutely no responsibility for their having a cell phone.
You should reconsider being with a man who can't even pay his own bills. This may come off as shallow but he truthfully seems like he has a lot of baggage and he shouldn't be asking you to pay his cell phone bill. He needs to get his life in order and you need to find someone more responsible #sorrynotsorry
I just want my boyfriend to stop having me as a backup plan when he can’t pay the bill. How can I do this? He gets defensive with his sons so it’s not easy to explain him that I shouldn’t be responsible.
Keep it simple. Tell him you are no longer going to pay ANY bills that are not in your name, and that the next time he asks you for money, for the cell bill or any other bill for that matter, the relationship will be over the moment he asks you. Period.
If my boyfriend wants to pay their phone bill that’s fine, as long as it’s not me. There’s been times that he has no service for up to three days because he couldn’t pay. That’s how bad it is. So SOMEONE needs to step in and help him if he’s struggling to pay. He has 3 big boys who are old enough to help their dad. I asked at what age young adults pay because it seems like my boyfriend feels guilty of asking his sons to help. These boys get everything from their dad. I think the reason why my boyfriend never saves money is because he always gives his sons money instead of making them work for it. But at some point they have to face the real world. If their father is gone for some reason they will have no phone at all.
I was very self sufficient back in high school. I had a part time job and when I was 17 I bought my first phone. I worked for it and never asked my parents to pay my bill because I had a job. But maybe other people are raised differently.
I just want my boyfriend to stop having me as a backup plan when he can’t pay the bill. How can I do this? He gets defensive with his sons so it’s not easy to explain him that I shouldn’t be responsible.
How can you do that? Are you familiar with the word, "no"? Use it. That's what it's for.
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