U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Covid-19 Information Page
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 05-18-2020, 06:22 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
84,009 posts, read 77,061,275 times
Reputation: 84788

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by possibleyou View Post
You should reconsider being with a man who can't even pay his own bills. This may come off as shallow but he truthfully seems like he has a lot of baggage and he shouldn't be asking you to pay his cell phone bill. He needs to get his life in order and you need to find someone more responsible #sorrynotsorry
This is what I'm wondering. Why is she with this guy?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 05-18-2020, 07:47 PM
 
Location: Riverside Ca
20,705 posts, read 23,027,596 times
Reputation: 31886
Quote:
Originally Posted by dreamer741 View Post
Hi
I’m in a relationship with a man who has three adult sons ages 17, 19 and 22.
My boyfriend has a cellphone plan where his sons are included and he pays every month for it. The problem is that there’s been times when he can’t pay it because his job doesn’t pay on time and he doesn’t have savings either because he doesn’t have control over his finances. So the first thing he does is ask me to pay for the monthly plan and that he’ll pay me back.
This makes me uncomfortable because even though he pays me back, I think he should be telling his sons to help him, as they are the ones that use the cellphone service and they’re old enough. Why do I have to pay for something that is not my responsibility? I’m not included in the plan. Only my boyfriend and his 3 sons.
It’s like he doesn’t want to bother his sons and wants to look good in front of them, but he doesn’t mind asking me to pay. He has done it several times.
The 22 year old son got his first phone at the age of 13 and my boyfriend has always pay for him. Isn’t it time for him to be a man and grow up??? I don’t know for how long my boyfriend is planning on supporting his sons but he keeps complaining that he’s broke and it’s because he doesn’t make his sons responsible for anything.
The 22 year old also spends his days sleeping and playing video games while my boyfriend works every day. I work too. But my boyfriend seems to be okay with his son not doing anything productive with his life. He has been unemployed for almost 8 months. Why does he feel bad asking his sons to help financially and to work like productive members of society? The young men don’t even pay for college because my boyfriend fully supports all 3 of them. Is this normal parenting? Should I be okay helping my boyfriend pay for the cellphone service?

Danger Will Robinson Danger.

Your BF shouldn’t be asking you to make a cell plan payment. What’s next car payments? Rent? Forgot my wallet date?

Sorry I was paying for stuff as soon as I had a job. His kids should be helping out if they have jobs/income
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-18-2020, 08:14 PM
 
Location: ATL -> HOU -> DAL -> ATL
4,695 posts, read 3,932,383 times
Reputation: 3827
Quote:
Originally Posted by JONOV View Post
I was in my late twenties when I got my own plan. Honestly. Anecdotally that's pretty common among many people I know. It's cheaper. My wife was in her late twenties when we went in together on a plan shortly before we were married. She just sent her dad a check for the extra $300 a year ($25/month) once a year. I offered my mom shortly after I finished college but she told me not to worry about it, and i knew my folks were comfortable enough financially that I didn't worry about it.
I'm in the same boat. I'm about to turn 28 in a week and I'm still on my parents' plan. I think my portion costs them 15 a month. Hope they don't go bankrupt.
My mom years ago basically said just don't worry about it. I don't even know when the bill is due. Now when it comes to buying a new phone? Uhh yea I definitely pay that.


Really depends on the person/situation. My parents aren't too worried about me not learning financial independence just cause they still pay my $15/month phone bill since I pay for literally everything else.
This particular situation just has too many red flags. You could swap out "phone bill" with Internet bill or Netflix bill or car insurance, etc. and there'd still be issues.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-18-2020, 08:40 PM
 
Location: Crook County, Illinois
4,565 posts, read 2,091,671 times
Reputation: 6027
As soon as their have their first real job or age 18, whichever comes first. (By "real job", I mean the kind where you fill out a W-4 and report to a boss.) Even teenage-level part-time McJobs pay enough to cover a cell phone plan and then some. (But not much else.) If the child is under the parents' family plan, then they pay their fair share. It can be done by giving the parents cash or by buying an equivalent value in groceries.

Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 05-18-2020 at 08:51 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-18-2020, 11:39 PM
 
Location: Saint John, IN
11,572 posts, read 4,639,825 times
Reputation: 14632
Quote:
Originally Posted by dreamer741 View Post
If my boyfriend wants to pay their phone bill that’s fine, as long as it’s not me. There’s been times that he has no service for up to three days because he couldn’t pay. That’s how bad it is. So SOMEONE needs to step in and help him if he’s struggling to pay. He has 3 big boys who are old enough to help their dad. I asked at what age young adults pay because it seems like my boyfriend feels guilty of asking his sons to help. These boys get everything from their dad. I think the reason why my boyfriend never saves money is because he always gives his sons money instead of making them work for it. But at some point they have to face the real world. If their father is gone for some reason they will have no phone at all.

I was very self sufficient back in high school. I had a part time job and when I was 17 I bought my first phone. I worked for it and never asked my parents to pay my bill because I had a job. But maybe other people are raised differently.

I just want my boyfriend to stop having me as a backup plan when he can’t pay the bill. How can I do this? He gets defensive with his sons so it’s not easy to explain him that I shouldn’t be responsible.



Find a new boyfriend!


The real problem is not his kids, it's him! You said he has no savings, a job that doesn't always pay on time and he asks YOU for money! Sounds like a winner! Open your eyes and move on.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-19-2020, 05:21 AM
 
Location: Watervliet, NY
4,808 posts, read 1,961,478 times
Reputation: 8878
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy View Post

When and if he asks her to move in, or marry him, than that's when she can put her foot down. Otherwise....not her problem.
Too late. This genius already let her bf move in with her. Read her other thread.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-19-2020, 07:46 AM
 
9,470 posts, read 3,553,795 times
Reputation: 21794
Quote:
Originally Posted by ContraPagan View Post
Too late. This genius already let her bf move in with her. Read her other thread.

Ah. OK. And she resents that he seemingly cares more about his sons than her. I get it now.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-19-2020, 08:03 AM
 
Location: Watervliet, NY
4,808 posts, read 1,961,478 times
Reputation: 8878
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy View Post
Ah. OK. And she resents that he seemingly cares more about his sons than her. I get it now.
It gets better. He moved into HER place. Good luck getting rid of him if the relationship ends. She's whining in her other thread about having the bf AND both kids living in her 1-br apartment (which probably isn't even legal depending on the occupancy laws). One of the kids is a college graduate who can't find a job in his field and won't take other jobs because it would be "beneath" him in the professional sense, so he's living in her place rent-and-other-bills-free.

When are women going to realize this was NOT what feminism had in mind for them??? We're supposed to be capable of living free of lazy, shiftless men who can't take care of business and support themselves and their equally lazy, shiftless offspring.

Well.... SOME of us are capable of it. Others are too desperate to be with someone that they lose the ability to be discerning in their choices.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-19-2020, 08:54 AM
 
Location: Raleigh
9,642 posts, read 7,214,055 times
Reputation: 13614
Quote:
Originally Posted by HJ99 View Post
LOL, when I was in college there were no cell phones. I lived off campus on limited budget so went through college with NO PHONE. Used pay phone when I needed to call somebody. Didnt kill me. You dont know what you can get along without until you try. Course anymore you can get a minimalist $60 a year plan if you just need an emergency phone. Saw one reseller on ebay offering unlimited voice and text but no data for that $60 a year. Never heard of the name before so no idea if it was legit. Usually those super low buck plans have limit of like 100 minutes voice calls per month.
I was in college one of the last years that they put phones in all the dorm rooms. I don't know that mom would have been cool without me having a phone to reach me at just in case there was a death in the family. Since the cell reception was spotty in the building I bought calling cards at the bookstore.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-19-2020, 09:29 AM
 
6 posts, read 2,280 times
Reputation: 14
I know perfectly that cellphone plans can be convenient and cheaper but that’s not the issue here. The real issue is that my BF CAN’T afford to pay the plan. It doesn’t matter if it’s cheap. He struggles to pay so he needs to make arrangements with his sons if he can’t pay it on his own.
I really feel like he puts his sons ahead if me and just sees me as his backup plan. One time his youngest son asked for a cologne from the mall. BF did not have money at that time and had the nerve to ask me for money to please his son. He had no balls to tell his son NO.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 02:14 AM.

© 2005-2020, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top