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Old 05-19-2020, 10:25 AM
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
89,906 posts, read 106,866,561 times
Reputation: 35534

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
The question isn't really whether or not the kids should be paying for their phones, it's really why a grown man feels comfortable asking a non-family member to cover his expenses. He shouldn't be.

As far as when the offspring pay for what, that's up to individual families. We were ok paying their expenses while they were still students, and since youngest went for his PhD, that meant age 28. Family plans aren't that much more than paying for 2.
That's what I thought though it's been a very long time since our kids were on our plan. My older DD wanted to pay and sent us money every month. The younger one didn't and honestly we thought it would be too much hassle to get the money from her. Bigger fish to fry and all that. We did cut her off at some point.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BostonMike7 View Post
I'm 39 and still on my parents plan. Those old plans are just much better deals than what is currently offered. Like you said though, kids are usually footing the bill at this point.


Anyway, im with some of the other posters here in saying 18. A phone is one of the first real bills a person gets growing up, so they should be able to at least pay that.

I was kind of a go-getter growing up. Went to college full time and held a part time job down while paying for my car/insurance/phone and other expenses. As a result, I somewhat have the same sort of mentality in mind for my 3 boys.
Sometimes.

The BF seems like a jerk.
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Old 05-19-2020, 11:58 AM
 
1,336 posts, read 428,227 times
Reputation: 3765
Quote:
Originally Posted by dreamer741 View Post
I know perfectly that cellphone plans can be convenient and cheaper but that’s not the issue here. The real issue is that my BF CAN’T afford to pay the plan. It doesn’t matter if it’s cheap. He struggles to pay so he needs to make arrangements with his sons if he can’t pay it on his own.
I really feel like he puts his sons ahead if me and just sees me as his backup plan. One time his youngest son asked for a cologne from the mall. BF did not have money at that time and had the nerve to ask me for money to please his son. He had no balls to tell his son NO.
In the case of the mail-order cologne, did *you* give your boyfriend the money to purchase it for his son?

The reason why I ask this and why it is relevant to this thread is that you might need to (ahem) "grow a pair" yourself and stop letting your boyfriend use you as his personal savings and loan bank. At present, you're grudgingly passing out money with one hand and writing a list of grievances about the loan with the other. Around and around you're going to go until you just learn to say "no."

If you are on the plan with your boyfriend and his offspring, it might be time for you to get on a plan of your own. Not being part of his plan (if you are sharing a phone plan with him), would be money well-spent and would eliminate one bone of contention in your relationship.
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Old 05-19-2020, 03:05 PM
 
Location: Tucson Arizona
4,802 posts, read 2,168,604 times
Reputation: 12634
He's a single dad, I imagine he wants to be a hero to his kids, so doesn't hound them to get jobs.

However,he shouldn't expect you to provide the bridge every month.

Maybe help him set up a cell phone savings account that he'll fund by cutting nonessential expenses

My aunt saves a little money each month for each appliance, to fund repair or replacement when needed. She's done this for decades. She recently raided the "blender fund" to pay for a trip to Hawaii. A little bit at a time adds up.
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Old 05-19-2020, 03:08 PM
 
Location: southern california
58,522 posts, read 77,447,787 times
Reputation: 52058
Easiest question all week
When they are an adult
Old school 18 it’s military or trade school pack up son
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Old 05-19-2020, 03:09 PM
 
Location: North Idaho
24,582 posts, read 32,026,177 times
Reputation: 49769
Quote:
Originally Posted by dreamer741 View Post
........I just want my boyfriend to stop having me as a backup plan when he can’t pay the bill. How can I do this? He gets defensive with his sons so it’s not easy to explain him that I shouldn’t be responsible.

Don't explain anything to him. He knows that his kids are spoiled deadbeats. They learned how to be deadbeats from their father.


All you have to do is to say sorry, not this month. If you keep saying no, he will eventually give up.


Myself, I don't like drama and I really don't like being used, so I would have shown this family of users to the door long ago, but if you want to keep this tribe of leeches, you can keep them. Just stop handing out money.
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Old 05-19-2020, 07:00 PM
 
Location: Saint John, IN
11,575 posts, read 4,648,189 times
Reputation: 14654
Quote:
Originally Posted by dreamer741 View Post
I know perfectly that cellphone plans can be convenient and cheaper but that’s not the issue here. The real issue is that my BF CAN’T afford to pay the plan. It doesn’t matter if it’s cheap. He struggles to pay so he needs to make arrangements with his sons if he can’t pay it on his own.
I really feel like he puts his sons ahead if me and just sees me as his backup plan. One time his youngest son asked for a cologne from the mall. BF did not have money at that time and had the nerve to ask me for money to please his son. He had no balls to tell his son NO.
He SHOULD put his kids ahead of you. You are only a girlfriend, not his wife and they are HIS kids! If he wants to pay their bills that's his problem. Tell him no the next time he asks for money. If he gets mad, end the relationship!
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Old 05-20-2020, 03:24 AM
 
6,039 posts, read 3,311,034 times
Reputation: 27043
Quote:
Originally Posted by dreamer741 View Post
I really feel like he puts his sons ahead if me and just sees me as his backup plan.
He will always put his sons ahead of you, as he should.

YOU have to decide whether you want to be his backup plan. You have the choice whether or not you want to be a doormat.

Quote:
Originally Posted by dreamer741 View Post
I just want my boyfriend to stop having me as a backup plan when he can’t pay the bill.
Is this the only bill he does not always have money for? Does he pay you back? How are the finances broken up--he moved in with you. Does he pay you half the rent? Half the food? Who cooks, who cleans?

Maybe you just need to re evaluate this relationship.
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Old 05-20-2020, 09:36 AM
 
Location: The Carolinas
2,267 posts, read 2,204,614 times
Reputation: 7029
Don't get involved with a man who has no control over his finances. Most divorces are due to financial issues. Run. Away.
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Old 05-20-2020, 12:43 PM
 
Location: NJ
13,191 posts, read 22,909,130 times
Reputation: 12171
Quote:
Originally Posted by dreamer741 View Post
Hi
I’m in a relationship with a man who has three adult sons ages 17, 19 and 22.
My boyfriend has a cellphone plan where his sons are included and he pays every month for it. The problem is that there’s been times when he can’t pay it because his job doesn’t pay on time and he doesn’t have savings either because he doesn’t have control over his finances. So the first thing he does is ask me to pay for the monthly plan and that he’ll pay me back.
This makes me uncomfortable because even though he pays me back, I think he should be telling his sons to help him, as they are the ones that use the cellphone service and they’re old enough. Why do I have to pay for something that is not my responsibility? I’m not included in the plan. Only my boyfriend and his 3 sons.
It’s like he doesn’t want to bother his sons and wants to look good in front of them, but he doesn’t mind asking me to pay. He has done it several times.
The 22 year old son got his first phone at the age of 13 and my boyfriend has always pay for him. Isn’t it time for him to be a man and grow up??? I don’t know for how long my boyfriend is planning on supporting his sons but he keeps complaining that he’s broke and it’s because he doesn’t make his sons responsible for anything.
The 22 year old also spends his days sleeping and playing video games while my boyfriend works every day. I work too. But my boyfriend seems to be okay with his son not doing anything productive with his life. He has been unemployed for almost 8 months. Why does he feel bad asking his sons to help financially and to work like productive members of society? The young men don’t even pay for college because my boyfriend fully supports all 3 of them. Is this normal parenting? Should I be okay helping my boyfriend pay for the cellphone service?
The only kid your BF should be paying a cell for is the 17 year old. I'm sure many have told you that.

I just replied to your other thread. His son is delusional if he thinks he's going to get a high paying job fresh out of college. He'll be lucky if there's any jobs in the field he went to college for. He would have been better off learning a trade
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Old 05-20-2020, 03:11 PM
 
5,324 posts, read 4,658,384 times
Reputation: 11653
If someone can not cash flow their life, they either need cut expenses or increase revenue. It sounds like you are designated to be his interest free lender. Why would you want to be in relationship with someone who thinks this is okay? No boyfriend is better than this boyfriend.
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