U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Covid-19 Information Page
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 05-17-2020, 12:52 PM
 
6 posts, read 2,353 times
Reputation: 14

Advertisements

Hi
I’m in a relationship with a man who has three adult sons ages 17, 19 and 22.
My boyfriend has a cellphone plan where his sons are included and he pays every month for it. The problem is that there’s been times when he can’t pay it because his job doesn’t pay on time and he doesn’t have savings either because he doesn’t have control over his finances. So the first thing he does is ask me to pay for the monthly plan and that he’ll pay me back.
This makes me uncomfortable because even though he pays me back, I think he should be telling his sons to help him, as they are the ones that use the cellphone service and they’re old enough. Why do I have to pay for something that is not my responsibility? I’m not included in the plan. Only my boyfriend and his 3 sons.
It’s like he doesn’t want to bother his sons and wants to look good in front of them, but he doesn’t mind asking me to pay. He has done it several times.
The 22 year old son got his first phone at the age of 13 and my boyfriend has always pay for him. Isn’t it time for him to be a man and grow up??? I don’t know for how long my boyfriend is planning on supporting his sons but he keeps complaining that he’s broke and it’s because he doesn’t make his sons responsible for anything.
The 22 year old also spends his days sleeping and playing video games while my boyfriend works every day. I work too. But my boyfriend seems to be okay with his son not doing anything productive with his life. He has been unemployed for almost 8 months. Why does he feel bad asking his sons to help financially and to work like productive members of society? The young men don’t even pay for college because my boyfriend fully supports all 3 of them. Is this normal parenting? Should I be okay helping my boyfriend pay for the cellphone service?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 05-17-2020, 01:16 PM
 
1,328 posts, read 2,003,993 times
Reputation: 6344
You don't have to pay for his cell bill.

All these questions--have you asked your boyfriend these questions? Maybe he feels guilty from the divorce, maybe he wants the teenagers to concentrate on school. Who knows? Ask him, but you are definitely not responsible for the cell bill.

BTW, why doesn't he have control over his finances? Is there some outside force at work here or is he just irresponsible?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-17-2020, 01:48 PM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
11,381 posts, read 22,096,294 times
Reputation: 27323
My kids are 15 and 18. I pay for their phones. We have a plan where it's $25 per line per month. I've offered to put my mom on it too and pay for hers. Right now I don't want my 18 year old to work or my 15 year old to babysit because of the pandemic, so I won't be asking them to pay for their phones anytime soon.

I do think it's weird that your boyfriend can pay for college for his kids but has to borrow from you to pay his cell bill.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-17-2020, 02:34 PM
 
13,467 posts, read 21,842,742 times
Reputation: 36969
The question isn't really whether or not the kids should be paying for their phones, it's really why a grown man feels comfortable asking a non-family member to cover his expenses. He shouldn't be.

As far as when the offspring pay for what, that's up to individual families. We were ok paying their expenses while they were still students, and since youngest went for his PhD, that meant age 28. Family plans aren't that much more than paying for 2.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-17-2020, 05:31 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
18,457 posts, read 19,219,639 times
Reputation: 46302
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
The question isn't really whether or not the kids should be paying for their phones, it's really why a grown man feels comfortable asking a non-family member to cover his expenses. He shouldn't be.

As far as when the offspring pay for what, that's up to individual families. We were ok paying their expenses while they were still students, and since youngest went for his PhD, that meant age 28. Family plans aren't that much more than paying for 2.
Family plans are often a lot cheaper than individual plans. On my plan an extra line is only an extra $20 a month but a separate plan is $60 a month. So three people on one plan only pay $100 total and if they had three plans the total would be $180 a month. And, on some plans extra lines are even cheaper.

I know "kids", in their 30s to 60s, that share a plan with their parents, in their 70s to 80s. But often the kids are paying for their parents.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-18-2020, 12:26 AM
 
Location: Arlen
20,723 posts, read 5,189,600 times
Reputation: 7071
Quote:
Originally Posted by dreamer741 View Post
hi
i’m in a relationship with a man who has three adult sons ages 17, 19 and 22.
My boyfriend has a cellphone plan where his sons are included and he pays every month for it. The problem is that there’s been times when he can’t pay it because his job doesn’t pay on time and he doesn’t have savings either because he doesn’t have control over his finances. So the first thing he does is ask me to pay for the monthly plan and that he’ll pay me back.
This makes me uncomfortable because even though he pays me back, i think he should be telling his sons to help him, as they are the ones that use the cellphone service and they’re old enough. Why do i have to pay for something that is not my responsibility? I’m not included in the plan. Only my boyfriend and his 3 sons.
It’s like he doesn’t want to bother his sons and wants to look good in front of them, but he doesn’t mind asking me to pay. He has done it several times.
The 22 year old son got his first phone at the age of 13 and my boyfriend has always pay for him. Isn’t it time for him to be a man and grow up??? I don’t know for how long my boyfriend is planning on supporting his sons but he keeps complaining that he’s broke and it’s because he doesn’t make his sons responsible for anything.
The 22 year old also spends his days sleeping and playing video games while my boyfriend works every day. I work too. But my boyfriend seems to be okay with his son not doing anything productive with his life. He has been unemployed for almost 8 months. Why does he feel bad asking his sons to help financially and to work like productive members of society? The young men don’t even pay for college because my boyfriend fully supports all 3 of them. Is this normal parenting? Should i be okay helping my boyfriend pay for the cellphone service?
18
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-18-2020, 01:27 AM
Status: "For the night is dark and full of terrors" (set 14 days ago)
 
Location: DMV Area/NYC/Honolulu
17,570 posts, read 8,283,640 times
Reputation: 17066
My father paid for my cell phone bill throughout college. Honestly, I would have been happy to continue having him pay, but he'd sometimes be a day late on the bill and that interruption in service often came at terrible times as I was waiting for an interview for a job, etc. So I took some adult initiative and got my own line

Given that I don't think someone truly becomes an adult (yes, by the law, but not necessarily socially otherwise) at 18, I wouldn't have a problem paying beyond then.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-18-2020, 01:53 AM
 
6,039 posts, read 3,311,034 times
Reputation: 27043
Quote:
Originally Posted by dreamer741 View Post
...because he doesn’t have control over his finances.
^ This is the problem.

Not being able to pay the cell phone bill is just a side effect.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-18-2020, 08:17 AM
 
Location: Midwest
4,819 posts, read 7,591,854 times
Reputation: 8764
Sounds like you've latched onto a total loser. If you continue with boyfriend, look for more confusion, irresponsibility, and ultimate heartache.

IMO a kid should pay for his phone at age 18 when he can legally sign a contract. Otherwise he doesn't need a phone.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-18-2020, 09:59 AM
 
Location: Howard County, Maryland
6,881 posts, read 4,303,902 times
Reputation: 19141
Quote:
Originally Posted by dreamer741 View Post
The problem is that there’s been times when he can’t pay it because his job doesn’t pay on time and he doesn’t have savings either because he doesn’t have control over his finances.
OP, could you clarify these points? Why doesn't your boyfriend's job pay on time? And why doesn't he have control over his finances?

Honestly, though, the way you describe your boyfriend and his relationship with his sons, the issue of who pays for the phone service should be the least of your worries.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2020, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top