Should we help pay? (BF, deadbeat, teaching, parent)
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No, there's obviously an adequate situation for her to live with you, minus the friend of course.
My rule of thumb with my kids is that you will get what you need as best I can afford it. You may get more than you need. But what you want is an entirely different matter. This is how I was raised and in retrospect find it to be perfectly fair.
That's one of the ways you learn how to handle life. My first college era girlfriend and I lived in one third of a triplex. I could have lived at home for nothing. Her parents were willing to pay for her apartment if she shared it with another girl and that girl paid half. But we had to live together. We struggled, we ate cheap, did little fancy and got nothing more than token help. But we did make it and learned much by not being handed everything.
My parents helped support me the whole time I was in college, and yes, I was living off-campus with my boyfriend. They gave me the same amount that they would have paid the school for room and board had I been living in the dorms, and I and my boyfriend worked part-time to make up the difference. By the way, that boyfriend is now my husband and we have a beautiful daughter of our own now, so I think we turned out just fine.
If you are not comfortable with the situation, then don't support it.
You can do this lovingly. You can say "I can't support this choice financially. I love you and if it gets too tough going, you know you are always welcome to come home, or to move into a dorm with a meal plan with my support."
She's 18. You can't make her do anything and you shouldn't manipulate her with money. But you have a right to your own values and to spend your money how you wish.
Wow, there's no way I would support that. Aren't 18 year old girls supposed to enjoy their new found freedom in college? Go out with friends? Experiment with life and find out who they are??? Sounds like she needs a little "Feminist 101" or "Independent Woman" classes!!!
As a parent, I would pay for a DORM room. No way would I pay for an apartment or condo in which I knew she would live with her boyfriend. Absolutely no way.
My daughter is going to college in the fall. She wants to move out this summer with her boyfriend. She has a full time job now and he's supposed to be starting a new job. (We'll see) Anyhow, they can afford the condo now having full time jobs. In the fall they both will have to cut back to part time hours and I don't think there will be anyway they can afford the bills. She has a place to stay at home, but she doesn't want to stay here.The college is only 4 mi from home 6 mi from the condo. I feel that if she wants to take on this big responsibility, she needs to figure out to pay the bills. I don't want to not see her go to college b/c she has to work full time. I don't want to pay for her boyfriend either. His mom makes $20K more a year than our combined income. I now damn well she won't give him a dime. We always get stuck paying. By the way, college is paid for. Should we contribute?
Absolutely not, she is an adult and they know what they are up against. I know as a mom you worry but the fact is that they need to take on those responsibilities. Offer dinner and a place to stay but thats it. JMO.
I totally agree with everyone here saying no way!!!!!!!
You already have college paid for. If she doesnt want to live with you let her grow up and pay.
Unfortunately this is what I did coming out of high school. I left home to go to college and lived with my boyfriend. NOT ONCE did I ever ask my parents to pay for any of it. This was my choice as an adult and felt that if I was ready to live with someone, I was ready to make it work on my own. We both worked through college, paid our own tuition, paid our own bills, etc. Granted it took me much longer to finish college, I still did, and the relationship did not last, thank goodness or I would not have married my husband. For me, it was a mistake but one that I had to make to learn from it. I think she is lucky you will still pay for tuition and leave it at that. Good luck.
She's got a free place to stay while she's in school already.
If she choses to leave behind the free option, that's up to her. You have no obligation to pay for any of it.
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from experience.........
