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Maybe it depends on where you live. My daughter and her boyfriend both got jobs (entry level office stuff) about 2 weeks after college graduation (Texas)
There is work to be done. Many don't want to do it because unemployment pays so well nowadays. He should take advantage now because it will stop at some point.
As long as your not in NJ. Our system has been broken for years. People are still waiting for unemployment to start from March
So sorry to hear you're going through this. People are give some pretty harsh answers what you should do. And maybe they're right, or maybe not... Can you speak to an addiction specialist or join an addiction forum and get their advice? Good luck.
You know we're in a middle of a pandemic right? I highly doubt therapists are open. Mom is asking for too much right now. Call the cops, see if they can do something, but remember, we're in the middle of a pandemic.
I disagree. He needs to reach bottom and figure out his own life or he'll just keep mooching.
OP, tell him you are calling the police as you have reason to believe there are illegal drugs in the house.
He can either get his stuff and skedaddle or stick around while the German Shepard sniffs through his belongings.
But you have had it.
If he has money for drugs, he has money fore a cheap hotel room. Or perhaps a buddy will let him move in. Or he could stick around and let the police provide accommodations. Whatever.
As to how tough it might be to get a job, that's his problem, not yours.
OP, tell him you are calling the police as you have reason to believe there are illegal drugs in the house.
He can either get his stuff and skedaddle or stick around while the German Shepard sniffs through his belongings.
But you have had it.
If he has money for drugs, he has money fore a cheap hotel room. Or perhaps a buddy will let him move in. Or he could stick around and let the police provide accommodations. Whatever.
As to how tough it might be to get a job, that's his problem, not yours.
By 27, the idea that a parent has an addicted son in their home who will not leave ... and they don't know what to do, suggests that there is some degree of co-dependency and enablement going on here. Therefore, the likelihood of 'mom' following any of the "fed up and not going to take it anymore" ... is slim.
OP, Your son is not going to simply wake-up one day, set the drugs aside and start being responsible It's past-time for YOU to get to an addictions specialist/counselor for YOURSELF and begin to understand your part in letting things get this far. Then YOU will have a better idea of how to take back control of your own life.... and possibly be able to follow-through on the necessary actions.
In normal times, you'd have to file with the local court to have him evicted. The sheriff would issue a summons, and he'd get his day in court. Then the court would get you a default judgement and they'd give him 10 days to get out. Only then will the court order the sheriff to send a deputy to make him leave. The deputy will watch as you and your agents move his stuff to the curb. But again, many courts are only seeing child custody and emergency domestic cases right now.
When he comes in high and starts to raise hell, call the local police. If he gets out of line in front of the police, they'll arrest him for either domestic abuse, elder abuse or breach of the peace. Tell the son to get out and never come back. And have the police make an incident report (and give you the case #.) Because they document your desire for him to leave, if he's caught there in the future they will arrest him for trespassing.
My druggie daughter has a volatile temper. She was raising hell and I had her arrested for domestic abuse after punching a hole in my kitchen wall. Now she cannot get into Section VIII housing or get any government assistance for her chronic unemployment. She remains on ankle express and uses lack of transportation as an excuse to never work.
We took the ultimate action to get rid of our daughter. We took her 8 year old daughter and moved 65 miles away. She refuses to change her ways, and is completely unrepentant. She thinks recreational use of meth and heroin is okay, and you can fall off the wagon. We are not optimistic that we or her daughter will ever be part of her life again. Tough situations require tough action.
By 27, the idea that a parent has an addicted son in their home who will not leave ... and they don't know what to do, suggests that there is some degree of co-dependency and enablement going on here. Therefore, the likelihood of 'mom' following any of the "fed up and not going to take it anymore" ... is slim.
OP, Your son is not going to simply wake-up one day, set the drugs aside and start being responsible It's past-time for YOU to get to an addictions specialist/counselor for YOURSELF and begin to understand your part in letting things get this far. Then YOU will have a better idea of how to take back control of your own life.... and possibly be able to follow-through on the necessary actions.
I know people who have done just that.
Our across-the-street neighbors in the community I grew up sold their home, bought a motor home and left no forwarding address. They finally had it with their son and his addiction.
One of my college roommates did pretty much what I described in my post. After spending a boatload of money on treatment programs, when their middle son was about 26 they said they were going the legal route and in two hours they were calling the cops. He could get his gear and go or wait. His choice.
The OP's "part" in all this is that of any parent. At some point, most parents realize that their job is done. If it takes therapy to reach that conclusion, so be it.
But plenty of people reach that conclusion all on their own.
If he is high on your front porch, they will arrest him for being high in public.
The cops won't do anything, a retired cop already commented. It's illegal to change the locks, she has to go through eviction proceedings if he won't leave legally. I'm not sure if you know for sure all courts all over the US aren't doing evictions, or if this is just an assumption on your part?
She should call her local Court and find out.
It's doubtful he will be arrested for being high on her front porch, especially if he doesn't have drugs on his person.
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