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Old 06-15-2020, 08:06 PM
Location: Nashville, TN -
7,138 posts, read 3,731,436 times
Reputation: 8505


Originally Posted by Irish Eyes View Post
Is it possible he's having trouble letting go? I know a couple where the husband worked so much when his kids were growing that he missed out on a lot. It hit him really hard when the kids went to college and moved on. Much harder even than it hit his wife, who had been a stay at home mom.
I think this could be part of it. He might also be slightly jealous of the son's freedom and opportunities (to travel, to work abroad, etc) that maybe he never had when he was younger.

I think parent-child jealousy is more common than we might like to believe, especially between older generations of mothers who grew up in a different era, and their daughters, who enjoyed much more opportunity.
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Old 06-15-2020, 08:23 PM
Location: Nashville, TN -
7,138 posts, read 3,731,436 times
Reputation: 8505
Originally Posted by KB4 View Post
No, the question was not how much money should parents give to adult children, the question was, should parents be making decisions for adult children. Clearly some people think there should be a link, and others disagree.

I don't get the obsession with arguing that my son doesn't have a job offer, not planning to share the offer letter with you.
No, parents should not be making decisions for adult children. I think you're right, and your husband is being a little controlling.

My 2 older kids do lots of things I don't necessarily like or approve of, but at 21 and 23, they're adults. They've got to learn through their own experiences. Besides, the more parents force an issue, they more most kids will take the opposite path. You gotta pick your battles with young adult kids, because if you don't, you'll drive your kids, and yourself, crazy.

I've learned that I have to just let it be.
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Old 06-15-2020, 08:26 PM
Location: Nashville, TN -
7,138 posts, read 3,731,436 times
Reputation: 8505
Originally Posted by Jeepgrl84 View Post
Why are you so set to just kick them out? I don't understand the Americans are so obsessed with kids leaving at a certain age. Many cultures, the son or daughter stay home until they are married. I personally did not leave home until I was in my late 20s.
And I stayed at home with my immigrant parents until I married at 25. Heck, I'm a big proponent of multi-generational families.

But, here's the thing: when I lived with my parents, i was always working and going to school; I kept my space clean and tidy; and I certainly wasn't disrespectful to my parents. Ever. I wouldn't still be alive to write this post if I ever had been (not suggesting the OP's son is disrespectful).

Theoretically, I have no problem with my 3 young adult kids staying with me until they're well into their 20s. But I've now reached a stage where I realize the only way my 21-year-old son is going to grow up, to respect his parents and their homes, to be more responsible with money, and to be grateful for what he has, is to live in his own place, be it alone or with friends.

He needs to be master of his own domain for a while. I'm really doing him a disservice by continuing to let him live here for free with few to no responsibilities. And I no longer have the inclination to beg or argue to get him to do his share.

If after a year or two, when he's matured a little, he feels he'd like to move back in with me, I'm open to that. Sometimes, though, tough love is the only way.
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Old 06-17-2020, 11:08 AM
824 posts, read 465,533 times
Reputation: 761
Originally Posted by kokonutty View Post
Is any job now a "great job?" There was no such qualifier in the OP's statement, only that it was in a different country and is not happening now due to processing delays. We have no idea of the type of job, the compensation or path beyond. At best it is a "bird in the bush." This is certainly a time of change, not guarantees. What becomes of the job is yet to be seen.

My questions are legitimate and the answers would be very important in providing an informed opinion of the current situation and proposed "vacation."

She said in her original post it was a great job offer.
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