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Old 06-06-2020, 06:09 PM
 
521 posts, read 185,320 times
Reputation: 554

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I am a male entering my mid 30s. I just can’t believe how I’m this old. Age can be relative though because my older relatives always think I’m young and my young relatives always think I’m old. But I’m talking about being a parent.

But I’ve never felt the way I feel now. I think quarantine made me think about things. I still feel young and look it but I don’t like the number anymore. I wish I could go back and be 10 years younger just so I wouldn’t be feel like time is running out to get married and have kids. Although if I could go back, honestly I would probably do the same things.

But I read if you wait to late to have kids then they could end up with brain problems. But I am starting to feel pressured right now. How can I have kids when I don’t even have a spouse or girlfriend? Plus there’s The Who time commitment and financial strain. Obviously I’m not ready. I know that.

Do I want kids? No and yes. I like being single and saving money and having time to do the hobbies I do. I love it.

But there’s many sides to this. I’m afraid that when I’m an old man that I’ll regret not having kids and grandkids. I am into genealogy. I love studying family and ancestry. For me to not have any kids would mean that my bloodline stops. And I would be disappointing my family

Also I’m worried maybe it’s too late to have kids already. I always felt young but then life goes by fast. I never even thought about kids. But now I’m stating to feel this guilt inside of me.

I know that taking care of kids is a big responsibility and is expensive. I once heard not having any and regretting it is not as bad as having them but regretting it. And then there’s the whole thing about needing a wife too. I’m not married!

I suppose I could adopt kids. But then my bloodline would stop. And I’m not ready for taking care of anyone. So I feel bad either way. I wish I could be 10 years younger again so that I could push all this to the side and just think about it later.

But now the time has come and I just feel awful. Would it be better if my wife was younger? I just can’t even believe I’m in my 30s let alone mid 30s now. It doesn’t even feel real. It felt like I was in my 20s yesterday.

I just feel like this is a no win situation for me. Sure I would love to find the girl of my dreams. And then get married and have kids. But sometimes that’s not in the card for you. It’s weird because just last week I wasn’t thinking about this.
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Old 06-06-2020, 06:23 PM
 
8,997 posts, read 4,641,025 times
Reputation: 18247
What have you done for the last 10 years? Have you gotten a good stable job with enough income for a wife and family? Are you ready to settle down to a family-style life? If so, are you trying to find a compatible woman with whom to share life?
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Old 06-06-2020, 06:27 PM
 
521 posts, read 185,320 times
Reputation: 554
Quote:
Originally Posted by Harpaint View Post
What have you done for the last 10 years? Have you gotten a good stable job with enough income for a wife and family? Are you ready to settle down to a family-style life? If so, are you trying to find a compatible woman with whom to share life?

No. I’m not ready. So do I try to make it work or should I just give it up?
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Old 06-06-2020, 06:27 PM
 
Location: southern california
58,764 posts, read 77,664,847 times
Reputation: 52396
I had that really bad after the divorce and my kid brother was married with kids I was having a big fat pity party
That was in 1997
Not now
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Old 06-06-2020, 06:29 PM
 
Location: North Beach, MD on the Chesapeake
35,213 posts, read 45,185,288 times
Reputation: 45616
One thing I've observed is that those who wait to have children until they're "established" never are.

Of course you have to find a woman, that would be step one.
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Old 06-06-2020, 06:30 PM
 
521 posts, read 185,320 times
Reputation: 554
Quote:
Originally Posted by North Beach Person View Post
One thing I've observed is that those who wait to have children until they're "established" never are.

Of course you have to find a woman, that would be step one.

Yea. But I don’t want to just do it to feel better. This never even hit me until now. I can’t believe it. It’s an intense feeling.
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Old 06-07-2020, 01:36 AM
 
Location: North Dakota
8,186 posts, read 9,886,020 times
Reputation: 12212
Quote:
Originally Posted by Einhander View Post
I am a male entering my mid 30s. I just can’t believe how I’m this old. Age can be relative though because my older relatives always think I’m young and my young relatives always think I’m old. But I’m talking about being a parent.

But I’ve never felt the way I feel now. I think quarantine made me think about things. I still feel young and look it but I don’t like the number anymore. I wish I could go back and be 10 years younger just so I wouldn’t be feel like time is running out to get married and have kids. Although if I could go back, honestly I would probably do the same things.

But I read if you wait to late to have kids then they could end up with brain problems. But I am starting to feel pressured right now. How can I have kids when I don’t even have a spouse or girlfriend? Plus there’s The Who time commitment and financial strain. Obviously I’m not ready. I know that.

Do I want kids? No and yes. I like being single and saving money and having time to do the hobbies I do. I love it.

But there’s many sides to this. I’m afraid that when I’m an old man that I’ll regret not having kids and grandkids. I am into genealogy. I love studying family and ancestry. For me to not have any kids would mean that my bloodline stops. And I would be disappointing my family

Also I’m worried maybe it’s too late to have kids already. I always felt young but then life goes by fast. I never even thought about kids. But now I’m stating to feel this guilt inside of me.

I know that taking care of kids is a big responsibility and is expensive. I once heard not having any and regretting it is not as bad as having them but regretting it. And then there’s the whole thing about needing a wife too. I’m not married!

I suppose I could adopt kids. But then my bloodline would stop. And I’m not ready for taking care of anyone. So I feel bad either way. I wish I could be 10 years younger again so that I could push all this to the side and just think about it later.

But now the time has come and I just feel awful. Would it be better if my wife was younger? I just can’t even believe I’m in my 30s let alone mid 30s now. It doesn’t even feel real. It felt like I was in my 20s yesterday.

I just feel like this is a no win situation for me. Sure I would love to find the girl of my dreams. And then get married and have kids. But sometimes that’s not in the card for you. It’s weird because just last week I wasn’t thinking about this.
As the guy you don't need to worry about complications like women do. Your tadpoles aren't going to produce babies with brain damage. If you are worried a out complications maybe look for someone a few years younger. Just make sure you're actually compatible.
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Old 06-07-2020, 04:00 AM
 
8,997 posts, read 4,641,025 times
Reputation: 18247
Quote:
Originally Posted by North Beach Person View Post
One thing I've observed is that those who wait to have children until they're "established" never are.

Of course you have to find a woman, that would be step one.

One thing that I've observed is that those who wait to have kids until they can afford them have less problems and happier lives.
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Old 06-07-2020, 04:33 AM
 
Location: North Beach, MD on the Chesapeake
35,213 posts, read 45,185,288 times
Reputation: 45616
Quote:
Originally Posted by Harpaint View Post
One thing that I've observed is that those who wait to have kids until they can afford them have less problems and happier lives.
The ones I've observed never end up having kids because they never reach that magic moment where they think they can. These are mainly people in the upper 5% of income, making more in a couple months than the vast majority of people make in a year.
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Old 06-07-2020, 04:40 AM
 
5,746 posts, read 2,531,352 times
Reputation: 11160
Quote:
Originally Posted by NDak15 View Post
As the guy you don't need to worry about complications like women do. Your tadpoles aren't going to produce babies with brain damage. If you are worried a out complications maybe look for someone a few years younger. Just make sure you're actually compatible.
That is not true. There is a higher incidence of autism in children when the parents are older. This also happens when only the father is older. I saw this as well at my last job (state agency that served people with developmental disabilities). We had a lot of clients with much older parents. That said, the OP is only in his 30s, so no need to worry just yet.
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