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Old 06-09-2020, 10:41 AM
Location: Central, NJ
2,506 posts, read 5,277,135 times
Reputation: 3629


Are they close to school age, so the time they are with them can be cut down? If not I would find a daycare and cut down on the time that way. If they are caring for the children 3 full days a week, they are going to be making their own decisions and rules. Cut down on the time so they can do more grandparenting and less parenting.
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Old 06-10-2020, 12:14 AM
Location: Eugene, Oregon
10,611 posts, read 3,760,135 times
Reputation: 15881
Originally Posted by Electrician4you View Post
I have friends who take care of grandchildren. I can tell you that they get as tired of taking care of them as you hearing their criticisms. Truthfully relying on your parents to raise your kid is unfair to everyone. Your parents, you and your kid. While I don’t mind taking care of someone’s kid as far as occasionally babysitting (and I have done it in the past and continue to do so) I’m not going to do it on a daily basis.
Even if it was my own grand kid

SI ce they are also raising your kid for free you do t really get to say a whole lot on what they do. They raised you didn’t they? You probably turned out ok so your kid should too.

That last remark has raised an off-the-wall comment from me. If I had children who I needed help raising, I wouldn't have let my own parents come anywhere near them. I would never subject a child to what I had to endure from them. So there can be another side to that coin. But I'm afraid that the OP is somewhat stuck in this situation and there will be some unpleasant feelings for all concerned, if the grandparents are edged out of their role. Finding a way to minimize that should be the goal, as I don't see how it could be completely avoided. Tapering off the amount of time the grandparents spend with the kids, rather than entirely cutting them out, would be the best, if possible. And the grandparents just might think that is a great idea.
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Old 06-10-2020, 05:23 AM
Location: Sydney Australia
759 posts, read 426,833 times
Reputation: 1177
I would imagine that the rules in daycare are similar in most countries, ie that children are not allowed to be there if they are sick. This is enforced even more with the virus about.

Thus if you have your kids in daycare there will inevitably be quite a few days when you need back up babysitters if you both work. Then when they are at school there are all the vacations, after school pickups and so on.

In my country it is very common for families to use a combination of grandparent care and formal care. Many grandparents, including myself, opt for a day a week and help when possible if kids are sick (depends very much on own health if this is wise or even doable) and help out in school holidays.

I had, in the pandemic, been helping out with homeschooling for both my daughters. So had a few weeks when I was seeing the grandkids much more than normal. I found myself even dreaming about them and then waking up and saying to myself, “it is ok, they are not MY children.” Something grandparents often need a reminder about. Because we love them dearly.

Now they are back at school, it is with joy that this week that I resumed my usual routine of doing the afternoon school run, one day for each daughter. We have a bit of a compromise with treats. I try not to give them too much rubbish and this afternoon they begged me to buy them sushi for their afternoon snack. Grandma could not say no to that!
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Old 06-10-2020, 05:31 AM
121 posts, read 29,775 times
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As a grandparent, I think the fact that you are on here discussing this means it is bothering you enough that you should find alternative arrangements. I like the idea of getting them to help you to cover when one of the children is sick. But it's not fair to you or to them to continue with the current arrangement, since you seem resentful of what they are doing.
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Old 06-10-2020, 02:07 PM
6,799 posts, read 5,833,536 times
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Originally Posted by Harpaint View Post
Toddlers don't need a "sweet treat" daily as Gma is giving him. The parents, not Gma, should decide on what, when, and where for a toddler's sweets imo. My toddlers had no "sweets" until they were 4-5 and they have no eating disorders. Some of their friends whose parents were more lenient are downright obese now, like so much of our population.
My DD does not allow my grandsons to have sweets or juice. They are 6 1/2 and 3 1/2. They eat a vegetarian organic diet. I respect DD's wishes, and only feed them what is allowed when caring for them. No sweets doesn't mean the food isn't good...we make pancakes, quesadillas, homemade pizza, spaghetti, blueberry muffins.

I'm their primary caretaker during the week, unpaid during the summer when school is closed (I'm a cafeteria cook and am off all summer). It's my contribution to help out (I'd just be vegetating anyway), and I like staying at their house (I have my own room with a queen sized bed, big screen TV, and adjoining bath). I stayed with them for two months to watch the kids during the Corona lockdown.
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