U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Covid-19 Information Page
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 06-13-2020, 12:00 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
84,417 posts, read 77,596,360 times
Reputation: 85560

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by RobertFisher View Post
How to tell a desire to go to private school is for legitimate reasons, rather than just trying to keep up with the Jones?
I'm not sure I understand your question. Are you implying, that a 14-year-old would be into keeping up with the Joneses?

I think it's more likely, that a 13- or 14-year-old considering which school to opt for, would be more interested in which one offers topics that capture their interest, like an earth sciences/environmentalism program, or an international studies focus, or a culture and anthropology series, and so on. Maybe one school has a learn-by-doing methodology that would appeal to certain students.

You never know what may get teens fired up. Have you talked to your student, to find out what subject areas they enjoy exploring on their own?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 06-13-2020, 12:17 PM
 
Location: Redwood Shores, CA
658 posts, read 245,111 times
Reputation: 694
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
I'm not sure I understand your question. Are you implying, that a 14-year-old would be into keeping up with the Joneses?

I think it's more likely, that a 13- or 14-year-old considering which school to opt for, would be more interested in which one offers topics that capture their interest, like an earth sciences/environmentalism program, or an international studies focus, or a culture and anthropology series, and so on. Maybe one school has a learn-by-doing methodology that would appeal to certain students.

You never know what may get teens fired up. Have you talked to your student, to find out what subject areas they enjoy exploring on their own?
It's my wife arguing for private school. I have this question because, in the current private middle school graduating class, there is quite a competitive culture. Not cut-throat nor hostile, but competitive. What high schools each kid applied to, was accepted into, and decided to go were all closely tracked and compared, and discussed privately among the mothers my wife hang out with (probably all other parents too). I would not be surprised if some of them feel beaten if the kid does not go to private school when others do.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-13-2020, 12:26 PM
 
Location: STL area
1,364 posts, read 671,791 times
Reputation: 2810
Academically, things are likely pretty equal. What a good private school can offer is innovation, smaller class sizes, more individualized teaching, a better style or culture fit for some kids, the insulation from being subject to statewide educational defunding (MO just cut funds big time), a school that is completely focused on college prep can have better college counseling. Ours has better sports, music, Art, theater...no threat of losing funding. Biggest plus right now is that the private schools we are in did so much better with distance learning than the public schools. Night and day, seriously.

Some kids will flourish better in the larger environment of public school and the top level classes are really the same classes. There is a reason they work for so many. I think our tuition is worth it, but I wouldn’t go into debt for it. We can afford to do this and fund college, so it’s easy to pick best fit. Our oldest and youngest could fit fine anywhere but are better in the smaller classes, etc., my middle would be the one who I’d make sacrifices to keep in private. He would not thrive in public.

Last edited by STL74; 06-13-2020 at 12:38 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-13-2020, 01:06 PM
 
Location: Redwood Shores, CA
658 posts, read 245,111 times
Reputation: 694
In contemplating this decision, I also thought of one side question which I thought is pretty interesting. I throw it out to see if anyone has any thoughts.

If a kid goes to private school from K1 to K12, at the rate we paid, it would be 480K -- the cost of a small house. I wonder whether it is more beneficial to the kid to spend this money on K1-12 private school's incremental benefit, or to just give the kid this sum or a house when the kid gets out of college.

I wonder this because many people take 15, 20, even 30 years to build up this kind of net worth, even with private school education.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-13-2020, 01:31 PM
 
3,628 posts, read 1,487,361 times
Reputation: 9479
So much depends on whether or not the public school "works" for your kid. In my case, the high-priced system was failing my son. He had some ADD and there was a lot of drama at home before I divorced his alcoholic, verbally abusive, controlling father (and of course he still had lingering effects even after the divorce and the move to a new home in the same district). He was falling through the cracks in the public school system. I sent him to NY Military Academy for HS as a boarding student- $48K total for 4 years but that was 1999-2003.

I would do it all over again. I'd even pay double. The small classes, the discipline, the clear rewards for good behavior and the consequences for not following rules- he chose to shape up and graduated an honor student. I don't even want to think how he would have turned out if he'd stayed in the public school system. No, they didn't have frills but they did the basics well. The atmosphere was totally different- all the parents WANTED their kids to be there and supported the administration. The administration, in turn, knew that if we weren't happy we'd take our kids and our $$ elsewhere. DS did have some problems getting his act together in college but he got a Math degree from a good school (Drake) and is now supporting a wife and 3 kids with his job as a claims adjuster.

If your kid is likely to do well in public school I'd stick with that, especially if you'd have a hard time funding college if you spent it all on HS. (I was able to cash-flow DS' HS costs.) The only exception might be if you had a kid who was Harvard or Yale material and he/she might have a better chance getting into the Ivies with the private school.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-13-2020, 04:02 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
48,766 posts, read 47,054,962 times
Reputation: 95503
Quote:
Originally Posted by RobertFisher View Post
In contemplating this decision, I also thought of one side question which I thought is pretty interesting. I throw it out to see if anyone has any thoughts.

If a kid goes to private school from K1 to K12, at the rate we paid, it would be 480K -- the cost of a small house. I wonder whether it is more beneficial to the kid to spend this money on K1-12 private school's incremental benefit, or to just give the kid this sum or a house when the kid gets out of college.

I wonder this because many people take 15, 20, even 30 years to build up this kind of net worth, even with private school education.
I personally don't think that handing a college a half-million dollars or a home is helpful to him. In the situations where I've seen it done, it doesn't end positively for the kid. It changes their mindset, and makes them think about worth and work differently.

This decision, the financial cost of this education, should be a wake-up call to cause you and your wife to re-evaluate your lifestyle and see if what you're paying for is actually going toward a positive result.

In my opinion, your obsession with net wealth and helping your son skip steps toward that, and your wife's concern about fitting in with other moms in the area, are not helpful, healthy priorities.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-13-2020, 06:16 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
18,511 posts, read 19,325,786 times
Reputation: 46472
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
(snip)

This decision, the financial cost of this education, should be a wake-up call to cause you and your wife to re-evaluate your lifestyle and see if what you're paying for is actually going toward a positive result.

In my opinion, your obsession with net wealth and helping your son skip steps toward that, and your wife's concern about fitting in with other moms in the area, are not helpful, healthy priorities.
I agree.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-13-2020, 06:50 PM
 
5,208 posts, read 4,510,024 times
Reputation: 15107
Assuming you have the resources, it depends upon the needs of the child. If it's a great public high school, and he's a motivated student, public. If he's a mediocre student because of lack of motivation, and the private school would give him a lot of attention and inspiration, private. If he has special ed needs that only the public school can meet, public. If he is such a highly motivated, brilliant student that the public school's classes cannot meet his needs, and the private school is one of the tops in the country, that WOULD meet his needs, private.

I suspect that the answer is to send him to the public school and guide him to wring every drop of opportunity out of it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-13-2020, 07:04 PM
 
12,244 posts, read 9,688,746 times
Reputation: 31579
Your child's ultimate success in life will be the results of the decisions he makes after age 18 when he is a legal adult. Not a high school.

There are a ton of burnouts who went to the "right" school.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RobertFisher View Post
2. Private schools filter in kids that are focused on learning, either willingly or are forced by their parents. I am wording this as delicately as I can, since this is an even more politically sensitive topic. By contrast, our local public schools seem to be pre-occupied with a lot of other stuff. For example, our nearest public elementary school has a busing program busing in poorer neighborhood kids to achieve a certain mix in the class. I don't know if this occurs at high school level, but either way public high schools are bound to have a lot of kids who have no intention of further studying and are there just because that's required by the law.
Also, your child will come in contact with Black people in his lifetime. Trying to find a school with few Black children won't change his trajectory in life. Black children are not an infection to avoid. It's disgusting that you believe Black children or Black parents don't take school seriously or don't care about their futures. Racism is dead, huh? White kids can be as problematic as anyone else. Shame folks don't see this. Remember Ethan Couch or Brock Turner?

Last edited by charlygal; 06-13-2020 at 07:21 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-13-2020, 07:12 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
84,417 posts, read 77,596,360 times
Reputation: 85560
Quote:
Originally Posted by parentologist View Post
Assuming you have the resources, it depends upon the needs of the child. If it's a great public high school, and he's a motivated student, public. If he's a mediocre student because of lack of motivation, and the private school would give him a lot of attention and inspiration, private. If he has special ed needs that only the public school can meet, public. If he is such a highly motivated, brilliant student that the public school's classes cannot meet his needs, and the private school is one of the tops in the country, that WOULD meet his needs, private.

I suspect that the answer is to send him to the public school and guide him to wring every drop of opportunity out of it.
This is a very good point. Parents of bright kids who tend to slack in public school, because it's easier to get by with less effort, send their kids to private school to force the to develop discipline.

This is absolutely key for success in college, btw, OP. You want a student who's self-motivated, good with time management, meeting deadlines, and all that, because once they get to college, there will be less structure than in HS, so students who haven't developed good study habits and self-motivation tend to flounder in college. The others are able to chug along on their own steam just fine.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2020, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top