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Old 06-17-2020, 03:40 PM
 
39 posts, read 7,431 times
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If she is just 19, she would still be on your health insurance, assuming you have health insurance, so maybe you could send her to counseling, though the whole family may have to go at one time or another in support. One day she will "wake up" and realize she has nothing - no friends, no family, no education, no skills. Then it will get worse because she will blame you for that.
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Old 06-17-2020, 04:04 PM
Status: "Happy Juneteenth!" (set 11 hours ago)
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
19,782 posts, read 24,949,648 times
Reputation: 52693
First of all, do not blame this on leftists, progressives, or Democrats. I am a progressive, and I would never, ever tolerate this type of behavior.

As another poster said, I am having a hard time understanding if you are her father or someone else. Is English your first language?

I do not ever agree with throwing a disturbed young adult out of the house. Whether is't nature or nurture, a series of very bad choices has lead her to this point. Some on her part, some on yours.

From what you wrote, I only know one bad mistake and it was yours - buying her a car. What on earth did she do to deserve this? I do not believe in rewarding bad behavior. NO kid is entitled to a car. They should earn their own money and buy one themselves.

What was she like BEFORE she was 13? What if any were your expectations of her? Was she guided, loved and disciplined? Or allowed to do what ever she waned?

She needs help and so do you and her mother. Do not let her loose in this condition. It seems as though she has emotional problems, but even that is not an excuse for bad behavior.

You need professional advice and a backbone.
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Old 06-17-2020, 06:19 PM
 
12 posts, read 1,382 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
First of all, do not blame this on leftists, progressives, or Democrats. I am a progressive, and I would never, ever tolerate this type of behavior.
This is the reason for the argument with her mom to punish her instead of passively taking to her. The reason I did nothing was because it is not my house as I have another place. I noticed this passive non-punishment when her nephew about 15 yrs back-talked her mother. They quickly forgive their own blood. If they murdered someone, they would forgive them right away. Those type of people.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
As another poster said, I am having a hard time understanding if you are her father or someone else. Is English your first language?
Yes. I was typing quick and had to get to work and noticed the grammatical errors. I did try intentionally to make it third person.

I do not ever agree with throwing a disturbed young adult out of the house. Whether is't nature or nurture, a series of very bad choices has lead her to this point. Some on her part, some on yours.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
From what you wrote, I only know one bad mistake and it was yours - buying her a car. What on earth did she do to deserve this? I do not believe in rewarding bad behavior. NO kid is entitled to a car. They should earn their own money and buy one themselves.
Early on in high school I had told her to get A's as an incentive to get into college since she was not competing in sports. I like to keep my word and set an example.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
What was she like BEFORE she was 13? What if any were your expectations of her? Was she guided, loved and disciplined? Or allowed to do what ever she waned?
Not really. At age 13 she insisted that her mom return the states for 1 year of high school and that is when all the rebellism started. It ended up being what it is now. All 4 years and 1 yr of college. Then she complained about the college students, stress, and started getting into drugs, kept the car trashed on the inside, and more immaturity. Had to call cops on her 23-yr old druggie BF. She moved out to another state to work in food services thinking she could make it on her own. No relative knew of her address while she was gone. I's hard to say but she's a real piece of work.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
She needs help and so do you and her mother. Do not let her loose in this condition. It seems as though she has emotional problems, but even that is not an excuse for bad behavior.
You need professional advice and a backbone.
I grew up here and told her mom what any other culture would do with a child that acted like this. I insisted her mother kick her out for a day or two for this extreme level of disrespect. Punishment was warranted. I insisted to talk to her behind her locked bedroom door because this cannot go unchecked and life as usual for her. Because of loud talking from myself and her mom for just a few minutes and the police brutality going on in the news, daughter overheard us shouting and called the police on me. She did the same thing one night prior and my tone never included curse words.
I was insisting she(her mom) stand up to her for what she did to me one night prior and the weeks before to her own mom. I think she called the police with a sliver of hope that I would be angry and the cops would injure me. This level of hate, disrespect, manipulation and other odd behavior is psychopathic. Like I said there are very odd sounds she does alone.
I have come to the conclusion she will no longer be a part of my life due to her innate evil nature and manipulation. Way too much drama, baggage, and inept with self-explanatory daily life workings (i.e. washing machine, common key opening door locks, easy spender (doesn't like numbers), wants the govt to subsidize everything. It is somewhat political for her. Fathers day will still be great for me.
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Old 06-17-2020, 06:22 PM
 
12 posts, read 1,382 times
Reputation: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by NotahYei View Post
If she is just 19, she would still be on your health insurance, assuming you have health insurance, so maybe you could send her to counseling, though the whole family may have to go at one time or another in support. One day she will "wake up" and realize she has nothing - no friends, no family, no education, no skills. Then it will get worse because she will blame you for that.
yes, she's on her mom health policy and went to therapy for a while but then the therapist was convinced the mom is the problem and wanted to do home welfare checks about 1.5 yrs ago.
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Old 06-17-2020, 06:30 PM
 
12 posts, read 1,382 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
Do you really believe you did the best you could??

She sounds like a complete nightmare indulged person who can't even be out in public without getting into confrontations with strangers.
she can if it's a place like WholeFoods or some mystical astrological shop with incense or a thrift store.
Oh she hates people buy new clothes at Macys or Kohls and thinks you should only by used clothes so her wardrobe can really stand out oddly.
[quote=BirdieBelle;58403875
Buying her a car isn't going to compensate for being absent and uninvolved for much of her childhood. [/QUOTE]
The car was bought 1.5 yrs ago for a promise if she got A's in HS and then went to college.
She had lots of love from her mom and me. I did many outdoor activities with her when she was young. She had always run to see me when at the airport. It is very common for families to travel a lot when their respective parents and sibling live in different countries.

...absent? for years 1-11 I was always there. The flights back and forth were maybe 60 days once a year due to work constraints and it wasn't every year. Skype video and int'l calls kept everything A-OK. I was part of the very early movement of work from home/anywhere independent contractor but still had to come back in for face-to-face meetings.
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Old 06-17-2020, 06:36 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
48,754 posts, read 47,054,962 times
Reputation: 95483
Quote:
Originally Posted by allaboard19 View Post

The reason I did nothing was because it is not my house as I have another place.
What a cop-out.

You're still her father, regardless of whose place she's in.
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Old 06-17-2020, 07:10 PM
 
12 posts, read 1,382 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
What a cop-out.

You're still her father, regardless of whose place she's in.
Yes, but just someone she has spoken with a maximum of maybe 3-4 times since April 2019, some by DM or short phone call. She kept screwing up repeatedly. Repeated lies. Marijuana use, compulsive spending on junk and now a strict diet (with the same Nicole Kidman frail appearance) because of love for animals. It is embarrassing and tiring for a smart articulate person to intentionally do this. At age 18+ I am no longer responsible for the child's bad choices when everything I've done was guide and recommend certain paths that would turn out positive. You give them the tools, guide them, and invest as well. She even had positive kids around her growing up who are doing great today. But she decided they are not on her level, since they attend church services and believe in god. She's anti-religion but likes hinduism for some odd reason(yet they have gods so not sure what she is thinking).
She says she meditates and follows astrology.
I've only spoke 1/2 about her behavior. You think you can correct just this half you've heard about
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Old 06-17-2020, 07:13 PM
 
1,393 posts, read 1,052,149 times
Reputation: 3088
Wow I wonder where she learned to shirk all responsibility...
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Old 06-17-2020, 07:15 PM
 
39 posts, read 7,431 times
Reputation: 124
I think you need some sort of third party intervention (e.g., a counselor); otherwise, you are all stuck in behavior ruts that will not change. Will she return to counseling? And will you and your wife go if need be? Some one has to step up and suggest a change.
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Old 06-17-2020, 07:23 PM
 
12 posts, read 1,382 times
Reputation: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lbjen View Post
Wow I wonder where she learned to shirk all responsibility...
Not sure
I am courteous with relatives, strangers, acquaintances or even a business who ripped me off.
My health and credit have always been excellent. I spoke with her about how important credit history is and personal finance.
Everyone can be passionate and argue without disrespecting the other with expletives bu that's today's toxic social media including videos people see online. Wow, and just 2 weeks ago she told me TV violence is dehumanizing people.

Last edited by allaboard19; 06-17-2020 at 07:32 PM..
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