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So she has formed her own path and has made some big mistakes along the way. Not at all uncommon at that age. Even more understandable given that her youth was split between 2 continents with a frequently absent father. And from what the OP has posted, it seems as though even if you were around, you were not respecting her choices and are constantly criticizing her, so of course she rebels and just fights you on everything. If you were yelling loud enough that she called the cops on you? There is definitely a huge disconnect between you two, so it's no wonder you want to just throw her away.
Not sure
I am courteous with relatives, strangers, acquaintances or even a business who ripped me off.
My health and credit have always been excellent. I spoke with her about how important credit history is and personal finance.
Everyone can be passionate and argue without disrespecting the other with expletives bu that's today's toxic social media including videos people see online. Wow, and just 2 weeks ago she told me TV violence is dehumanizing people.
There’s nothing in here about what a good parent you are. You mention how you were once called in another country to reprimand her over the phone. You mention that she was removed from therapy after the therapist dared to suggest that perhaps the issue might be the parents. You bought her a car despite not being happy with any of her decisions. But noooo, it’s all the media and her friends and society that are to blame.
She sounds more like what my grandpa would have called "a real pistol" than a true problem child. I mean, a few f-bombs and a militant hatred of meat aren't exactly the worst things a teenager can get into.
She needs to get a job and move out, for everyone's sanity. Living in close quarters is hard enough when you don't also have personality and belief clashes. Give her a realistic timetable for doing so (bear in mind the current economy and coronavirus situation) and give her a kind but firm push out of the nest. Personally I'd help out, to show it was a gift and not a punishment, either financially, practically or both.
She sounds scrappy and smart - she'll figure things out.
She sounds more like what my grandpa would have called "a real pistol" than a true problem child. I mean, a few f-bombs and a militant hatred of meat aren't exactly the worst things a teenager can get into.
She needs to get a job and move out, for everyone's sanity. Living in close quarters is hard enough when you don't also have personality and belief clashes. Give her a realistic timetable for doing so (bear in mind the current economy and coronavirus situation) and give her a kind but firm push out of the nest. Personally I'd help out, to show it was a gift and not a punishment, either financially, practically or both.
She sounds scrappy and smart - she'll figure things out.
You had me up until the bolded sentence. She has gone far beyond scrappy, and that's not smart if you are financially dependent on the person you are cursing out. She sounds obnoxious and spoiled is more like it.
But she is NOT financially dependent upon him, and she does NOT live in his household. She lives with mother, and he doesn't live there. There is not a darned thing that he can do about the whole situation.
Since he has no control, the best thing that he can do is love her, charm her, encourage her. Only praise and admiration. Encourage her to get a job, education, a life. But only in a positive way. He has no other options, since she is NOT his dependent and does NOT live under his roof.
It seems to me the OP got a lot of good advice here, but instead of seeking and wanting a change in his relationship with her, wants validation of how he parented was correct and proper (i.e., it's her, not me).
Nothing will change. Further words on this subject are wasted. I kind of feel sorry for her; she will always be his daughter.
Daughter has always had a temperature issue. It was thought of as just part South American blood and being spoiled. While I was away in the states sometimes, daughter would be mean to her grandmother and I would be called to talk with her to obey her grandmom. Then a year or so later I called her to obey her mom.
As a HS teen in the states, she yelled at a vietnam veteran disagreeing with him vehemently about war per her mom. I told her you shouldn't be telling an older man what was wrong with the war if you were not part of that period or the issues back in those days.
- In HS meets the wrong group of people, starts hanging out with them. They think college is not for them due to the costs. She never went to HS sports games or events or had a good set of friends that were on the right track,. She despised those types and called them part of the system of slaves.
she is anti-religion, anti-police, anti-military, and anti meat eaters and calls you a murderer if you eat animal flesh. She now claims she gets sick from the smell of meat.
Fast fwd to last week, I am watching an old show about Miami ad she is making some food. Fathers says to her, "Miami used to be like Detroit and Chicago in the mid 80s but the police turned that city around. " She says, "sure. they should be defunded because the system is bad" Then father says, "defund? They
should be funded more for the stress they go through. There will be far more murders and domestic violence and abuse than you think. You really can't believe that all police are bad can you?"
In an extremely irked and snarky condescending tone she said .. yeah sure. I said, well I am still going to support them because I have had no issues with them and she's met a reserve cop friend of mine who's main job was with the city fire dept.
Then she stormed into her room. Father then said, "we are still going to eat meat" (her mom & family loves all types of meat). Still support the military (father was in the military). and still believe in god." Her mom is is guided by Jesus daily and got me back deeper into faith a few years ago.
Daughter had almost closed the door but then lashed back with . Oh yeah, "go ahead and be ____ murderer. You're a ___ old man. You're also a ___ failure. I wish I was artificially inseminated and never was born from your sperm."
All those blanks were f-bombs to a parent!!! Her mom was there too and looked at her incredulously. I was shocked and very disappointed. I was at fault for bringing up a sensitive topic about meat, which instigated this situation but who reacts this way to a parent???
I said she needs to move back out with that kind of mouth. She was kicked out a year earlier and moved to another state.
Her behavior has simply gotten worse with calling her mom stupid and a slave to the system. I had very little communication with her for the last year since she was sneaking as a 17yr old out the window to see a known drug user 23 yr old whom she lied about. I found out his brother was arrested six time for drugs. She's actually lied about a lot of things. It's compulsive and sadly there's more. I think about a friend why he never had kids and this is why. You raise them the best you can and invest into college funds, buy them a car, for their future and they try to destroy yours with stress and no appreciation and a lack of tolerance. To me it is ideology over your own parents. whatever they read on the internet is factual or if it comes from someone with a title that has perceived importance.
What is the daughter's relation to the OP? OP keeps saying "daughter" but that doesn't make sense. Is OP the grandfather? I thought mother or father at first but OP references mother, father, and grandmother.
Either way, sounds like quite a challenge dealing with this super entitled "child".
Last edited by baltimoreguy1; 06-18-2020 at 03:10 PM..
Hey kid.....if living here is so bad, there is the door. You’re 19 a legal adult and if you can make it on your own.......get on that horse and ride
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