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Old 06-20-2020, 04:01 PM
 
12,256 posts, read 9,700,707 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
You will get knee-jerk responses here from people who say, "What does it matter? They need to get off social media anyway!"

But that isn't helpful advice because this is the social capital of this generation.

So what it is at its core is rejection, and rejection hurts.

First, make sure your kids aren't actually doing something that is pushing people away. Once you've determined that ...

I always wanted my kids to be "connected" in multiple ways, whether it's sports or a part-time job or extracurricular activities so that they aren't basing their entire sense of self worth on reactions they get from peers online.

Keep them busy, and remind them that this type of action 1) usually isn't really about them but a sign of insecurity in the others, and 2) doesn't usually last.

Don't insult the other kids. Let your kid vent if they need to, but don't get drawn into pettiness. Likewise, don't downplay your kid's feelings. Do something fun that distracts them, if this is a fresh rejection.

Make sure they understand that their self-esteem has to come from inside them; it can't be a reflection of what they think other people think about them. And it can be a learning experience for YOUR kid to be kind to others.
I understand your point. However, I think young people need to understand the line between real, in person, in your life friends and just virtual online friends. It is dangerous for our society and our children's future if they can't separate the two and develop emotional maturity around what is REAL.

OP, are these real people your child knows or are they nameless, faceless virtual strangers?
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Old 06-20-2020, 05:16 PM
 
2,483 posts, read 773,068 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by winterbird View Post
My question isn't regarding any particular situation. I'm asking for insight/suggestions on how to help teens navigate the angst that comes with social media aggression.
Unfortunately, these are the days I'm glad I'm not a kid. Social media means that other kids being "mean" can come with way bigger consequences than before it existed. Are you talking about merely rejection/unfriending, or other kids posting terrible things to social media for the whole world to see that could exist on the internet for your kids' entire life and possibly lead to harassment and worse?
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Old 06-20-2020, 06:13 PM
 
1,302 posts, read 1,541,874 times
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I'm referring to the rejection and self esteem slump that BirdieBelle referred to. Real life situations often provide opportunities to resolve typical relationship issues. We know the teen years are plagued with interactions that must be navigated and overcome. I think social media poses a unique challenge. I was just curious if anyone had particular tools and strategies they use to help kids. I appreciate the responses.
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Old 06-20-2020, 06:38 PM
 
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The best thing they can do is wean themselves off of social media. It isn't helping society at all.
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Old 06-20-2020, 07:12 PM
 
1,382 posts, read 780,687 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by winterbird View Post
My question isn't regarding any particular situation. I'm asking for insight/suggestions on how to help teens navigate the angst that comes with social media aggression.
The best way to mitigate damage is to have a few friend groups from school, sports, family, church, camp so if one goes south there are other options.
They have to self examine the reason for that aggression and accept at least some responsibility because rarely is it random. Then they have to decide if they can or they want to mend the fence, deal with the drama or try to understand the larger picture.
As a parent, it might help if you can play out different scenarios.
Possibility that the angst is shame just as much as it might be a total misunderstanding or some other scenario that you never even thought of.
I’d suggest your child talk with some ally in the group so they get a better idea of the dynamic.
If it’s time to move on to a different friend group so be it. There’s learning in that too.
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Old 06-20-2020, 09:06 PM
 
Location: NYC
16,432 posts, read 10,606,679 times
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Kids with anxiety have very fragile emotions so it is best to restrict usage and none of my teenage kids use it and they know all their classmates are on it.

It's a very dangerous tool for kids because it causes greater emotional stress and anxiety. I highly encourage parents to monitor usage and have kids suspend their social media accts and delete the apps on their smartphones. Text messaging should also be monitored to ensure there is nothing suspicious going on.

Even adults today make so many unnecessary social media posts that wind up getting them in serious trouble. You can lose your job, people's trust, and may attract unnecessary attention.
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Old 06-21-2020, 04:50 AM
 
Location: Northern Maine
5,420 posts, read 1,992,280 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by winterbird View Post
Does anyone have any good insight or resources to help teens coping with the anxiety and depression when social media friends delete, cancel, or give the silent treatment?

Of course, the best course of action/inaction is to stay off of social media. That's not going to happen with many teens. It's hurtful to have an argument with a "friend" and then discover that you've been unfriended/unfollowed. I'm just needing some feedback and insight to help teens gain a healthy perspective on this type of behavior.

I appreciate any responses.
Tell them not to seek approval of others, they will end up comparing their insides to others outsides, its a false picture of life.

There is no lack of self esteem, the problem is a lack of esteem for others.
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Old 06-21-2020, 06:22 AM
 
251 posts, read 126,657 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Threestep2 View Post
They need to socialize in the real world - sports, projects, volunteering ... whatever works for them.
This is really important. This is the basis of what true/real friendship is -- true friendship isn't about pressing the "like" button on FB; good friends show up when times are good, bad, or otherwise.
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Old 06-21-2020, 09:27 AM
 
1,382 posts, read 780,687 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JoesJava View Post
This is really important. This is the basis of what true/real friendship is -- true friendship isn't about pressing the "like" button on FB; good friends show up when times are good, bad, or otherwise.
I agree with you 100%. For me. I’m just not sure if that paradigm has changed for some segment of this generation of teens. Those cyber friendships seem real to them. I think it’s absolutely not good from where we sit today but hindsight will be 20/20.
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Old 06-21-2020, 01:25 PM
 
2,483 posts, read 773,068 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by winterbird View Post
I'm referring to the rejection and self esteem slump that BirdieBelle referred to. Real life situations often provide opportunities to resolve typical relationship issues. We know the teen years are plagued with interactions that must be navigated and overcome. I think social media poses a unique challenge. I was just curious if anyone had particular tools and strategies they use to help kids. I appreciate the responses.
Then, again: how is social-media rejection different from real-life rejection, if we're not talking about the issues specific to social media? Hell, I'd think it would be *easier*-- on social media these people are simply out of your life, the end. In real life, it's likely you would still have to see them at school, work, activities, wherever you know them from, which would be both painful and awkward.


Quote:
Originally Posted by jonesg View Post
Tell them not to seek approval of others, they will end up comparing their insides to others outsides, its a false picture of life.

There is no lack of self esteem, the problem is a lack of esteem for others.
But all of life is about this. The internet might make it *easier* for someone to hide the parts of their life they don't want public, but people for eternity have been putting on a front for others. It's human nature to put your best side forward. The people who seem to have the perfect marriage... until they get divorced and you find out he's been beating her for years. The people with the gorgeous house and yard... but they're hoarders and the inside of the house is a nightmare. The people who you thought led a charmed life until they commit suicide. The highly-attractive person you happen to see without their makeup one day. The person who seems so popular until they tell you they don't like most of those people and feel so lonely they could die. The person who always has all of the luxury items, and then it turns out they're in debt up to their eyeballs. The person who seems so great, except they're a psychopath. The well-kept house on your block that seems to be owned by nice quiet neighbors, until it explodes and you learn it was a giant meth lab.
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