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The garbage trick works for me. They have one try to get it done then Mom goes in with the garbage bag. Anything found on the floor and not put in its proper place goes in the trash. I only had to this once (yep expensive video games were thrown out). Now they only have to see me holding the garbage bag and their rooms are miraculously clean.
Take EVERYTHING out. Leave the bed and one or two outfits and maybe a desk, chair, and a lamp.
She can earn things back if she chooses to. It's your house, not hers.
I'd sit her down and ask her if she's proud of how her room looks and if she thinks it's ready for company. If she says yes, then leave it at that and either close the door, or make a huge deal out of showing everyone how proud of it she is.
If she says no, then ask her how she thinks it should be and how to go about getting to that point. I'd tell her it's all up to her, that you are done with stressing over it and from this point forward how it looks is a complete reflection on her and not you. Then...be done with it. She's been this way all along most likely and it's too late to try to change that for a one time occasion. It's simply not worth stressing over.
Her refusal to clean her room and her continuing defiance would have me absolutely livid!!
I'm so glad my son has not gone there yet. If he knows what good for him, he won't.
Geez...you think she would be appreciative considering you are throwing her a graduation party and she'll be the "star" -- doesn't she want to help out at all?
I don't post on this forum much (if ever) but for some reason I clicked on this thread. I'm not a parent and so people might just hem and haw at my suggestion because I'm not "part of that group". I see a lot of people claiming that you need to flex the parental muscle by taking drastic measures such as throwing her clothes away, exposing her room for the company, and basically creating animosity between the parent and the child/teen. I don't really see how this helps matters. Sure, she might clean her room if drastic measures are taken, but is that really the point? Is the point to humiliate and drive a line between you and your child? While I think it's imperative to show who the parent is, I think it can be done so much easier than with such drastic measures.
How about just sitting her down and explaining why you would appreciate her cleaning her room? Treat her like an adult. Because, as a teen, I remember feeling like I was becoming an adult and I wanted to be treated as such. I don't think there's any reason to NOT do this. Just simply explain to her that you want to respect her privacy and that there shouldn't be any need for it to be an argument. Above all, in my mind, just talk to her like you'd talk to her about anything (as an adult). You may also want to mention that it might be embarassing for her if someone walked into her room on accident and saw her underwear lying on the floor.
Edit: I felt the need to add this.
I can remember when my sister was in her teens and my parents used to plead with her about things like this. Whenever they took drastic measures it always seemed to validate my sister's excuses with her friends for why my parents were "horrible".
I remember overhearing phone conversations like this:
Sister: Oh my gosh! My parents are so horrible.
Friend: Why? What'd they do?
Sister: They wanted me to clean my room and it's MY room. It's none of their business how clean I keep my room.
Friend: I know, that's like so annoying isn't it?!
Sister: Then, my Dad, took the door off the room and now everyone can see everything that's going on!
Friend: That's horrible! If I had like parents like you Dad then like it would be soooo insane.
Sister: I know, thanks for like listening to me and like understanding what I'm saying. Isn't it so like horrible?
Friend: Yeah, it's like so horrible.
Now... I'm thinking about what would happen if you treated her like an adult. It wouldn't give her a leg to stand on.
Sister: Oh my gosh! You would not believe what my parent's did!
Friend: What?
Sister: They like talked to me like I was an adult and asked me nicely to like clean my room and explained the reasons why.
Friend: That's like so horrible. I feel so sorry for you.
Sister: I know, aren't they just like the most horrible parents in like the entire world?!
Leave it up to her once again! It drives me up the wall! We have family and friends coming into town for my daughter's graduation tomorrow. I've told her repeadily over the past week that she needs to have her room cleaned by Sunday. It didn't get cleaned. So last night, Monday, I told her I was going in her room. I know she hates that b/c she says it's invading her privacy. Anyhow, I took all of her stuff and clothes and piled it ever so high on her bed. She came home and saw it and said she f-in hates me. (she never cursed in front of me before) Now she refuses to clean it. I told her if she doesn't clean it I'll put it out to the trash or better yet I'll put it in her car. It's really embarrasing with this mess and company coming. My sister said don't break your back taking the stuff out, just lock her door. Any suggestions?
Well, having done the exact same stuff, the number one reason atleast why I put stuff off is because looking at it all, whatever it may be, is too daunting and I didn't have the capability to break it into pieces.
If you can get her to just spend some time (like 30 min to an hour) cleaning it to some music or tv, I think it will be easier to get her to clean
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