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The only real problem for me is I don’t know what to go to school for...
I am not working at McDonalds. I have a Census job right now, but it’s only temporary. I have more than enough money in savings to move out (once I get a permanent job), but she wants me to go to school instead of work. What I really want is to be on my own again and ideally move back to the West Coast eventually.
I did work at Walmart for three months in Houston (where my family sent me to mental health “bootcamp”) but came back once my lease was up I was out. If I could go back in time I probably would have just stuck with the job as I ended up trading one hell for another by moving back to Iowa.
With this post, I am more looking for how other parents would deal with their children failing in life after college. Thanks
You keep posting the same information in different threads.
You DO need to work. Why does your mom want you to go back to school? Is she paying for it? The census job is a good-paying job. Do that, and save up to move wherever you want to move so you can get that out of your system. Then you won't be able to blame location anymore.
The main problem with this post is your definition of failure. These days, "employed" is the new "promoted."
Sorry about the typo in the title. I am posting from my phone.
How would you feel if your adult child ended up in a non-managerial position at Walmart or McDonald’s due to having a useless college major? Would you feel you failed as a parent?
My mom is going though the same thing. I am unemployable due to mental illness and a BA in Art History. She let me come live with her because I seemingly can’t get a better job than entry level minimum wage. Now that I’m living with her she is forcing me to get my **** back together and go back to school. It’s very humbling living with her again.
Well, I'm sure she feels she should have given you more guidance when choosing a major (I;m not sure what you thought you'd do with a BA in Art History, but it's really not a very marketable major at a BA level. If that's the field you like, you'd need an advanced degree than you could work in a museum, gallery or perhaps art teacher. When picking a major, you have to give thought into what you actually want to do.
Until you have some clear and focused idea what that is, and what you'd be good at, I wouldn't go back to school.
Instead be the best McDonald's employee they have. be a few minutes early rather than a few minutes late, do things above and beyond your duties, be so good with customers they mention you in their reviews. You may end up getting a promotion.
I have to ask though, is management really a good fit for you given your mental illness? There are few more high-stress jobs. You have to be calm while getting screamed at by irate customers, and while having 18-year old employees tell you to go F yourself as they walk off the job in the middle of the shift. I know myself I would not be a good manager because I'm not confident or firm enough (the employees would walk all over me) and I hate conflict.
Make a list of what your strengths are, and which kind of setting would fit best for you. What is your ideal job, is it indoorso outdoors? Do you work with a lot of people in a big corporate place, or only a few in a family owned business? Is it 9-5 or a job (like manager) where you often have to stay late? What are you good at, and what aren't you good at: conflict resolution, fixing things, computers? Do you have good people skills, or should your job be behind the scenes? Are you good with animals, do you have good fine motor skills or spatial skills, a green thumb?
To me that's the most important thing. The fact you chose such a vague major seems to indicate you don't really know the answer to these questions. I think asking your mom to take you to an aptitude counselor would help tremendously. My mom did this when I was a very aimless teen. They give you all sorts of aptitude tests, spatial skills tests, reflexes, anything you can think of, to try to determine where your areas of strength are and what careers fit well with those.
Just so you know, census workers experience a LOT of conflict. Many people today become outraged when someone knocks at their door, and many are suspicious of the government and don't want anything to do with you. People threaten you and you get sent to crappy neighborhoods. I only mention this because you mentioned mental illness. So please make sure you can handle whatever kind of job you choose. Again, the sweet spot is something you like AND are good at and tempermentally suited for.
I DO think you should work a low level job in the meantime because IMO it will be good for you mentally to have a reason to need to get out of bed and dressed everyday. And if you do as I advised and go above and beyond to do a great job, the praise and pride you get will do more for you than any meds you may take. Don't worry about what the job is right now, till you figure out your next steps.
Mental illness always in your genes. It all her fault anyway. Maybe it is her that needs help? You might suggest in a very loving and caring way that she needs to see a psychiatrist. She is projecting. She wants you to do this advanced education now during Covid? Pretty unrealistic, don't you think?
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I know someone who has 2 degrees and works at McDonald's...... He did have a career related to his degree major but then got laid off. Since then he's been working at McDonald's full-time. This guy I know is an strange cookie. So, it wouldn't surprise me if he works there for the rest of his working life.
The young man who put the natural marble in our shower had an art degree. He went into the trades and uses his artistic talents to make an excellent living.
I don't know how much your census job has been curtailed because of covid, but I was an enumerator in 2010 and worked through 3 rounds of census work and could have been on the 4th but got another job while waiting.
Our mothers must be related. Every time something didn't go right with me or my brother, including both of us being divorced, she wondered what she did wrong. The main thing she needs to realize is that you're working, not just sitting at home playing online games.
Sorry about the typo in the title. I am posting from my phone.
How would you feel if your adult child ended up in a non-managerial position at Walmart or McDonald’s due to having a useless college major? Would you feel you failed as a parent?
My mom is going though the same thing. I am unemployable due to mental illness and a BA in Art History. She let me come live with her because I seemingly can’t get a better job than entry level minimum wage. Now that I’m living with her she is forcing me to get my shhit back together and go back to school. It’s very humbling living with her again.
The only real problem for me is I don’t know what to go to school for...
I am not working at McDonalds. I have a Census job right now, but it’s only temporary. I have more than enough money in savings to move out (once I get a permanent job), but she wants me to go to school instead of work. What I really want is to be on my own again and ideally move back to the West Coast eventually.
I did work at Walmart for three months in Houston (where my family sent me to mental health “bootcamp”) but came back once my lease was up I was out. If I could go back in time I probably would have just stuck with the job as I ended up trading one hell for another by moving back to Iowa.
With this post, I am more looking for how other parents would deal with their children failing in life after college. Thanks
My son started working at Burger King at 14. He's 35 now. He stayed at BK until he lost the job when he had to call out because my dad had cancer; my son was needed to take him to an appointment. He had done 3 quarters at the Art Institute of Philly, decided to leave. He then drove for an auto parts place. From there, my step son started with DirecTV. We had suggested my son try it too. He wasn't happy about it, I don't recall why but it was around when my dad's health tanked. He ended up getting the job a few days before my dad passed. My son was with DTV about 8 years, he lost that job due to politics. He used to do diagnostic work, there was a new manager who saw his install numbers were low and canned him. I told my son to collect unemployment because he had been busting his butt all of those years. He eventually saw a position with Comcast open which doesn't happen much; he's been there about 5 years now.
You just never know where life will lead you, and as my son has found out, he didn't need college. His 2 roommates aren't making what they thought they would; they went for computer animation. His 3 quarters with housing cost about $20k back then, no kidding.
You should figure out what you're good at. Maybe you don't want college and want to do a trade like appliance repair?
I had a negative "mother" who that no matter what I did, beauty school, worked at our family business pumping gas, lightly working on cars, restoring a Mustang, working on my motorcycles. At one time I taught myself how to make cloth dolls. My best friend's very young daughter was having heart surgery, I did a satin heart on the doll, wrote her a letter that I closed inside the doll. They were featured in a doll magazine. My "mother" told me, "eh, the dolls are ok"...
My son and I moved out when he was 7, I stopped speaking to her for close to 10 years. We then spoke about 5 years when we stopped again after my dad passed. I'm much happier not having negativity in my life. You should consider the same at some point if need be. You can only do so much.
Right now, your life is what it is, especially with COVID. School and debt are not the answer for everyone
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle
You keep posting the same information in different threads.
You DO need to work. Why does your mom want you to go back to school? Is she paying for it? The census job is a good-paying job. Do that, and save up to move wherever you want to move so you can get that out of your system. Then you won't be able to blame location anymore.
The main problem with this post is your definition of failure. These days, "employed" is the new "promoted."
More therapy should be a priority for you.
I have not caught as many threads as you have but I agree.
No matter where he is or what he's doing, it's always negative. Agree that more therapy is probably a good thing
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