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Old 07-18-2020, 03:33 PM
 
2,255 posts, read 866,675 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Westside Mommy View Post
My DS is 8 and was loving the ballet class he started in September... before it was interrupted he became good friends with another boy who is quite popular at the dance class and I have become quite close with his mom too. One day, when no one else was around the dance studio she happened to blurt out that her son wears girls' underwear... he just finds the panties softer, more comfortable and perfect for when he does ballet.

I was surprised she would tell me this randomly and I just smiled. But when I got over my shock a little later, I realized that I want my son to be open-minded and open-hearted to classmates who are different. We will take a trip out to Brooklyn to visit them this week because we miss them...

I don't think it is a big deal if my son finds ballet more comfortable in panties like his friend. The boys are only 8. My DH, unfortunately, is concerned this is making him too feminine and because of some bullies in DS' class who have begun teasing him about being a boy dancer. How would you have reacted when the mom's friend told us what he wears?
Ballet is not a sport.

According to dancers most male ballet dancers are gay, the rest are bi or straight.

Being open-minded is hard but worth it, but he may not be as different from the friend as you think.

Your hubby is worrying about feminization needlessly, as by 8 years old, that train has left the station.

I would have been as surprised by the mother's 'reveal' as you were and likely would have followed up with a question or two... because I find gay males a puzzlement.
That's on me, not them, 'cause I'm gay too.
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Old 07-18-2020, 03:36 PM
 
6 posts, read 3,085 times
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Thank you so much for all the supportive comments and excellent advice… I tried talking to my sister about
all this and it was really awkward even though she means well, haha. She is the type who simply thinks all boys need to wear boxers just to fit in with their peers. Uh no, so much more complicated than that and you all seem very understanding…

I know I don’t HAVE to start dressing him in panties… but I love my friend’s relaxed attitude about what
her son wears to the dance studio and it’s great that she’s not obsessed about negative stereotypes about
boys who dance. I just meant if my DS tried the panties and found them perfect for ballet, it wouldn’t be
a big deal to me. Not like either boy is saying they want to be girls or wear dresses…

I think the mom opened up to me that day about her son wearing girls’ underwear because she finally trusted
me as a good friend and we both have to deal with some issues as moms of male dancers. Boys have to
wonder from a young age whether their love for ballet means that they’re gay or too girly. She knows my son
has been teased by some boys at his school about his love for ballet. Also, it’s possible she told me just
because when her son first came to the dance studio he was wearing boxers and those didn’t work for him at
all… so it could have just been some friendly advice about what my DS might find comfortable. Why not share
with another mom— when you look at it like that. And I’m sorry I had such a negative reaction at first…

Yes, I believe they will start dance belts at age 11. At age 8, boys wear white t-shirts and black shorts and those cute white ballet slippers, of course! Neither boy is looking forward to the inevitable white tights, to be honest. That won't be for a while and is embarrassing for many guys to be sure.

Anyway, my friend has an adorable, talented son who everyone seemed to like at the ballet class. And the
fact that this boy is willing to wear girls’ underwear shows he really has gotten the ballet bug. We
wouldn’t have him any other way, would we?
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Old 07-18-2020, 03:44 PM
 
2,714 posts, read 915,725 times
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I'm surprised no one here has recommended the movie "Billy Elliot". Great film, and right on target for the OP. The film was inspired by a true story, I believe.
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Old 07-18-2020, 03:49 PM
 
6 posts, read 3,085 times
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Mattie and PamelaIamela thanks for responding too! You seem very open-minded... yeah, it's too bad my DH worries needlessly about the feminization of our son, as you say. Our son is not going to be wearing panties with hearts on them and anyway if no one makes fun of his panties then it's not a problem....
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Old 07-18-2020, 03:51 PM
 
Location: N.Sierra Nevadas (California)
68,920 posts, read 5,439,540 times
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Maybe it was just a money saving tip.
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Old 07-18-2020, 04:06 PM
 
6 posts, read 3,085 times
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Sure, could be a money saving tip... good point. And those boy's dancing briefs may be overrated and not as soft or comfy as girls' bikini panties... and let's face it, some male dancers do have a feminine side and think it's a little bit fun to wear girls' underwear at age eight. It really would depend on the boy in the ballet class...

Thanks for bringing up Billy Elliot. I saw this as a play in London's West End at the famous Victoria Palace Theatre and it was amazing! The musical has a character Michael, Billy's best friend who is a cross-dresser but proud and feels good about himself. Awww, what a great message for kids... not that I think my friend's young son is a cross-dresser or even gay but he was happily wearing those bikini panties to every ballet class and
obviously feels very positive about himself. My DS is the one who is shy and needs more self-confidence but hopefully that will all come eventually.
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Old 07-18-2020, 04:12 PM
 
Location: planet earth
8,079 posts, read 3,491,206 times
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It's a little much to discuss intimate apparel of children with strangers - especially if the apparel COULD be a sexual fetish.

I would be very uncomfortable with this entire situation, but that's just me.
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Old 07-18-2020, 04:19 PM
 
2,255 posts, read 866,675 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Westside Mommy View Post
Mattie and PamelaIamela thanks for responding too! You seem very open-minded... yeah, it's too bad my DH worries needlessly about the feminization of our son, as you say. Our son is not going to be wearing panties with hearts on them and anyway if no one makes fun of his panties then it's not a problem....
If you are half the woman you sound like in this thread your son.. and your husband, are blessed .
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Old 07-18-2020, 04:32 PM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
7,934 posts, read 6,303,314 times
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I've never seen any guy under 16 wear boxers. They all wore guys' briefs. You know, "tighty whiteys". Boxers under dance tights would look ridiculous.

I wore a lot of boys' clothes when I was a girl...boys' shoes, boy's jeans, whatever. I'm a straight female. My sister wore some boys' clothes for years as an adult because she was small and not curvy, and sometimes a boys 12 or 14 fit her better than a woman's size 3 or 5. We didn't have size zeroes or twos in those days. There's a much bigger stigma to a boy wearing girls' clothes than the other way around, but honestly, it's not a big deal. It doesn't make him feminine or gay, and so what if he was?

Her are children's (note that it doesn't specify gender) dance briefs from Capezio for $11.

https://www.dancesupplies.com/Capezi...%20%7C%20Brand
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Old 07-18-2020, 04:33 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,990 posts, read 49,504,722 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Westside Mommy View Post
Mattie and PamelaIamela thanks for responding too! You seem very open-minded... yeah, it's too bad my DH worries needlessly about the feminization of our son, as you say. Our son is not going to be wearing panties with hearts on them and anyway if no one makes fun of his panties then it's not a problem....
I would not say the worry is needless, and it's not smart to dismiss your husband's concern like that.

Having concerns doesn't make someone close-minded. He probably doesn't want his son to be exposed to the inevitable negative reactions. He knows "how boys are" better than you do.
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