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Old 07-18-2020, 09:27 AM
 
6 posts, read 3,049 times
Reputation: 40

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My DS is 8 and was loving the ballet class he started in September... before it was interrupted he became good friends with another boy who is quite popular at the dance class and I have become quite close with his mom too. One day, when no one else was around the dance studio she happened to blurt out that her son wears girls' underwear... he just finds the panties softer, more comfortable and perfect for when he does ballet.

I was surprised she would tell me this randomly and I just smiled. But when I got over my shock a little later, I realized that I want my son to be open-minded and open-hearted to classmates who are different. We will take a trip out to Brooklyn to visit them this week because we miss them...

I don't think it is a big deal if my son finds ballet more comfortable in panties like his friend. The boys are only 8. My DH, unfortunately, is concerned this is making him too feminine and because of some bullies in DS' class who have begun teasing him about being a boy dancer. How would you have reacted when the mom's friend told us what he wears?
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Old 07-18-2020, 09:35 AM
 
Location: Watervliet, NY
5,174 posts, read 2,230,540 times
Reputation: 9628
Too feminine??? You ought to show your husband footage of professional male dancers and ask him to get up and perform those same movements with the same ease and lack of effort. They are better athletes than all the football, basketball and baseball players on the pro teams.
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Old 07-18-2020, 09:39 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,990 posts, read 49,418,300 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by Westside Mommy View Post
My DS is 8 and was loving the ballet class he started in September... before it was interrupted he became good friends with another boy who is quite popular at the dance class and I have become quite close with his mom too. One day, when no one else was around the dance studio she happened to blurt out that her son wears girls' underwear... he just finds the panties softer, more comfortable and perfect for when he does ballet.

I was surprised she would tell me this randomly and I just smiled. But when I got over my shock a little later, I realized that I want my son to be open-minded and open-hearted to classmates who are different. We will take a trip out to Brooklyn to visit them this week because we miss them...

I don't think it is a big deal if my son finds ballet more comfortable in panties like his friend. The boys are only 8. My DH, unfortunately, is concerned this is making him too feminine and because of some bullies in DS' class who have begun teasing him about being a boy dancer. How would you have reacted when the mom's friend told us what he wears?
I would have been quite suspicious, since it is a VERY personal thing to tell a stranger, to the point that this sounds like a fetish thread.
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Old 07-18-2020, 09:58 AM
 
6 posts, read 3,049 times
Reputation: 40
Thank you, ContraPagan... you are right ballet is a great sport for boys and no one will see what my son and his friend wear under their shorts... it's just the kind of thing that really bothers a Daddy, I guess!
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Old 07-18-2020, 11:16 AM
 
195 posts, read 186,653 times
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My response would have been along the lines of asking her what style of underwear did he find uncomfortable. It seems to me that plain girl's briefs in a non girly color could be a decent, comfortable hack for boy's dance briefs for an elementary school age boy. If I went that route, I'd call them "dance briefs" and if he really gets into ballet, he will need to get use to wearing the more restrictive dance briefs when he gets older.

My husband's experience with musical theater was always at the high school level, so he was really of the mindset that boys do voice solos and girls do dance solos, whereas I always wished more boys would sign up for dance. After my husband saw his first live production of a musical with professional dancers, he turned to me and said, "OK, if we have a son, he can learn to dance." He was really blown away by how athletic male dancers are and figured it might also help make interacting with girls less scary as a teen.
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Old 07-18-2020, 11:33 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
19,096 posts, read 20,278,923 times
Reputation: 48909
Quote:
Originally Posted by wildflower_FL View Post
My response would have been along the lines of asking her what style of underwear did he find uncomfortable. It seems to me that plain girl's briefs in a non girly color could be a decent, comfortable hack for boy's dance briefs for an elementary school age boy. If I went that route, I'd call them "dance briefs" and if he really gets into ballet, he will need to get use to wearing the more restrictive dance briefs when he gets older.
(snip).
I looked up "boys dance briefs" and at $35 each I bet that girls panties would be a much cheaper alternative until/unless he seriously gets into dancing. Some of the "dance briefs" are also uni-sex but I wonder if they would be as comfortable as ones designed specifically for boys.
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Old 07-18-2020, 01:13 PM
 
5,776 posts, read 5,038,024 times
Reputation: 17471
First of all, your son may be gay or straight, just as ANY boy may be gay or straight. You and your husband need to discuss this and both get on board with acceptance, way ahead of the time when your son may come to the realization that he's gay. You do this by setting an example of acceptance. Not only do you NEVER say anything derogatory about gay people's sexuality, you also seek out friendships with gay role models, so that your son will know that you would accept him if he were to tell you that he is gay. This is just about being a good parent, and a decent human being.

Now, about the girls' underwear thing.... You do NOT have to start dressing him in girls' underwear! Has HE complained about his clothing being uncomfortable for ballet? There are many styles of boys' underwear available, and certainly, boys do all sorts of athletics in them. Don't mention anything about his underwear unless he brings it up.
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Old 07-18-2020, 02:09 PM
 
3,576 posts, read 1,255,458 times
Reputation: 9225
Quote:
Originally Posted by ContraPagan View Post
Too feminine??? You ought to show your husband footage of professional male dancers and ask him to get up and perform those same movements with the same ease and lack of effort. They are better athletes than all the football, basketball and baseball players on the pro teams.
Plus usually completely ripped... no doubt more so than most of their denigrators. (There are definitely athletes, including football players, who take ballet classes and cite the benefits of same.)

And spend their time putting their hands on fit, scantily-clad women.

Not sure what's terrible about those things to most heterosexual men... perhaps it's just jealousy.


Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
I would have been quite suspicious, since it is a VERY personal thing to tell a stranger, to the point that this sounds like a fetish thread.
I might not think so. It's possible this other mother brought it up because it makes her, too, uncomfortable, and she was hoping OP would agree that it's okay or something.


Quote:
Originally Posted by parentologist View Post
First of all, your son may be gay or straight, just as ANY boy may be gay or straight. You and your husband need to discuss this and both get on board with acceptance, way ahead of the time when your son may come to the realization that he's gay. You do this by setting an example of acceptance. Not only do you NEVER say anything derogatory about gay people's sexuality, you also seek out friendships with gay role models, so that your son will know that you would accept him if he were to tell you that he is gay. This is just about being a good parent, and a decent human being.

Now, about the girls' underwear thing.... You do NOT have to start dressing him in girls' underwear! Has HE complained about his clothing being uncomfortable for ballet? There are many styles of boys' underwear available, and certainly, boys do all sorts of athletics in them. Don't mention anything about his underwear unless he brings it up.
And he may even be straight, but not closely fit all of the stereotypes of what boys and men should like or be. Just because an article of clothing a person finds most comfortable or convenient or in some other way suitable happens to be for the other gender, doesn't mean they want to wear that gender's clothing all of the time or are transgendered or homosexual. It may just be that that item of clothing, as made for/marketed to their gender, has limitations.
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Old 07-18-2020, 02:14 PM
 
195 posts, read 186,653 times
Reputation: 330
Some ballet studios start requesting or requiring boys to wear dance briefs or a dance belt sometime between the age of 8 and 11 and boys that age aren't real keen on that. I gather they are not real comfortable. I'd stick with the assumption of dance mom tip before drawing any conclusions about fetishes or sexual orientation.
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Old 07-18-2020, 03:32 PM
 
13,746 posts, read 22,603,775 times
Reputation: 38387
Quote:
Originally Posted by Westside Mommy View Post
My DS is 8 and was loving the ballet class he started in September... before it was interrupted he became good friends with another boy who is quite popular at the dance class and I have become quite close with his mom too. One day, when no one else was around the dance studio she happened to blurt out that her son wears girls' underwear... he just finds the panties softer, more comfortable and perfect for when he does ballet.

I was surprised she would tell me this randomly and I just smiled. But when I got over my shock a little later, I realized that I want my son to be open-minded and open-hearted to classmates who are different. We will take a trip out to Brooklyn to visit them this week because we miss them...

I don't think it is a big deal if my son finds ballet more comfortable in panties like his friend. The boys are only 8. My DH, unfortunately, is concerned this is making him too feminine and because of some bullies in DS' class who have begun teasing him about being a boy dancer. How would you have reacted when the mom's friend told us what he wears?
Much ado about nothing. Maybe the other mother was just passing along a tip that you may have found useful for your own child. The boys are dancers, not advocates for any lifestyle. Stop making it more than it is.
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