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People always say this, but it really isn't always the case.
Teens have hormones, sure, but they aren't ALL uncontrollable horndogs. Quite a few of them are actually conflicted when it comes down to having sex with their boyfriend/girlfriend.
IMHO, allowing sleepovers removes obstacles that exist for very good reason, and gives kids a green light when they often would be relieved to see a red light.
The assumption I'm making is that this couple is already in an open sexual committed relationship that the parents are fully aware of. I wouldn't condone it for a couple that just started dating or are sexually inexperienced. But if they've been together a year-plus and all parties know each other well? I don't get the hangup.
I don't think young couples of college age should have to to sneak around or be forced to sleep apart just because their parents are squicked out by it.
Both my girls assured me that THEY were too squicked out to have sex with their BFs when I was in the same house with them, so there were never any awkward moments when an overnight happened.
But when she was 16-18 and 20-24, her long term, out of town, BFs needed to sleep in the guest room.
I can understand 16, but I don't understand your reasoning for separating an adult couple at night while guests in your home. Not criticizing, just trying to understand the logic. Does it have something to do with an objection to premarital sex?
The assumption I'm making is that this couple is already in an open sexual committed relationship that the parents are fully aware of. I wouldn't condone it for a couple that just started dating or are sexually inexperienced. But if they've been together a year-plus and all parties know each other well? I don't get the hangup.
I don't think young couples of college age should have to to sneak around or be forced to sleep apart just because their parents are squicked out by it.
Both my girls assured me that THEY were too squicked out to have sex with their BFs when I was in the same house with them, so there were never any awkward moments when an overnight happened.
LOL. My sister would not have sex with her husband (even after 3 kids) in my parents house when they came to visit mom and dad.
I can understand 16, but I don't understand your reasoning for separating an adult couple at night while guests in your home. Not criticizing, just trying to understand the logic. Does it have something to do with an objection to premarital sex?
In our case, it was mostly because of my late husband's strong religious objections against premarital sex and also against abortion. Also, in the extended family there were several teenagers who got pregnant, dropped out of high school or college and ended up in disastrous marriages and severe financial difficulties. Once you have experienced a 15 year old male relative drop out of high school to marry his 16 year old GF (who also dropped out of high school) your perspective may change. The bride's mother and grandmother were both teenage mothers and just "assumed" that their daughter would also have sex and get pregnant very young. Mom allowed, even encouraged, "sleepovers" in her home.
Hubby and I were not stupid and knew that our children were sexually active but did not feel that we should encourage it. When our son lost his virginity at age 15 our daughter was only 11 years old and Hubby and I felt strongly that our daughter should not think that we condoned premarital sex. When our son was 18, and his college girl friend visited, she had to sleep in the guest room, in part because our daughter was only 14.
BTW, we did not separate adult couples only our children. In one case, we offered our friends (both in their late 20s, dating for a long time but unmarried) our guest room assuming that they were sexually active. We found out years later that they were NOT sexually active at that time and it was quite embarrassing for them (apparently the BF slept on the floor).
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626
In my house, you were not allowed to share a bedroom with a BF or GF until you are engaged or married.
However, now that our children are in their 30s, (and my extremely devote Catholic husband has passed away), that "rule" will be a lot more flexible (and will probably completely disappear).
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Last edited by germaine2626; 07-24-2020 at 01:26 PM..
Reason: added section in blue.
The assumption I'm making is that this couple is already in an open sexual committed relationship that the parents are fully aware of. I wouldn't condone it for a couple that just started dating or are sexually inexperienced. But if they've been together a year-plus and all parties know each other well? I don't get the hangup.
Location: East of Seattle since 1992, 615' Elevation, Zone 8b - originally from SF Bay Area
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I slept over at my girlfriend's house at age 19, she was 18. We both slept on the living room sofa bed, but her parents room was very close, and her father warned me that he had a shotgun. This was 1971. I behaved.
LOL. My sister would not have sex with her husband (even after 3 kids) in my parents house when they came to visit mom and dad.
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
Oh Lord, I never did either!
My late husband and I never had sex either in my parents home or his parents home when we visited (even after being married for decades and having two kids). I have mentioned this to female friends and this is not unusual.
In our case, it was mostly because of my late husband's strong religious objections against premarital sex and also against abortion. Also, in the extended family there were several teenagers who got pregnant, dropped out of high school or college and ended up in disastrous marriages and severe financial difficulties.
Hubby and I were not stupid and knew that our children were sexually active but did not feel that we should encourage it. When our son lost his virginity at age 15 our daughter was only 11 years old and Hubby and I felt strongly that our daughter should not think that we condoned premarital sex. When our son was 18, and his college girl friend visited, she had to sleep in the guest room, in part because our daughter was only 14.
BTW, we did not separate adult couples only our children. In one case, we offered our friends (both in their late 20s, dating for a long time but unmarried) our guest room assuming that they were sexually active. We found out years later that they were NOT sexually active at that time and it was quite embarrassing for them (apparently the BF slept on the floor).
Thanks for explaining, germaine. My children were not raised the same way. Not saying right or wrong, but premarital sex was never a prohibition in my home. Only dumb, immature decisions were.
I encouraged them to be open about when they were ready to have sex and with whom and I tried to guide them to make the right choices in a partner (and when I thought they were doing dumb things, they sure heard about it from me.)
I also bless the day they brought Nexplanon on the market!
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