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We don't have children. Nevertheless, we are very happy with our lives.
There is no issue whatsoever to have children too, but it is true that it's a constraint in life that has consequences, and maybe not everyone realizes it. It's when people do it "because everyone else does it" that problems arises.
In my opinion, as long as people understand that:
- Giving birth can be a painful process, there are some tragedies in maternity wards and people don't talk about it
- Raising children will require you to not enjoy life as much in order to support them, and center your life around them instead of you
- Financial independence is critical to even attempt to have a good life with kids, so that when you need it, you can hire people and facilities to help you be free from your children
It's all good. There are a lot of happy people with children, there's no doubt about it. However, there are also equally a lot of people who sometimes think of "throwing" the kids out of the balcony despite loving them because they're driving them crazy.
It depends on your outlook. We didn't have some great drive to have children, but we felt like our lives would be incomplete without the most quintessential of human experiences; having and raising children. Having children bequeaths emotions, experiences, thoughts, experiences (and probably some brain chemical re/imbalances) that have no equivalent to anything experienced when we were childless. You metamorphosis into a different creature once you are a parent. It's difficult, expensive, scary, and often gross, but also amazing. That said, it is perfectly fine to remain a caterpillar.
Or, considering what happens to our bodies and bank accounts, maybe becoming a parent is more like a butterfly metamorphosing into a caterpillar.
Still, we aren't some titans of industry or great scientific minds. Our works will disappear shortly after we do. The only part of us that will be the memories our children (and maybe grandchildren) will have of us.
As much effort and expense as children are, we find that they have been more than "worth it". Our relationship with them is something that could have no substitute, and we are lucky to know them, to get to be a part of their lives, and have them as a part of ours, until we die.
Overrated? More like over romanticized. It’s down and dirty, both the birthing and the raising.
To me, the hard years are the most precious. We fought through the hard times and came out with great memories, kids we are proud of, and grandchildren that were well raised, from our example.
Sure, anyone is free to be a conscientious objector, but I’m glad I soldiered through. Life would have been boring.
Lots of physical and emotional hard work.
Financially overwhelming at times.
Frustrating, and no appreciation.
Times when you want to run away.
Then there are moments when they hug you and say how much they love you and thank you.
And they are gone...to the life you raised them to be able to have.
Overrated? Depends on your ability to sacrifice without anything in return.
Overrated I dont think so. But you are basically sacrificing your life until they are 18.
Oh I so disagree with this. My life has been so rich with my children - getting to experience things through their eyes, sharing their enjoyment, feeling their disappointments. And every moment I spend away from them is even sweeter knowing that I have them to come back to and knowing how my life is shaping theirs.
I don't think it was rated high enough - I never imagined being a parent could be this amazing.
My kids are now 20, 18 and 13. All amazing kids - and all will do great things with their lives and I'll revel in their successes. I don't have any parents alive anymore so I hope I can live a long life and be a part of their lives as they fly the coop and have families of their own (if they chose that!)
Location: Stuck on the East Coast, hoping to head West
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No, I do not think having kids is underrated.
Yes, I do think you can be perfectly happy without them, because you'll never know what you missed out on.
A few years back, I read of a frontier woman living in the old West in the 1870s, who bore 15 children, 9 of whom survived to adulthood.
We today in our soft, air conditioned lives can scarcely imagine the fortitude, the grit that such people had, the pain they endured. To lose six children to sickness or accident, to work 18 hours a day for decades to grow food, defend against marauders, and raise a large family... the mind boggles.
I doubt I would have strength to do it. I can barely stand the dental hygienist prodding my gums with a pointy thing. Just imagine having no dental care at all; if a tooth got sore, you traditionally tied it to a door knob and slammed the door to take it out. You put up with the pain, maybe easing it a bit with a bottle of brandy.
Your children were your wealth and your retirement. They would take over the farm as you got too old and sick to work, and then they would keep you fed and comfortable until you passed into the next life.
Such people, were they to get a view of our modern day society, would be stunned. Singing all day about love and sex, turning women from ladies on pedestals into objectified sex toys, having sex with multiple people sometimes total strangers and yet never once have a child, or if you do get pregnant, it's an accident to be corrected by abortion. It's as though we have turned our civilization upside down.
In this very thread, people argue strenuously for childlessness as though it's a virtuous thing. Having children is burdensome, they argue. Expensive, painful, unpredictable.
But, at the end of their lives, who will be at their deathbeds? Who will remember them?
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