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Are you male? Do you have children? Do you stay home with them 24/7? Why should only moms stay home 24/7?
We had a nanny. The kids are grown and have kids of their own.
The "majority" of their lives was not spent with her. As they got older we did not need her. My father did provide transportation home from school until they could drive themselves. After school they were home only for a short time before DH or I got there.
I’ll answer your questions if you answer mine.... What made you think having kids without their Mom present was a good idea? Why did you get a nanny? Could it be because you weren’t there? Do you think this is healthy for babies in particular? Having a healthy break from the kids is one thing... working a 40 hour work week is a different thing. YOU CAN NOT HAVE IT ALL... biggest lie ever told to women.
So basically... why even have kids if your not going to parent? So you can, in your own words, “feel capable to do things like men and feel important” You’re admitting that you rather feel more important being a career women than actually doing the parenting so why even have kids? You can’t have both... just like the lie of women can have it all. I honestly believe if you can’t be a SAHM you shouldn’t be a parent, because what’s the point? Your outsourcing parenting. Sure you’re a Mom, but you didn’t raise your kids... somebody else did. Are your kids just an accessory you needed to check off your list? All I hear is me me me. The me me me people should not be having kids. Your kid is a human being that shouldn’t have to exist being parented by other people. Why is this such a hard concept to grasp? This is common sense.
Would you direct this same rant a working woman whose husband was a stay-at-home-dad to their children? Why or why not?
What about a parent who was working while the kids were in school?
I’ll answer your questions if you answer mine.... What made you think having kids without their Mom present was a good idea? Why did you get a nanny? Could it be because you weren’t there? Do you think this is healthy for babies in particular? Having a healthy break from the kids is one thing... working a 40 hour work week is a different thing. YOU CAN NOT HAVE IT ALL... biggest lie ever told to women.
The very idea of one or both parents not working outside the home is incredibly narrow in scope and fits a small segment of the population for a brief history in time. All creatures must work. The birds, the bees, all animals have to work. It's just the way of life. Sure, some people are privileged enough to not have to work and kudos to them. And others choose not to work and subsequently rely on their community when the crud hits the fan. That's their choice. Back in reality doing what must be done to raise a family often includes the very hard situation of working FT, raising children FT, and managing that marathon to the best of one's ability.
You do make a great argument for long term parental leave. I couldn't leave my babies in full time care either and I was fortunate enough to work for a Swiss company. Then my husband started working nights so we could tag team and avoid childcare outside a few hours a day for socialization. All parents should have these options.
IRT 2020, I fully understand why women end up having to primarily manage the home. In this pandemic I manage the kids' schooling (remote/homeschooling really), the school meetings, hybrid schedules, the required PPE, keeping the house in order, bills, budget, etc. All while having a career and contributing to my community. My husband isn't lazy, but he lacks the ability to prioritize and manage at this level. I'm not sure why that is. Maybe it's chemical.
I’ll answer your questions if you answer mine.... What made you think having kids without their Mom present was a good idea? Why did you get a nanny? Could it be because you weren’t there? Do you think this is healthy for babies in particular? Having a healthy break from the kids is one thing... working a 40 hour work week is a different thing. YOU CAN NOT HAVE IT ALL... biggest lie ever told to women.
However, men can have it all? What makes you think having kids without their Dad present is a good idea? DH and I both worked and we both had careers that were fulfilling. Why should only he have that opportunity?
We hired the nanny because we could afford to do it and we preferred it to day care.
I’ll answer your questions if you answer mine.... What made you think having kids without their Mom present was a good idea? Why did you get a nanny? Could it be because you weren’t there? Do you think this is healthy for babies in particular? Having a healthy break from the kids is one thing... working a 40 hour work week is a different thing. YOU CAN NOT HAVE IT ALL... biggest lie ever told to women.
For a lot of women, it has nothing to do “having it all”; that was a 20th century trope that bears very little relevance to today. Now, we have a completely different economic reality as well as a generation of adults who grew up with mothers who worked outside of the home and don’t view it as some sort of tragedy.
For myself, my parents died when I was a child, which shapes my perspective: if I can survive having no mother at all, my kids can survive a few hours in the afternoon without me.
However, men can have it all? What makes you think having kids without their Dad present is a good idea? DH and I both worked and we both had careers that were fulfilling. Why should only he have that opportunity?
We hired the nanny because we could afford to do it and we preferred it to day care.
The kids turned out fine.
I think it’s really weird that your brain goes directly to thinking that I’m a man. I’m a women. I see having children as not just something that you do. I see having children as a major life decision where both parents should sit down and go ok who is going to be the one that is with them during the day while the other partner goes to work to bring home the money.
Whether that’s the women or the man doesn’t really matter. The point is having children is your responsibility as a couple...not daycare. Yes a nanny is 100% better than daycare, but I still don’t understand what the point of having kids is if you are putting the big bulk of the responsibilities onto someone else.
You said both of you had careers that were fulfilling....again why have kids if actually parenting full time is not fulfilling?
And this whole argument of nowadays being too expensive to live on one income...yes thats totally true, but guess what ...there’s tons of couples that sat down with a plan and said our lives are not going to be glamorous with the super nice house and the new cars and keeping up with the Jones’s, but we are going to make sacrifices to take on the responsibility to raise our child 100%. If that isn’t fulfilling and doesn’t sound fun I truly believe people shouldn’t have kids because they will always remember that Mommy had to be fulfilled by her career and not me.
This isn’t rocket science people. Do I have children? Not yet, because I’ve worked hard at setting a plan and making sacrifices to be able to be a stay at home if we have kids. And guess what...if I decided that being a parent will not be fulfilling as my career then I’m not going to have kids because that’s not fair to the kids. Not only that...having kids is not just something you do. I believe everyone thinks that though and thats not right.
Having a child is a luxury. If you cant afford to raise them YOURSELF you shouldn’t have them. Especially if you believe that you wont be a good parent because its not fulfilling. So when I say women can not have it all...that applies to anyone that decides they want children. If this was taught in school more people would think twice about whether or not they want or should have kids.
And to the person who said that we all need to work...what do you think a stay at home mom is doing? I babysat my nieces everyday for three weeks while the parents went to work and it was in that moment that I said stay at home Moms work more than the moms that go to their jobs. I even laughed and said that the parents were going on vacation than what I had to deal with with those kids all day. I wish parents would admit that parenting is hard and that by getting a nanny to go to work is a way to stay sane and get away from parenting. Then I would respect it a lot more, but I also think Hello! This is your responsibility...no one forced you to have a kid.
Would you direct this same rant a working woman whose husband was a stay-at-home-dad to their children? Why or why not?
What about a parent who was working while the kids were in school?
*more crickets*
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