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I’m at a loss. My daughter was dating an older boy, and when I found out he was 18 I made them break up. Not only for her protection, but his. I believe he is genuinely a good kid but not appropriate. I hate that she is hurting, and the sounds of her songs break my heart. I’d love any helpful tips or advice to help her through this.
I’m at a loss. My daughter was dating an older boy, and when I found out he was 18 I made them break up. Not only for her protection, but his. I believe he is genuinely a good kid but not appropriate. I hate that she is hurting, and the sounds of her songs break my heart. I’d love any helpful tips or advice to help her through this.
I am sure he is a nice boy, but what interest can an 18yr old have on a 13yr baby?! I dont care how mature she is, that's a big gap so early on.
I remember being that age and having an older "boyfriend" and looking back it creeps me out because 18yr old boys are thinking about one thing only....
I am sure he is a nice boy, but what interest can an 18yr old have on a 13yr baby?! I dont care how mature she is, that's a big gap so early on.
I remember being that age and having an older "boyfriend" and looking back it creeps me out because 18yr old boys are thinking about one thing only....
I agree. I once went on a "double date" with a friend/acquaintance of mine and her older boyfriend and his friend. I must have been about 14 and I believe that he was 18 or 19. I was really "in over my head" when it turned out that the "date" was being held in their apartment (instead of going to a movie like they said). I remember him unbuttoning my blouse and me trying to rebutton my blouse at the same time. I remember thinking "He is much, much bigger and stronger than me what could I possibly do if he forces me to go farther". Luckily, he stopped.
Now a year or so later my friend/acquaintance decided to "visit her aunt in another city" for more than a semester. In the 1960s that meant that a teenager went to a home for unwed mothers, or perhaps the home of a relative, and had a baby that they gave up for adoption.
Also, look up the laws in your state regarding an adult having sex with a young teen. Even if it is consensual it still could land him in prison for a long, long time.
Thanks everyone, I agree which is why I told her she isn’t allowed to see him. I’m currently unemployed so that will help me to ensure she isn’t going somewhere with him while I’m gone. But I would really like some ideas to help her move in. She cried all night long and that breaks my heart. She knows and understands why she can’t see him but I don’t know how to help her past it.
I don't know how comfortable you are talking about sex with her. If I were in your situation, I would discuss age of consent and explain that when a couple is dating, it's very common for it to progress to a physical relationship, but in the state you live in, the age of consent is 17 (or whatever it is), which means if she has sex with a man before she's that age, she legally cannot consent. That would make any physical relationship they had statutory rape, and her boyfriend could end up having to register as a sex offender. That would ruin his life. Not all 18 year old men (I would keep referring to him as a man to emphasize the age difference) have the wisdom to stay out of relationships with younger girls, so you're trying to prevent anything that could damage his future. Then tell her you think he's a nice man and you'll have no problem with him dating her when she's legally old enough. (Hopefully by then one or both of them will have moved on)
Hopefully someone is also talking about this with the BF. She's not the only one needing a reality check! If they are both aware and on the same page it might help her move on.
Did you explain to her that that's legally defined as statutory rape? And that an 18 yr old knows better than engage in what society views as predatory behavior? I've seen too many girls get into this type of trouble in middle school, and guess what? It more often than not ended horribly bc the guy did what was expected, which was coerce her into doing things she didn't want to, or got what he wanted just to break up with her, or left her after getting her pregnant.
Trust, nothing good comes out of these types of relationships.
Oh boy. If it's not with him, it will be with someone else. Put the girl on Depo (so that she cannot get pregnant) AND a very short leash. And tell him, point blank, that you will have him prosecuted for statutory rape if he comes anywhere near her before she is of legal age. And, if I were you, I'd call the non-emergency number for his local police department, explain the situation to them, and ask them to go by and explain the law to him, so that he'll understand that you mean it.
Then, watch her like a hawk, including watching what she does on her phone and computer, and try to keep her busy with age-appropriate activities, however difficult during the pandemic. Come to think of it, how was he getting to see her at all, what with the pandemic?
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