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Old 08-27-2020, 09:00 PM
 
Location: North Dakota
10,291 posts, read 13,808,863 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Skeffington View Post
DH and I were definitely more laid back in raising our kids than the way oldest DD is with her own. She's fanatical about no junk food, processed food, candy, cookies, etc. Our two grandsons (6 and almost 4) have never been to McDonalds and have never tasted a chicken nugget. She monitors their diet carefully and only gives them healthy organic foods, painstakingly cooked from scratch, which is a good thing. They aren't allowed to watch "crap" TV either...unless it's a parent approved movie during a "family time" evening. They are only allowed to watch educational programs (and limited time to no more than an hour or so a day on that). If I want to take oldest grandson to a movie, DD thoroughly researches it first, to make sure there is no "stupid violence" in it. They do encourage reading of almost anything grandsons want...(Goosebumps, Harry Potter, Minecraft books for the oldest, Thomas for the youngest). In that respect, it's how our own kids were raised, to be readers.

They also really push the academics, hard. Education is very important to them. It was to us as well, but we didn't put as much pressure on our own kids as do DD and son in law do with our grandsons. They enrolled oldest grandson in a private school for gifted students and he's doing accelerated third grade work at age six (his school encourages working at their own pace and even grade skipping). They are looking at early enrollment as well for the younger brother, who is already reading and doing simple arithmetic. DH and I encouraged learning and good grades, but we didn't push this hard.

On the other hand, my kids were allowed to eat junk (within reason). Halloween and Easter were a free for all with the candy. The rule was don't get sick and brush your teeth really well afterward. They were allowed McDonalds, Klondike Bars, Oreos, Tastykakes, etc. But I need to emphasize, as a TREAT. And they were allowed to watch cartoons, the Three Stooges, Beavis and Butthead, The Rugrats, Spongebob, and Ren and Stimpy. I watched along with them, I enjoyed them too!
This sounds like my cousin. Methinks at least one of them will rebel someday and give her a run for her money.
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Old 08-31-2020, 01:59 PM
 
4,974 posts, read 5,238,098 times
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I do. My parents cared and tried to give us better than they had. I follow that example. Times are different and my husband and I don't live in the same type of way that our parents did so my kids are having different experiences.
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Old 09-01-2020, 02:10 PM
 
5,989 posts, read 6,739,750 times
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The households that boomers grew up in were not child-focused. Fathers worked, and if they could afford it, did what they wanted to on the weekends. Mothers were housewives trying to keep beautiful homes, more than they were 'stay-at-home' mothers, unless of course they were just struggling to put food on the table.

We've put much more energy into child-rearing than our parents did. Much more family time, much more thought and planning into what was best for the kids, more of trying to give them opportunities for independence and development.

When you ask someone what they want for their children, what you will hear from them is what they lacked in their childhood. Children who grew up very poor swear that their own children will never go without. Children that grew up with strict, harsh parents say they want to raise their kids in a warm, loving home. Children who weren't pushed towards achievement say that they want to "support" their children in getting the best education possible. But there is always SOMETHING that they didn't have, that they want to give their kids.
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Old 09-01-2020, 06:21 PM
 
2,674 posts, read 1,535,381 times
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Is it a good thing though that parents today usually both work and are expected to be the more involved parent that their own parents weren’t? It also doesn’t seem like kids are better off now than the boomer generation does it? There’s more drug use today, more suicides, more pressure in general.

The 60s and 70s were different, kids were outside more. Kids would go out and be out all day. I grew up in the 80s/90s and even I spent a lot of time outside or with the neighborhood kids and my cousin with my parents at times. There seems to be less of that these day’s. My kids also have fewer cousins that I did. People are having less kids these days so that leads to less cousins and siblings to play with. Overall with kids being in the house more than outside parents have less of a break.

I’m not saying I don’t want to be an involved parent, I do my best and will continue to do so. It’s been impossible for me not to be involved the past 6 months as I basically see my kids 24/7 but maybe being an overly involved parent isn’t the best thing either.
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Old 09-02-2020, 02:42 AM
 
7,971 posts, read 7,320,514 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bridge781 View Post
For the parents who severely limit sugar and junk food in their kids, what is the desired outcome? Do you think they’ll grow up to be better people? Eventually they will find their way to the foods they want to eat. I certainly believe in a healthy diet and everything in moderation but the 0 sugar/junk food thing doesn’t seem all that healthy either. I recall my aunt doing this to her kids and they just overindulged whenever they went to someone else’s house or a party. They went on to be heavy teenagers then became obsessed with working out in their 20s to the point where one had an eating disorder.
Oldest DD (who feeds her children a vegetarian organic sugar-free diet), believes the chemicals in processed foods are passed down through the DNA to subsequent generations. Believe me, she's researched it (and blames me somewhat for allowing her to eat junk as a kid). She also thinks omission of sugar and processed food chemicals helps children to stay focused in school and improves their concentration and immunity. She owns an organic whole foods/supplement business and has studied nutrition extensively.

I lobbied (successfully) to allow oldest grandson, when he turned 5, to be allowed some of the REAL (aka unhealthy) homemade birthday cake I baked and decorated for his party ...instead of just the "health" cake DD always makes. He had a piece of both. DD's healthy banana cakes topped with fruit sweetened cream cheese ARE delicious, but he was becoming really aware that the guests, his cousins, and little friends were able to eat something he wasn't and it became an issue. The following Thanksgiving and Christmas, he joined the rest of us in a piece of pumpkin pie. Still, the only desserts he seems to like are birthday cake and pumpkin pie...he doesn't care for candy or cookies, and won't eat them when offered at school or parties. Not really an issue anymore, since due to the Covid, he hasn't been to any birthday parties or classroom school since last March.

At his sixth birthday party last fall, he did have TWO pieces of my homemade chocolate birthday cake...and got the diarrhea that night. His seventh birthday is coming up soon, we'll see if he does THAT again.

Youngest grandson has never tasted any, but will probably (I'll make sure of it) have the rules relaxed for him the same, when he's a bit older.

Last edited by Mrs. Skeffington; 09-02-2020 at 03:35 AM..
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Old 09-02-2020, 06:34 AM
 
2,674 posts, read 1,535,381 times
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Wow that is hardcore ^^

It’s one thing to eat that way yourself but just seems like it would be so difficult to control a child’s diet when they become aware of the more normalized food out there.
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Old 09-02-2020, 08:50 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,096 posts, read 107,233,376 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bridge781 View Post
For the parents who severely limit sugar and junk food in their kids, what is the desired outcome? Do you think they’ll grow up to be better people? Eventually they will find their way to the foods they want to eat. I certainly believe in a healthy diet and everything in moderation but the 0 sugar/junk food thing doesn’t seem all that healthy either. I recall my aunt doing this to her kids and they just overindulged whenever they went to someone else’s house or a party. They went on to be heavy teenagers then became obsessed with working out in their 20s to the point where one had an eating disorder.
I have a friend who raised her kids that way. The oldest two internalized the concept that sugar intake isn't healthful. The youngest, who was 9 when I last visited, was getting her sugar fix from juice, which her mom allowed, and had in the fridge. That doesn't seem like a bad compromise.
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Old 09-02-2020, 10:18 AM
 
3,287 posts, read 2,005,034 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kitty61 View Post
When adult children are raising a family in a complete 180 from what their parents did is not entirely a good thing. If you look at it, it is using a dysfunctional parenting style as a point of reference for planning your own parenting style. What is bound to occur is young parents can unknowingly overcompensate in an effort to mitigate and give their children less of what they got from their own parents. You could take the good bits from your own parents and built on that all the while recognizing structure is what a child needs. School is part of that but letting them do pretty much whatever they want to is not. You could actually be damaging your kids being be poorly prepared to work and thrive on their own.


I have an example of my sister and her children.Her and I and our other sisters did not have hugs or praise when we were raised. We were put down. My sister has overcompensated with her own children and overprotected, fawned over them, and coddled them so much they do not know how to self-soothe, stand up for themselves, or leave home even now when they are in their late 20s.
This is extremely wise and worth reading more than once.

I've always said "the 180 degree opposite of dysfunction is dysfunction," which I truly believe.

We subscribe to the "salad bar" approach where we're free to pick and choose what we feel works best, hopefully unfettered by our (mine and my wife's) sordid childhood histories...but not automatically ruling out something our parents may have done "just because they did it."
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Old 09-05-2020, 10:34 PM
 
Location: North Dakota
10,291 posts, read 13,808,863 times
Reputation: 18140
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Skeffington View Post
Oldest DD (who feeds her children a vegetarian organic sugar-free diet), believes the chemicals in processed foods are passed down through the DNA to subsequent generations. Believe me, she's researched it (and blames me somewhat for allowing her to eat junk as a kid). She also thinks omission of sugar and processed food chemicals helps children to stay focused in school and improves their concentration and immunity. She owns an organic whole foods/supplement business and has studied nutrition extensively.

I lobbied (successfully) to allow oldest grandson, when he turned 5, to be allowed some of the REAL (aka unhealthy) homemade birthday cake I baked and decorated for his party ...instead of just the "health" cake DD always makes. He had a piece of both. DD's healthy banana cakes topped with fruit sweetened cream cheese ARE delicious, but he was becoming really aware that the guests, his cousins, and little friends were able to eat something he wasn't and it became an issue. The following Thanksgiving and Christmas, he joined the rest of us in a piece of pumpkin pie. Still, the only desserts he seems to like are birthday cake and pumpkin pie...he doesn't care for candy or cookies, and won't eat them when offered at school or parties. Not really an issue anymore, since due to the Covid, he hasn't been to any birthday parties or classroom school since last March.

At his sixth birthday party last fall, he did have TWO pieces of my homemade chocolate birthday cake...and got the diarrhea that night. His seventh birthday is coming up soon, we'll see if he does THAT again.

Youngest grandson has never tasted any, but will probably (I'll make sure of it) have the rules relaxed for him the same, when he's a bit older.
So extreme.

Quote:
Originally Posted by City Guy997S View Post
ABSOLUTELY DIFFERENT!

Growing up, my parents were conservative, church was a big part of family life. Solid blue collar/middle class. When it was your birthday you could go out with mom and dad to a restaurant but the other kids stayed home. Both my parents were miserable people, you were expected to do good in school but college was at your own expense. My dad had one crazy plan, he would pay for my college education but upon graduation then I would pay for the next sibling's college. Even as an 18 yr old kid, I laughed at him and passed on that offer. Cars were beaters that you could pay for with your own money.

My kids? I'm covering the first 4 years of university. Each kid got a brand new car, they fuel/maintain it and I've explained that I hope they get 10 years out of it.......the only "catch" you must have straight A's to get your license/car. If you don't get straight A's then you need a library card not a car!

Church..........hit your sacraments and good luck to you. I am not a church fan.

Birthdays- one kid turned 18, so we went skydiving on their birthday. Another kid had a surprise party trip, first class airline tickets to a place we had never been then 22 family members showed up at a theme park in matching shirts to celebrate her birthday. Needless to say she was completely shocked to see everyone there!

My kids have traveled extensively, literally have tried every restaurant in town. Growing up when I was a kid "IF" we went out to dinner it was a chain BBQ place on Sunday after church maybe once a month.

2 of my parents kids were extremely successful, other 2 have become "complete leach losers" still borrowing money from my mom in their 40's. Divorces, foreclosures, failed businesses, illegitimate kids and literally broke every month. The gap from successful to unsuccessful is growing by the day. I wish my dad was still around to see these two dead beat kids of his.
So do you realize that maybe your parents had less money that you? I'll agree the college plan was ludicrous but it sounds to me like your parents did what they could and you are ungrateful and are now spoiling your kids. Also, expecting straight A's? That's pretty extreme don't you think?
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Old 09-10-2020, 03:00 AM
 
7,971 posts, read 7,320,514 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bridge781 View Post
Wow that is hardcore ^^

It’s one thing to eat that way yourself but just seems like it would be so difficult to control a child’s diet when they become aware of the more normalized food out there.
Oldest grandson is at the point where he scolds ME on my dietary habits. When I babysit for a weekend, I'll bring some of my own food to their house (the food DD buys and cooks for the kids is organic and costly, so I try not to eat too much of it). I'll be eating a bowl of Beefaroni or chicken noodle soup, or a sub with cold cuts in it, and he'll say, "Nanny, that's not healthy!" or "Nanny, that has MEAT in it! Meat used to be an ANIMAL!"

I do cook "normalized" food for them when babysitting...using only the "approved" organic ingredients. Pancakes with organic butter and maple syrup are a favorite (oldest eats a "tall stack" of 5 or 6), and this past weekend, I made homemade pizza for them two days in a row (using organic whole wheat pastry flour, organic tomato paste, and organic cheese). His favorite sandwich is spinach, hummus, and cheese. How many 6-year-old actually ASK for that?

I'll say, "Let's watch some cartoons!" and he'll say, "Cartoons are inappropriate!" I'll say, "Well, I want to watch TV, and I want Scooby Doo!" And they'll watch. They really do love Scooby Doo. I have the first two seasons on DVD's. Classic stuff! For Christmas last year (from my brothers, their great-uncles), they got the complete collector set of Scooby Doo action figures (including villains) and the Mystery Machine. We then play with them and act out the plots we'd watched. I'm such a bad influence!

Last edited by Mrs. Skeffington; 09-10-2020 at 03:10 AM..
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