Thoughts on younger teens and sex/dating (child support, BF, babysitters)
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Aside from the whole issue of sexual activity, it seems to me that you have been WAY too restrictive in your parenting. It's not about preventing them from having the chance to make a wrong choice. It's about teaching and guiding them, and then giving them little opportunities to make age-appropriate choices for themselves, as they grow, so that when they are young adults, they have acquired good judgement.
You have a 15 year old son, and a 13 year old daughter, and they have NEVER been allowed to leave the house on their own? They've NEVER had a moment to themselves, unsupervised, unaccompanied? They've never just gotten on their bikes and ridden off around the neighborhood, just on their own? They've never walked to the candy store with friends, or gone to the mall with a friend, without adult supervision?
My kids were given cell phones when they were about 8 yrs old. They were told, "This is not a toy. It's not your phone. It's MY phone, and it is YOUR leash. When I call, you answer. You can have this electronic leash, and have the run of the neighborhood, or you can be on a physical leash (grounded). You get to choose which one you want. You don't answer when I call? You're grounded."
My kids are confident solo travelers (fly even internationally alone in their mid teens - the youngest flew alone at age 12). They make choices for themselves, and they're mostly good ones. They are independent in their behavior. That's the goal - to raise independent adults who make good choices for themselves.
I'm afraid that your excessive supervision of your children gives them no opportunity for development. And you know what? They don't start drinking or drugging on their own. They start with friends, no matter how well you know the families. As for sex, guess what? It happens, no matter how hard you try to make sure they never could. Sometimes it happens at the hands of a trusted older adult, too, from that family you know so very well, especially for vulnerable sheltered kids who are never allowed to develop the ability to think and choose for themselves.
My children are all in their 30's, and all of them reported things to me that shocked me, and all reported that I was much stricter than other parents. None of them were sexually active as teenagers. I think that they grew up without many problems that sexual activity would have brought into their lives. They are all in committed relationships as adults and never did "play the field"--they are very monogamous and loyal spouses. I'm not sure why that is, but it certainly makes their lives easier.
Sexual activity at the ages you are describing in the original post strikes me as illegal--parents are condoning statutory rape, which is not a good thing at all. So I am not sure why they are allowing this to happen--these kids are underage and thus cannot give consent to sexual activity.
The fundamental purpose of sex is procreation. Through technology, we have defied nature and separated sex from its natural end.
Humans should not engage in sexual activity unless they have cemented a lifelong commitment to each other for the purpose of raising children together. To do so defies nature and reason.
Young teenagers having sex with their parents' knowledge and consent just contributes to the further devolution and destruction of society.
It's no wonder pedophilia is now being normalized. These twisted and miserable failures of parents are complicit.
The fundamental purpose of sex is procreation. Through technology, we have defied nature and separated sex from its natural end.
Humans should not engage in sexual activity unless they have cemented a lifelong commitment to each other for the purpose of raising children together. To do so defies nature and reason.
Young teenagers having sex with their parents' knowledge and consent just contributes to the further devolution and destruction of society.
It's no wonder pedophilia is now being normalized. These twisted and miserable failures of parents are complicit.
This is a very provocative statement. How is pedophilia being normalized?
It has been normalized in music, specifically, for decades (guys lusting after "little girls," etc.)
My husband has worked in a healthcare related field for quite a while now and has had projects involving treatments and preventatives for sexually active teens. The research is shocking -- how young the average age of first sex is, and how many teens have sex. It is WAY more than you think.
I have a 16 year old, and he has not had a girlfriend and I truly believe he has not had sex. I don't think most of his friends have, either. OP, if I were in your situation, I probably would, in some sense, be as shocked as you are to actually realize that some of these children who I have known and are in my kid's social group are sexually active. But taking a step further back, I would realize that I shouldn't really be shocked. I feel like it's one of those things that you hear about a lot and intellectually understand it, but to actually encounter it and truly realize it is reality can be jarring.
If I did find out my son has had sex, I would be shocked, mostly because I'd be shocked he had the opportunity and followed through despite knowing some of the potential problems. But I wouldn't think he was somehow immoral or that I had failed as a parent. If kids decide to do these things, they are going to do them.
according to kinsey institute its 16 for boys and 17 for girls.
This is a very provocative statement. How is pedophilia being normalized?
It has been normalized in music, specifically, for decades (guys lusting after "little girls," etc.)
I guess you missed the "Cuties" controversy. It's a pedophilic film that is/was available on Netflix. Look at the elite class - Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell - what's fashionable amongst the elites trickles down.
Yes it has been in popular music for longer than in popular film.
So my question to you parents here, am I correct in my shock of this situation or am I a bit old fashion? Is this the new 'norm'? For those of you with kids in this age range say 14-15 would you actually allow them to sleep in the bedroom together at that age in your home? Would you be ok with it? Or if you found out your 14 year old was sleeping with a 16 year old would you freak out?
Wake up, parent. Your kids will have sex no matter what you do to try to prevent it.
Having been the parent of teenagers the best advice I can give you is have realistic conversations about sex with them and teach them about how to avoid pregnancy and STDs.
Buy condoms for your son. Put your daughter on the Pill when the time is right. Buy her a supply of condoms too and make sure she knows how to use them (banana demonstration).
You're not encouraging sex. Sex is a given. You're encouraging safety. Accepting reality is better than dealing with an unwanted teenage pregnancy.
The fundamental purpose of sex is procreation. Through technology, we have defied nature and separated sex from its natural end.
Humans should not engage in sexual activity unless they have cemented a lifelong commitment to each other for the purpose of raising children together. To do so defies nature and reason.
Young teenagers having sex with their parents' knowledge and consent just contributes to the further devolution and destruction of society.
It's no wonder pedophilia is now being normalized. These twisted and miserable failures of parents are complicit.
This is completely and totally dysfunctional nonsense.
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