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I hate to say this but if you dont do something drastic you will be back on here in a year telling us that a. your daughter is in a cemetary or b. behind bars because he convinced her to do something illegal . I know where im coming from my folks tried to get her (my sister ) to leave this bf that killed her and tried to kill me . I will keep you in my prayers . I pray to God she does not end up in either of these sittuations . You have to get her into counseling or something .
Hi Everyone!!! Thank you for your ongoing suggestions, they gave me a lot to think about. Great news, he’s gone. He showed how rotten he was to her by sending a picture of him with another girl on Thanksgiving. He even reminded her of how she lost her grandparents and friends recently-which he knows was devastating, absolutely traumatic for her. Everything she trusted him with he used to hurt her. That was finally enough for her.
She can’t believe what a gross disgusting person he is. Of course she’s grieving, it was the first boy she opened up to. But her friends and I are making sure she realizes this is not about her. And he’s blocked from everything.
I’ve restricted her phone but more importantly I’m giving her space and she’s in counseling. We’ve become very close, she’s trusting me more than she ever has. I want her to feel safe to tell me anything knowing I won’t judge or be angry. It’s the only way, I believe, that I can really help her and show her that I love her.
Of course I’m not letting my guard down; I know she’s not completely out of the woods if somehow he gets in touch with her. I hope he stays away but I have a feeling he won’t, just to be able to hurt her. I’m staying vigilant...I’m so incredibly thankful to have her back ❤️
Thank God!!!! Hopefully counseling will help her to recognize the sick pattern, and resist it next time. So glad she still has some friends to support her through this. Praise her, compliment her, tell her how beautiful, smart, accomplished she is, what a bright future she has. Help her to focus on career aspirations and college plans. Get her working on those things that lead her to a better future.
Thanks for the quick responses and I should have put this on parenting...I’m new here...but I want to answer your questions.
1-He was breaking up with my D via text (3rd time in a week) and she was trying to convince him not to.
A little background-they met in December and apparently he was head over heels for her but to her he was just another boy, so she continued to talk and hang out with her friends and other boys. He overwhelmed her with texts and such so she “broke up” with him on Valentine’s Day. She never saw it as an exclusive thing because one, he never said anything about being exclusive and she didn’t see it as serious.
Fast forward a few months and now she is starting to really like him. Things get more exclusive but he says he’s not going to “ask her out” until he gets a car-that could be a year from now. During their discussions he starts asking specifically about the past and she tells him how she wasn’t ready for a serious relationship...and that she was still “dating” other boys but not seriously. Since then he got all her Social Media passwords, made her account for where she is 24/7 and talks down to her as well as guilt tripping her on how she ruined him-that he gave her his heart but she destroyed it and now this is what he’s become. So she feels guilty, more and more and he goes through the cycle of being nice and then out of the blue says he can’t get it out of his mind and just tortures her. Even though they weren’t officially exclusive.
Now, he’s been doing that for about 3 months and going back to the phone call, he was berating her in the worst way. Then he says he’ll get her an Uber so they can talk about it. She asked me and I said absolutely not. She decided not to go but told me she wanted to go inpatient because she’d been Seriously depressed for a while. He told her a few days ago he was drinking and so sorry... he got in a fight with his mom and she called the police...then he was taken to a hospital-he told my daughter she was lucky he didn’t go through with “it”.
2-No father consistently in her life since she was 2. He’s a narcissist.
3-My kids and I have been in therapy for the past 5 years. Abandonment issues are obvious and they run deep.
She’s so smart and beautiful it just pains me to no end that this happened to her. I tried so hard over the years to minimize the fallout but it still hurt both my kids deeply.
#2 says it all. Her boyfriend is a classic Narcissist. This is the start of Narcissistic abuse! Since dad was a Narcissist, she is young and can't recognize the behaviour, so she runs after it. I have a NParent and I didn't realize my patterns until last year, at the age of 30.
Thank you for your input, you are so right! It’s so important to keep ourselves aware of toxic behaviors. And it took me a while as well. Hope you’re enjoying life with healthy relationships!
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