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I admit that I was a super picky eater at the OP’s child’s age, but my mom’s cooking was pretty awful. No seasoning, all the meats were dry and overdone, etc. When my dad cooked, it was actually much better, but he did not have time to do so most of the time.
I actually like a wide variety of foods now, but it’s more about the preparation. I still don’t care much for potatoes in most preparations. Ultimately, I survived without being malnourished. My mom never forced us to eat anything.
My mom was a horrible cook, too. The only things she made that I could "tolerate" were two casseroles, frozen pot pies (no cooking involved), sandwiches (ditto), pancakes and eggs, and holiday meals -- and my school lunches consisted of a peanut butter sandwich and either a banana or carrot sticks. I hated peanut butter sandwiches and -- I am now ashamed to say -- threw them out. We also would (rarely) have pizza, which I liked. (In my mother's defense, we were borderline poor, so my parents did not have a very large food budget -- and this was in the 60's when most people were too proud to accept any kind of "welfare".)
I solved the problem by using my allowance (earned, not given, for doing chores) and then babysitting money to buy school lunches, and I would "gorge" whenever my mom made something I did like. (If she didn't make something I liked, I would skip dinner, which my parents allowed me to do.) I didn't starve, but I was very slim until I was 16 and got a part-time job at a Mom and Pop sub shop, where they also served pizza, fried chicken and fried shrimp -- and one of the perks was that employees could eat as much as they liked during their shifts. Unfortunately, that meant that for the first time in my life, I had to diet!
Last edited by katharsis; 11-17-2020 at 12:53 PM..
Stop using punishments and rewards for food! That was your first mistake. Teaching healthy eat does not involved punishment and bribery.
Look everyone isn't going to like all foods. Many people do not like vegetables. I have EVER eaten cooked vegetables except potatoes and I'm in my 40's. I'm still alive and healthy. I do eat a ton of raw vegetables. I eat salads almost daily. I don't eat fruit either. I have tried over a dozen fruits in the last year and couldn't eat any of them. between the taste, sweetness, and textures, I couldn't do it. I have a big issue with food textures. Many people are like this.
My parents didn't fight me on this. Why? There's no point! If a person doesn't like a food, they're not going to eat it. Forcing them to is not going to make them want to eat it. No one has died from not eating broccoli.
That doesn't work. My son was a behavioral problem at that age. Grounding and lack of privileges didn't work. When there was nothing left he was still a behavioral problem and ran off when he was 15.
Yup. Back in my teen years, my mom would talk about my boom box. When she was at work, I would sneak into her room and take it back. I'd put it back by the time she got home. Her taking it away just pissed me off. Then it became like a game....how late could I have it out before she got home. She never knew either.
What's the point of grounding anyone during COVID? LOL Can't go anywhere anyway.
I grew up to be a productive member of society with several college degrees. So this isn't the end of the world.
I absolutely disagree with the idea of giving her phone back. She didn't just throw a temper fit. An eleven-year-old understands that a diamond ring is worth thousands of dollars. She also understands that by swallowing it, she put her health at risk. How much did the visit to the ER and the x-ray cost? Having to go to an ER right now in the middle of a huge COVID flare exposed her and the parent who had to take her (and therefore by extension, her siblings.)
Worst of all, it's now been days after this has happened, when she should have had a chance to calm down and come to her senses, and she is showing zero remorse, zero care for the others in her family. It's all "I want my phone back, and unless I get it, I will continue manipulating you."
Me. Me. Me.
Her selfish, thoughtless actions need to have natural consequences.
So no, this is not a case where I would give back the phone after a week, or a month or even three months. She needs to demonstrate over a long period of time that she is truly sorry, that she has changed her behavior, and demonstrate that she is not going to do something dangerous like this again. What a spoiled, privileged little girl, to smugly come down to the table with the plan to swallow an expensive diamond ring. A girl whose only care in the world is getting her precious phone back (apparently she simply shrugs off what ER visits, x-rays and diamond rings cost.)
Does this sound like a girl who should be given back her phone?
I would instead immediately get her into therapy.
As for the food battles, I would put out healthy food on the table and not have any unhealthy food in the house except on special occasions. Let her fill her own plate. How is she buying the unhealthy food? Are you giving her money? A girl who swallows her mother's expensive engagement ring and costs the family $$$ due to an ER visit and X-rays that were entirely avoidable will need to be doing her chores around the house for zero allowance for a while to pay that expense back, I would think.
The kid learned this behavior from. somewhere. The child isn't the only one who may benefit from therapy. This isn't all on the kid like you're making it sound. The parents - both of them - have a major role in her behavior as well.
You should have given her ex-lax and sat her ass on the toilet with one of those bowl strainer hat things.
Check her bag when she comes home from school and confiscate any candy.
Don't waste your breath bargaining on what reward she will get if she does eat or what you'll take away if she doesn't. Give her the rules and tell her they aren't up for debate. 1.) She can eat or not eat the things on her plate. 2.) If she chooses to eat the entire meal then dessert will be offered to her if you've prepared one. If she choose not to eat then tell her she is excused from the table before you serve dessert.
Don't fight with her about it. When she eats what she likes (if anything) then starts to complain about the rest of what you've fixed just say "ok. you're done then so you are excused from the table". No big deal. End of discussion.
In fact, I would recommend it for the mom, whether SHE needs it or not, just to help her keep things in balance and have some safe place to vent.
Hate to say it, but imo, the kid is a brat -- and chances are that both she and her parents are in for a VERY rough ride ahead. My sympathies are with the mom, however, IF she is portraying things honestly. The kid has learned how to get her way, and so she will probably survive until she leaves home (not sure about the mom, though).
But, as an aside, it does sound like the mom truly dislikes the daughter, and if that is correct, that is not good for either one and I would guess it greatly contributing to the problem.
Might make a claim to your insurance re: the ring(s.)
Dunno if they'd pay, but this is so unusual.
Have to check with that old guy on TV, to see if he's heard of it!
Good luck with your daughter. Just wait until those hormones start raging!
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