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My daughter 11 has always been a difficult eater even when she was a baby and would never have the vegetables that we placed on her plate. She got a bit better after she turned 6 but still never liked eating the vegetables that we cooked. We managed to get her to eat them by rewarding her additional privileges such as playing games for an additional 15 minutes at night or an extra piece of desert. This has worked awesomely for our other 2 kids, but not for her.
Ever since she turned 10 she has started pushing back again against eating the vegetables and would leave them untouched on the plate. We couldn't convince her to do it no mater what we tried. She is extremely intelligent and always found loop holes in our agreements to get out of eating healthy. Now that she is 11 she is absolutely refusing to eat the vegetables and we have found chocolate that she's snuck into the house. This is against our no treats until she has at least some of everything from her plate, including the vegetables. We do not force our kids to finish their food if they are not hungry.
My husband has been at work for the past week (2 weeks off 2 weeks on) and I was nearing my wits end with my her ignoring my request to eat here vegetables and instead would sneak candies/chocolate on the side. I told her that she had to have at least some of everything on her plate or else I would take away her phone. This lead to a mini fight,she gave me her phone and left to go into the kitchen. She came back 45 seconds later with a smirk on her face. She sat down and defiantly asked if I wanted her to eat everything on the plate. I thought I maybe gotten through to her and of course agreed with her statement. Before I even realized what was happening she dropped my engagement and wedding ring (I left them next to the kitchen sink in a jar) into the mashed potatoes, took a big scoop and swallowed. She then asked if I still wanted her to eat everything on the plate. My wedding ring was still there but not my engagement ring.
I'm not proud to say this but I thought of hitting her. I instead yelled at her to spit it but she opened her mouth and it was empty. She then went for another scoop of potatoes, but I blocked her before she could finish. Needless to say a large fight broke out and it was chaotic.
After cooling off I was nervous about the health impacts that a swallowed diamond ring could cause. The doctor told me not to worry too much as the xray showed it had entered the intestines and was not stuck in the throat. It should be making its appearance in a day or two and to be on the lookout for it. If it was still in the stomach she might have been able to retrieve it. I am grateful that no lasting harm has been done.
My daughter has told me that she won't look for my ring unless I give the phone back. I can not give in to her demands. I don't think that I can keep her away from a toilet.
I do not know what to do, how to move forward or even how we got to this point. I get angry when I see my daughter which I feel terrible about. I'm at my wits end and do not know where to turn. I am looking into getting a therapist.
My daughter 11 has always been a difficult eater even when she was a baby and would never have the vegetables that we placed on her plate. She got a bit better after she turned 6 but still never liked eating the vegetables that we cooked. We managed to get her to eat them by rewarding her additional privileges such as playing games for an additional 15 minutes at night or an extra piece of desert. This has worked awesomely for our other 2 kids, but not for her.
Ever since she turned 10 she has started pushing back again against eating the vegetables and would leave them untouched on the plate. We couldn't convince her to do it no mater what we tried. She is extremely intelligent and always found loop holes in our agreements to get out of eating healthy. Now that she is 11 she is absolutely refusing to eat the vegetables and we have found chocolate that she's snuck into the house. This is against our no treats until she has at least some of everything from her plate, including the vegetables. We do not force our kids to finish their food if they are not hungry.
I do not know what to do, how to move forward or even how we got to this point. I get angry when I see my daughter which I feel terrible about. I'm at my wits end and do not know where to turn. I am looking into getting a therapist.
First for the food issues, try this book: Broccoli Boot Camp: Basic Training for Parents of Selective Eaters Paperback – Illustrated, November 16, 2018 by Keith E Williams and Laura J Seiverling. It is written by food therapists and has a bunch of suggestions, plans, and advice.
Second getting a family therapist is probably a good idea and don't hit her that sends the wrong message.
Take her to the hospital.
They will do an exray and then explain to this dear child that a perferated intestine is not the best way to be defiant.
She chose the wrong battle.
Amazing what hospitals can do to retrieve the valuable.
My only advice is to go back to when she was 2 years old and stop rewarding and bribing her for doing things she was required to do. You have created a monster.
And earn to cook. Kids will generally eat vegetables that are well prepared.
A bit off topic, but I would not require a child to eat potatoes. Potatoes are not a vegetable and there is absolutely no reason for a child to eat potatoes if he doesn't want potatoes.
Where is this kid getting candy? Either you are bringing it into the house for her or you are giving her money to buy it for herself.
Take her to the hospital.
They will do an exray and then explain to this dear child that a perferated intestine is not the best way to be defiant.
She chose the wrong battle.
Amazing what hospitals can do to retrieve the valuable.
From the OPs post
"After cooling off I was nervous about the health impacts that a swallowed diamond ring could cause. The doctor told me not to worry too much as the xray showed it had entered the intestines and was not stuck in the throat. It should be making its appearance in a day or two and to be on the lookout for it. If it was still in the stomach she might have been able to retrieve it. I am grateful that no lasting harm has been done."
The window for you to teach her to eat healthy has long past. She now needs to decide to do that on her own for her own health. You don't teach a kid to eat healthy by bribing them with extra desserts or video game time. It sounds like she's found other sources to get those & doesn't need to humor you anymore. I'd start working on taking responsibility for her actions and drop the power play over what she eats. Let her take responsibility for her decision to swallow a ring. Look up what your homeowner's insurance deductible will be if the ring gets flushed. Explain to her how insurance works and what the ring is worth. Come up with a chore list for her to earn money to pay you back if she chooses to not retrieve the ring. Also have her take a nutrition class & let her pick which healthy foods she is going to eat. She's old enough to help with dinner prep & can help with the cooking to explore foods she'd rather eat.
I'm a picky eater and it turns out that food sensory issues and food sensitivity issues were behind most of it. I think most picky eaters or former picky eaters will tell you getting into a battle of wills is counter productive. Find healthy foods they will eat as a fallback to encourage healthy eating, but set the expectation eat what is served or fix your own meal afterwards. Constantly reminding them that taste change as you get older, so try one small bite & if the kid wants to fix up and eat from their short list of healthy alternative meal items after dinner, let them. Very small serving sizes, ask them to take one small bite out of a tablespoon size serving & slowly work up to a larger bite, then larger serving.
Learning to eat healthy is the important thing and eating what was served so I could get on with what I'd rather do after dinner started to be preferable to fixing myself a peanut-butter sandwich on whole wheat with a side of chopped up fresh vegetables. Most of the foods I have sensory issues with aren't healthy to begin with, mashed potatoes for example, and repeated exposure helped with with desensitizing for the more healthy options.
Ground her. Cancel her phone permanently. Replace with a voice-only flip phone if necessary for safety after her grounding is over. No tv, internet, or access to tech of any kind--even for school. She cannot leave the premises for a month. Every meal will be vegetarian for a month. All candy will be removed from the house.
Step one to being released from the gulag will be for her to dig through her excrement daily until she finds the ring. Step two will be her paying out of pocket to have both rings professionally cleaned. Step three will be a convincing apology.
All this should be delivered by the father (over the phone or online), since he is not really a party to the dispute, and needs to show the daughter a united front.
We would have had privileges taken away....not handed out. Just sayin.
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