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Being a teenager is about raging hormones and learning from mistakes. I hope she learned that betraying the trust of her parents feels bad.
She made a big mistake having sex with a random male from Tinder (which I infer is a place to hook up for sex?), but with her history of not making friends easily, it could be argued that she used her ingenuity to check the virginity box.
I’d like to know what the girl had to say about this. I’d be more worried about her lack of self esteem and feelings of weirdness, than about the actual sex part. Plenty of “weird” kids in high school turn out just fine, once they branch out and find others like themselves.
She said she'd been seeing him since September, and that he's 18. They apparently ARE boyfriend/girlfriend. And apparently it's the first time they had sex, because OP said they didn't have anywhere else to go, so when the opportunity came up, with parents going out of town, they took it.
To conceive a child? Safe to assume that's a "no"...
Is that all you can come up with? Why would that be a "right reason" for a 17 year old?
Many young women have sex for reasons related to poor self-esteem, i.e., so they can keep a "boyfriend" or who they believe is a boyfriend. Since the OP's daughter has been socially isolated and has been considered "weird", she is vulnerable to poor self-esteem issues.
Is that all you can come up with? Why would that be a "right reason" for a 17 year old?
Many young women have sex for reasons related to poor self-esteem, i.e., so they can keep a "boyfriend" or who they believe is a boyfriend. Since the OP's daughter has been socially isolated and has been considered "weird", she is vulnerable to poor self-esteem issues.
There would never be a "right" reason for a 17 year old (or a person of any age for that matter) to have sex unless he or she were in a committed, life-long relationship (i.e. marriage) and were open to bringing a child into the world.
Sex is the thing that makes children. Why do we forget that? We act like the two (sex and procreation) have nothing to do with each other.
It sounds totally normal for most 17 year old girls. I hope you've had the birth control talk, and taken her to the OB/GYN so that she can obtain what she needs to make sure she doesn't ruin her, or her boyfriend's, life with an unintended pregnancy. I'd also talk to her about the fact that guys really want sex and will often stay with a girl until they get it, and then drop her. And explain that wanting her for sex, doesn't meant that he loves her, or even likes her as anything other than a casual friend. Other than that, I would ask her to please respect your home and not ever do that in your home again. It's okay to punish her for violating your trust and the sanctity of your home, but fooling around at that age is pretty much par for the course.
...what she needs to make sure she doesn't ruin her, or her boyfriend's life with an unintended pregnancy. Other than that, I would ask her to please respect your home and not ever do that in your home again.
"Unintended pregnancy". If you don't intend on pregnancy, maybe don't do the thing that causes pregnancy???
I ate an entire chocolate cake that resulted in unintended excessive calorie consumption and unintended hyperglycemia.
Did she want to get caught? I find it almost incredible that all evidence of any wrongdoing would not be gone. Really?. . . left beer cans in the trash? Used your bed and messed it up and left it all for you to find later?
Not that this will be much consolation, but this is fairly 'normal' for a teenage girl.
I think what I would do is, first of all, get her on birth control, and second, insist on meeting the boyfriend. Not to grill him, but so you can get an idea if he's a nice guy or not, and get to know him. Third, tell her YOUR bed is not for her and her boyfriend to use.
I know it's hard to accept that daughters grow up, and have sexual appetites...but they do. But YOU are allowed your boundaries too, so your bedroom is off limits to her and her boyfriend.
This. You have to accept that she is having sex. She needs to be on bc. Do this without fail. I agree that you need to meet the boy. I think you should find comfort in the fact that the cover up was so clumsy. Your daughter is not practiced in the art of deception.
If your emotions are high because of all of this, please find a family counselor to act as mediator.
I also agree that you should make your bedroom off limits.
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