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Not that this will be much consolation, but this is fairly 'normal' for a teenage girl.
Agree that it's common for teens to be having sex. Usually once they start having sex they keep doing it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy
I think what I would do is, first of all, get her on birth control, and second, insist on meeting the boyfriend. Not to grill him, but so you can get an idea if he's a nice guy or not, and get to know him.
Great advice, especially to get her on birth control. I suggest an IUD. They're effective for 5+ years. They used to not use them on anyone that had not had a child but that's changed. I would suggest the one without hormones since the OP doesn't know how her daughter's body will react to hormones.
My suggestion would be for the OP to track her daughters monthly cycle. If she knows when her last flow was before having sex to calculate to see if the daughter was ovulating when they had sex. If the OP doesn't know, they should start paying attention to it. One tip I have is if the OP saves her food shopping receipts to look for the one where she bought flow products. Hopefully the daughter was out or low on them when she started her flow. I've had to do that in the past. This will at least allow the OP to know if her daughter is late and possibly pregnant.
I'd also want to meet the boy to see what he looks like and how he acts and to be sure he is a boy and not a man.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy
.... Third, tell her YOUR bed is not for her and her boyfriend to use.
I know it's hard to accept that daughters grow up, and have sexual appetites...but they do. But YOU are allowed your boundaries too, so your bedroom is off limits to her and her boyfriend.
Agree, OP should make it clear to her daughter that her bed is off limits and how disgusting it is for the daughter and any partner/ one night stand to use to have sex. If I was a teen, it would gross me out to use my parents bed to have sex on.
Quote:
Originally Posted by softcrunch
Its a guy from tinder...not bf
Thanks for the reminder. OP should also have a serious talk about how dangerous it can be to meet up with a total stranger, especially to her house. Now the guy knows where they live if he turns out to be a crazy dude.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kitty61
Send her to the family doctor for the pill and condoms. She is too young for an IUD, or using sponges and such.
I don't think she's too young for an IUD. In my opinion, an IUD is the best birth control to put her on because she can't forget to take it. She also shouldn't have any side effects from it either.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kitty61
It is time you had a woman to woman talk with her. Tell her about pregnancy and how it changes a woman's freedom. Ensure she knows what her life will entail then. Tell her that condoms help prevent contracting STDs, HIV and cervical cancer but are not a good method of birth control.
Telling her not to have sex is useless because she has already tasted it.
You'd be surprised how many young girls want a baby. Even when I was in high school in 81 to 83. The girls used to place bets on who would get pregnant 1st.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy
A guy she's been seeing since September, I believe? I'd call him a boyfriend.
I just reread what she wrote. Sounds like you're right, she's been talking to the boy from Tinder. She mentioned her daughter has been going to the mall and hanging out with a few girls since September but I guess she found out it wasn't girls and that it's been this 18 year old boy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by abigailspencer
I don’t know what to do about this so I was hoping I could get some advice here. I’m a mother in my 40s and have a 17yr old daughter in her final year of secondary school. She has generally been well behaved with my husband and I while also having no behavioural issues in school.
One thing we were worried about was her lack of friends. She’s quite good academically but has never had any close friends and although she got close to some teen girls in school, she said they slowly distanced themselves from her as they found her weird.
This year we encouraged her to make more friends and we agreed to pay for her to go out on a treat with some classmates on the weekends.
She said that she was hanging out with a few girls from class in the Shopping Centre in town. She left home at morning coming back at the evening since September. We trusted her on this and gave her €20 every week and let her be free.
Last week, my husband and I went to stay overnight at a friend’s house two hours away (from Fri to Sunday). We left her at home for the weekend. When we arrived back everything seemed fine but I found a few clothes/items in my bed misplaced. I asked if she’d been in my room but she denied it. I brushed it off but later during the day I found a few six packs in the trash can. I had emptied the trash before both my husband and I left so I knew it could only be my daughter and grilled her on the alcohol. She broke down and admitted that she had a boy over.
All this time, she wasn’t going to see any female friends but an 18yr old boy she’d met on Tinder. They wanted to have sex together but didn’t have anywhere to go so she waited until she knew we’d be away for a night then brought him over. He bought some alcohol and they had sex in our room then left on Sunday morning before we arrived in the evening.
All I can say is that I’m speechless. We’ve taken away our daughter’s phone and internet privileges but don’t know what else to do.
Hopefully the OP comes back. I sent her a message telling her she got a lot of great input and sent a link to the thread in case she doesn't know how to find it again. Some times my DM's do get the one time poster to come back so we'll see.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Roselvr
Agree that it's common for teens to be having sex. Usually once they start having sex they keep doing it.
Great advice, especially to get her on birth control. I suggest an IUD. They're effective for 5+ years. They used to not use them on anyone that had not had a child but that's changed. I would suggest the one without hormones since the OP doesn't know how her daughter's body will react to hormones.
My suggestion would be for the OP to track her daughters monthly cycle. If she knows when her last flow was before having sex to calculate to see if the daughter was ovulating when they had sex. If the OP doesn't know, they should start paying attention to it. One tip I have is if the OP saves her food shopping receipts to look for the one where she bought flow products. Hopefully the daughter was out or low on them when she started her flow. I've had to do that in the past. This will at least allow the OP to know if her daughter is late and possibly pregnant.
I'd also want to meet the boy to see what he looks like and how he acts and to be sure he is a boy and not a man.
Agree, OP should make it clear to her daughter that her bed is off limits and how disgusting it is for the daughter and any partner/ one night stand to use to have sex. If I was a teen, it would gross me out to use my parents bed to have sex on.
Thanks for the reminder. OP should also have a serious talk about how dangerous it can be to meet up with a total stranger, especially to her house. Now the guy knows where they live if he turns out to be a crazy dude.
I don't think she's too young for an IUD. In my opinion, an IUD is the best birth control to put her on because she can't forget to take it. She also shouldn't have any side effects from it either.
You'd be surprised how many young girls want a baby. Even when I was in high school in 81 to 83. The girls used to place bets on who would get pregnant 1st.
I just reread what she wrote. Sounds like you're right, she's been talking to the boy from Tinder. She mentioned her daughter has been going to the mall and hanging out with a few girls since September but I guess she found out it wasn't girls and that it's been this 18 year old boy.
Hopefully the OP comes back. I sent her a message telling her she got a lot of great input and sent a link to the thread in case she doesn't know how to find it again. Some times my DM's do get the one time poster to come back so we'll see.
Looks like op is busy dealing with the daughter..if this real post
2) Having sex with this guy -- is she having sex for the right reasons?
Quote:
Originally Posted by FSUMike
To conceive a child? Safe to assume that's a "no"...
All right, time for some reality here. Sex isn't merely fore conceiving a child. Is that it's biological purpose? Sure. But human beings are far more than mere biological entities. Lips didn't evolve for the purpose of kissing, yet I presume you understand that they can legitimately serve that purpose. No? The hand is not 'for' throwing a football, yet I would guess you don't object to its use as such.
Sex serves many purposes. Procreation, yes. Pair-bonding? Absolutely. People engage in sex to feel close to someone. Married people do this, and unmarried people do this. That's a fact. People have sex because it's fun. That, too, is a fact.
That's the real world. So let's deal with reality, not some Victorian fantasy that has no basis in reality.
It sounds totally normal for most 17 year old girls.
Yes normal.
The year before my son was to enter High School the Principal of the High School came to the Middle School to have a meeting with the parents that had kids entering his school the following year.
He said, "Do you know when most kids have sex?" His answer, "between 3 and 5 o'clock". After school and before their parents get home from work.
OP--what your daughter did is normal. Having a conversation with her about safe sex and meeting strangers from the Internet is what you need to do. And having a conversation with her about respecting her body and having self confidence.
I don't think punishment was needed. It was a mistake the parents made with not having prior conversations. You waited until the barn door was open.
Love teenagers--but they are not to be trusted! They are in their exploring years and really do not have complete common sense. Their brains are still developing.
Did she want to get caught? I find it almost incredible that all evidence of any wrongdoing would not be gone. Really?. . . left beer cans in the trash? Used your bed and messed it up and left it all for you to find later?
Well, possibly the alcohol just made her stop paying attention to those things. Alcohol does that after all...
Was she drunk the entire weekend. She should have had plenty time to get rid of the evidence.
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