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I don’t know what to do about this so I was hoping I could get some advice here. I’m a mother in my 40s and have a 17yr old daughter in her final year of secondary school. She has generally been well behaved with my husband and I while also having no behavioural issues in school.
One thing we were worried about was her lack of friends. She’s quite good academically but has never had any close friends and although she got close to some teen girls in school, she said they slowly distanced themselves from her as they found her weird.
This year we encouraged her to make more friends and we agreed to pay for her to go out on a treat with some classmates on the weekends.
She said that she was hanging out with a few girls from class in the Shopping Centre in town. She left home at morning coming back at the evening since September. We trusted her on this and gave her €20 every week and let her be free.
Last week, my husband and I went to stay overnight at a friend’s house two hours away (from Fri to Sunday). We left her at home for the weekend. When we arrived back everything seemed fine but I found a few clothes/items in my bed misplaced. I asked if she’d been in my room but she denied it. I brushed it off but later during the day I found a few six packs in the trash can. I had emptied the trash before both my husband and I left so I knew it could only be my daughter and grilled her on the alcohol. She broke down and admitted that she had a boy over.
All this time, she wasn’t going to see any female friends but an 18yr old boy she’d met on Tinder. They wanted to have sex together but didn’t have anywhere to go so she waited until she knew we’d be away for a night then brought him over. He bought some alcohol and they had sex in our room then left on Sunday morning before we arrived in the evening.
All I can say is that I’m speechless. We’ve taken away our daughter’s phone and internet privileges but don’t know what else to do.
Not that this will be much consolation, but this is fairly 'normal' for a teenage girl.
I think what I would do is, first of all, get her on birth control, and second, insist on meeting the boyfriend. Not to grill him, but so you can get an idea if he's a nice guy or not, and get to know him. Third, tell her YOUR bed is not for her and her boyfriend to use.
I know it's hard to accept that daughters grow up, and have sexual appetites...but they do. But YOU are allowed your boundaries too, so your bedroom is off limits to her and her boyfriend.
Unfortunately your daughter totally crossed the line of trust the parents had given to her. Not sure what you're looking for but they already had sex, so its not like there's anything to reverse it now. But maybe punishment is not the best idea to make her realize what made her parents so upset.
Not that this will be much consolation, but this is fairly 'normal' for a teenage girl.
I think what I would do is, first of all, get her on birth control, and second, insist on meeting the boyfriend. Not to grill him, but so you can get an idea if he's a nice guy or not, and get to know him. Third, tell her YOUR bed is not for her and her boyfriend to use.
I know it's hard to accept that daughters grow up, and have sexual appetites...but they do. But YOU are allowed your boundaries too, so your bedroom is off limits to her and her boyfriend.
Send her to the family doctor for the pill and condoms. She is too young for an IUD, or using sponges and such.
It is time you had a woman to woman talk with her. Tell her about pregnancy and how it changes a woman's freedom. Ensure she knows what her life will entail then. Tell her that condoms help prevent contracting STDs, HIV and cervical cancer but are not a good method of birth control.
Telling her not to have sex is useless because she has already tasted it.
Send her to the family doctor for the pill and condoms. She is too young for an IUD, or using sponges and such.
It is time you had a woman to woman talk with her. Tell her about pregnancy and how it changes a woman's freedom. Ensure she knows what her life will entail then. Tell her that condoms help prevent contracting STDs, HIV and cervical cancer but are not a good method of birth control. Telling her not to have sex is useless because she has already tasted it.
I don’t know what to do about this so I was hoping I could get some advice here. I’m a mother in my 40s and have a 17yr old daughter in her final year of secondary school. She has generally been well behaved with my husband and I while also having no behavioural issues in school.
One thing we were worried about was her lack of friends. She’s quite good academically but has never had any close friends and although she got close to some teen girls in school, she said they slowly distanced themselves from her as they found her weird.
This year we encouraged her to make more friends and we agreed to pay for her to go out on a treat with some classmates on the weekends.
She said that she was hanging out with a few girls from class in the Shopping Centre in town. She left home at morning coming back at the evening since September. We trusted her on this and gave her €20 every week and let her be free.
Last week, my husband and I went to stay overnight at a friend’s house two hours away (from Fri to Sunday). We left her at home for the weekend. When we arrived back everything seemed fine but I found a few clothes/items in my bed misplaced. I asked if she’d been in my room but she denied it. I brushed it off but later during the day I found a few six packs in the trash can. I had emptied the trash before both my husband and I left so I knew it could only be my daughter and grilled her on the alcohol. She broke down and admitted that she had a boy over.
All this time, she wasn’t going to see any female friends but an 18yr old boy she’d met on Tinder. They wanted to have sex together but didn’t have anywhere to go so she waited until she knew we’d be away for a night then brought him over. He bought some alcohol and they had sex in our room then left on Sunday morning before we arrived in the evening.
All I can say is that I’m speechless. We’ve taken away our daughter’s phone and internet privileges but don’t know what else to do.
So you've let your daughter roam around for months during a pandemic and then the first time she sneaks a boy into the house while you are gone, they have sex in your room, not hers.
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