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Old 01-20-2021, 03:44 AM
 
12,920 posts, read 14,439,689 times
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The fact that she has told you about this, could be a therapeutic moment for her.
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Old 01-20-2021, 08:45 AM
 
1,221 posts, read 538,858 times
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I'm curious why she is so angry?


I have a daughter a similar age, and my parents did daycare for her when she was a baby/toddler. My husband and I paid them for that. My mom was working age and took a year off to do it. Dad was retired. My daughter knows all about that, it's no family secret. I don't remember her having any reaction at all when it came up in conversation. She had a great relationship with my parents as a child (dad died when she was 11, mom when she was 17), and this information doesn't seem to have had any affect on her memories. Why would it?
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Old 01-20-2021, 09:42 AM
 
2,172 posts, read 3,349,601 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Itapsit View Post
Hi everyone. Around Christmas, I was talking to my daughter about family members who passed away. I was shocked to find out my daughter has unfavorable opinions about my mother. When asked why, she was upset because my mother took money to babysit her. I tried explaining why, but she's still upset. I got a call from my sister earlier that my daughter is calling our mom a b itch and other unfavorable terms. Just not sure where to go from here. TBH, I'm sort of afraid her feelings for me can turn on a dime. Before my mom passed, they were close.
My advice in all personal family matters such as this is to post it on the internet for millions of strangers to read and lend all sorts of conflicting advice, of which none will probably be heeded.
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Old 01-20-2021, 09:51 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
19,201 posts, read 20,494,342 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bondaroo View Post
I'm curious why she is so angry?
(snip)
I am thinking the same thing. What is making your daughter so angry?

I am a grandmother and I am friends with many other grandparents who babysit or provide child child for their grandchildren. Some are paid and some are not paid, it all depends on the individual situation with each family. There is an enormous range.

I know one set of grandparents who provided full time child care for their grandchildren and also made supper & other meals for the entire family (to take home), for free, as they had lots of money and their adult daughter & SIL were struggling financially. OTOH, I know one couple who paid the grandmother more than the market rate for providing childcare, as well as provided her free housing, food and other expenses. This was because the grandmother had serious financial issues. And, I am familiar with numerous situations between these two extremes
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Old 01-20-2021, 09:57 AM
 
Location: Vermont
3,218 posts, read 1,114,142 times
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She sounds like an immature snowflake. Childcare should be free, don'tchaknow?
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Old 01-20-2021, 10:25 AM
 
Location: Raleigh
10,792 posts, read 8,171,690 times
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Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
I am thinking the same thing. What is making your daughter so angry?

I am a grandmother and I am friends with many other grandparents who babysit or provide child child for their grandchildren. Some are paid and some are not paid, it all depends on the individual situation with each family. There is an enormous range.
I have to imagine that there's something else that isn't being said for her to have these strong feelings about her grandmother. I'd not be surprised to find out if she was abusive, or complicit in some sort of abuse.

I have a great grandmother that isn't always mentioned in the kindest of terms. But, none of her grandchildren seem to harbor any ill-will at all towards her. They simply acknowledge that she was grumpy and mean and chalk a lot of it up to her life experiences which weren't the nicest.
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Old 01-20-2021, 01:53 PM
 
580 posts, read 429,311 times
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Talk to her and find out what happened while Grandma was babysitting. Sounds like there's more to the story.
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Old 01-20-2021, 03:41 PM
 
12,488 posts, read 3,733,377 times
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Originally Posted by bbtondo View Post
talk to her and find out what happened while grandma was babysitting. Sounds like there's more to the story.
100%.
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Old 01-21-2021, 05:16 AM
 
Location: NJ
15,982 posts, read 24,720,372 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Itapsit View Post
Hi everyone. Around Christmas, I was talking to my daughter about family members who passed away. I was shocked to find out my daughter has unfavorable opinions about my mother. When asked why, she was upset because my mother took money to babysit her. I tried explaining why, but she's still upset. I got a call from my sister earlier that my daughter is calling our mom a b itch and other unfavorable terms. Just not sure where to go from here. TBH, I'm sort of afraid her feelings for me can turn on a dime. Before my mom passed, they were close.
Have to agree with the snow flake comment...

My take is that she was very close to your mother and was very hurt to find out your mother took money from you to watch her, so she may question your mothers feelings towards her because maybe to your daughter your mother was being paid to be very close to her....

You really won't know until you have a conversation with her unless she's the type to not be able to have one like my daughter can be... She's also some what of a snow flake, 27 years old, same generation...

So you have a sister, does your sister have kids? Was your mother close to any of them too? Did she baby sit your sisters kids and did she take money from her too?
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Old 02-20-2021, 07:54 AM
 
8,928 posts, read 5,093,111 times
Reputation: 24085
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
I am thinking the same thing. What is making your daughter so angry?

I am a grandmother and I am friends with many other grandparents who babysit or provide child child for their grandchildren. Some are paid and some are not paid, it all depends on the individual situation with each family. There is an enormous range.

I know one set of grandparents who provided full time child care for their grandchildren and also made supper & other meals for the entire family (to take home), for free, as they had lots of money and their adult daughter & SIL were struggling financially. OTOH, I know one couple who paid the grandmother more than the market rate for providing childcare, as well as provided her free housing, food and other expenses. This was because the grandmother had serious financial issues. And, I am familiar with numerous situations between these two extremes
It might take some deeper digging, but there is probably some "there" there. Our kids had a great relationship with their grandmother, but it just never developed with their grandfather. Kids notice things in how their friends grandparents treat them vs how their own act.

Example, which happened often with their grandparents, esp grandfather. Kid's sports, like soccer or Little League. They see their friends grandparents in the stands cheering for them. But seldom see theirs. So they are so excited the day grandparents come to the game. Then by second inning look up in the stands and see them gone. Not just once, but every single time. Why? Various excuses. It was cold when it was 90 degrees in August. Or they were bored. You don't come to a kids soccer game to see Rooney vs Lampard; you come to a kids soccer game to cheer for you grandkids.

Those things over time send a message of how much or how little the grandparent values the grandchild.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Riley. View Post
She sounds like an immature snowflake. Childcare should be free, don'tchaknow?
I wouldn't call her a snowflake at all. Love should be free. By taking money, grandmother put a price on her love. It wasn't given freely and unrestricted; it came with a price. She grew up thinking her grandmother loved her only to find "we had to pay your grandmother to spend time with you."

That's not just a little scratch; that's a sucking chest wound right to the heart. In time the immediate pain will subside and she will develop a mature, civil, relationship. But the wound will never go away.
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