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Old 01-19-2021, 12:01 AM
 
7 posts, read 5,377 times
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Hi everyone. Around Christmas, I was talking to my daughter about family members who passed away. I was shocked to find out my daughter has unfavorable opinions about my mother. When asked why, she was upset because my mother took money to babysit her. I tried explaining why, but she's still upset. I got a call from my sister earlier that my daughter is calling our mom a b itch and other unfavorable terms. Just not sure where to go from here. TBH, I'm sort of afraid her feelings for me can turn on a dime. Before my mom passed, they were close.
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Old 01-19-2021, 09:20 AM
 
13,762 posts, read 22,733,671 times
Reputation: 38471
How old is your daughter?
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Old 01-19-2021, 10:57 AM
 
13,429 posts, read 16,991,954 times
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How could she possibly think unfavorably about your mother?
She must have got that from someone.
You need to straighten those thoughts out with the truth...

Your daughter must not be very young if you're afraid of her, so like Mattie asked, how old is she?
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Old 01-19-2021, 11:57 AM
 
Location: North Idaho
26,391 posts, read 35,142,197 times
Reputation: 55527
My son has harsh feelings about my mother, but it is because my mother was abusive and my son is protective of me and angry about the bad treatment I received.


I was very careful to never do or say anything to turn him against his grandmother, but he is a smart and observant person.



I would think that if the only resentment is because her grandmother charged for babysitting, you just explain that Grandma was short of income and wouldn't take charity, so paying her to babysit was your trick to get money into grandma's budget...... but, I suppose, only if that is actually true or at least partially true.
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Old 01-19-2021, 03:24 PM
 
7 posts, read 5,377 times
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She's 24 and is married to a man who encourages these outbursts. She moved across the country with him.
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Old 01-19-2021, 03:37 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
28,334 posts, read 18,754,943 times
Reputation: 44545
Could her DH be isolating her from her family?
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Old 01-19-2021, 05:53 PM
 
15,038 posts, read 16,106,022 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Itapsit View Post
She's 24 and is married to a man who encourages these outbursts. She moved across the country with him.
This is a ridiculous statement. Your daughter expressing herself is on her. Moving away to live with her husband is not uncommon or putative. She’s also allowed an opinion on your mother. Doesn’t mean it’s true but you should acknowledge that’s how she feels. Don’t take it personally
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Old 01-19-2021, 07:20 PM
 
11,920 posts, read 9,843,289 times
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Is your mother still living, and does she have any contact with your daughter? How old was your daughter when your mother baby-sat her? Was she the only grandchild, and is she your only child?

Did your mother ever express any unusual concern about your daughter's behavior when she was babysitting, or as your daughter grew up?

Does your daughter have friends around her own age, and did she have childhood friends? What was her relationship like with them, and how was her relationship with her elementary and middle school teachers?

Lots of questions, but answers may help establish whether or not your daughter has had frequent difficulties with relationships with either (or both) peers and other adults during her earlier years.
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Old 01-19-2021, 07:52 PM
 
13,762 posts, read 22,733,671 times
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Your daughter no longer has any power to hurt your mother. I would make it clear to her that you chose her grandmother as the best caregiver option, and doing so prevented her from working elsewhere.

When my first caregiver showed herself to be unsuitable, I asked my mother to step in. And, I paid her the same rate I was paying the caregiver. My mother was retired, and free to travel. Babysitting was for my benefit, and the benefit of my baby, certainly not my mother. I also didn't want to take advantage, and have her suddenly being asked to watch any of her other 12 grandkids.

Your daughter will mature, and realize she's wrong. I wouldn't lose any sleep over it, beyond telling her your mother was a wonderful option at a time you needed her, and the arrangement worked well for everyone.
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Old 01-19-2021, 07:53 PM
 
Location: planet earth
8,220 posts, read 3,597,412 times
Reputation: 18378
Quote:
Originally Posted by Itapsit View Post
Hi everyone. Around Christmas, I was talking to my daughter about family members who passed away. I was shocked to find out my daughter has unfavorable opinions about my mother. When asked why, she was upset because my mother took money to babysit her. I tried explaining why, but she's still upset. I got a call from my sister earlier that my daughter is calling our mom a b itch and other unfavorable terms. Just not sure where to go from here. TBH, I'm sort of afraid her feelings for me can turn on a dime. Before my mom passed, they were close.
Um. Talk to her?

I know: RADICAL!!!!!!
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