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Old 01-26-2021, 04:36 AM
Status: "Only the most loved have a place on my cap" (set 11 days ago)
 
1,014 posts, read 290,935 times
Reputation: 1066

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Everyone needs a vacation, I would say fine go on vacation and have fun, but you need to work part time to help with expenses while going to college. If you don't work part time then we will not be funding your education.
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Old 01-26-2021, 06:15 AM
 
6,630 posts, read 3,080,305 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kristinas_Cap View Post
Everyone needs a vacation, I would say fine go on vacation and have fun, but you need to work part time to help with expenses while going to college. If you don't work part time then we will not be funding your education.
I think that is fine under normal circumstances, but not now when we have high unemployment. Most of the places that normally hire college students, like retail and restaurants, have reduced hours and capacity. If he is not in school at home, many schools have also closed campuses for several months over the winter. That makes finding jobs even more difficult if you don’t have a traditional lease for the year.
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Old 01-26-2021, 08:39 AM
 
2,869 posts, read 1,082,027 times
Reputation: 6355
I have graduate school student kids. In undergraduate, they worked - one worked as an intern (which became a paying job) and the other worked for a professor translating newspaper articles for research.

1) The college will find him/her employment as part of his/her financial package. Start with the college.

2) No one hires a student for a month over winter break. By the time a student is trained, winter break is over. Makes no sense for an employer. If someone has worked for a company previous, and then the company might allow this trained employee back for college breaks - that's different. Panera Bread is pretty good with this.

3) It is possible to work part-time. However, some semesters have harder courses or labs requirements which require more studying or time. Grades are the first priority, work is second.

4) The trip is paid for, so let him go.
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Old 01-26-2021, 09:41 AM
Status: "Joy cometh in the morning" (set 18 days ago)
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
20,788 posts, read 26,071,227 times
Reputation: 55969
Quote:
Originally Posted by jobaba View Post
That's a little extreme.

That's what college kids do who live on campus do. They party. I know we're in a pandemic, but that's a whole nother topic.

Honestly, if he's a good student, what's the problem?

He's only freshman. He hasn't declared yet. There's nothing to intern in.

The mentality is to get kids out the door so they can start a career at 22 but that's short sighted. You need to educate him on how life and jobs work so he can choose an appropriate career and path. Otherwise, picking a major and getting a job is just going through the motions.
I agree with all of this.^^^

Your son did not ask you for money or worse, steal your credit card. I went away almost all Spring Breaks when I was away at college. It's normal. Working during Winter break is practically unheard of. No one will hire people for a month. Enjoy your son! Stop nagging.

Further info - they sell vacation packages at college now. So, expect more travel in the future.
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Old 01-26-2021, 10:15 AM
 
423 posts, read 68,443 times
Reputation: 272
Quote:
Originally Posted by RAFRAF View Post
He is expected to help with college expenses as
Much as he can. He will have to take out loans eventually.

He is planning on using his own money for the trip. I was clear to him that there were not to be vacations while he is in college.

I thought we had firm expectations but it seems we haven’t gotten through to him.
Yes he did pay for books and some personal supplies.

Some options discussed were::
Forfeit the trip
Go on the trip but he is expected to add twice the trip amount to his college savings.
Stop funding college upfront. Let him get the loan now and help him pay it back if he is more financially responsible.
Do nothing. Explain our disappointment and understand he made a mistake.
Support him a little less. He's not working and going on vacation because he can.
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Old 01-26-2021, 10:46 AM
 
2,171 posts, read 1,326,553 times
Reputation: 7559
It's weird to me that many people accept the idea that a young man (or woman) needs permission from his (or her) parents to travel these days.

OP has an ill-defined agreement to support some of the son's education until they decide not to. Son has judged that his current level of support justifies a trip to Miami. OP is not disagreeing with this, but rather that the trip was booked without permission and that the Son is not working as much as the OP would like. None of this is really the OP's business anymore.

I only see a problem with the parents' behavior, not the son's. It's time to cut the apron strings and accept that an adult child gets to make their own decisions and live their own life. Decide how much you can afford to support him, clearly communicate this to him, and then let him make his own way in the world with only occasional help and suggestions.

It would be different if the OP had raised a lazy spendthrift, but I don't see the combination of a small-ish number of working hours, offset by good grades, and a reasonable vacation as a red flag that the OP needs to step in and repair a lack of self-discipline.
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Old 01-26-2021, 11:37 AM
 
1,725 posts, read 2,266,931 times
Reputation: 8584
You don’t get to make your own decisions without my input if you’re financially dependent on me.

If you want to make all the adult decisions then you get all the consequences.

I’d give the OP’s son a warning in this case since the parameters were so blurry, but I’d make sure he knew exactly what my expectations are for continuing to fund his education.
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Old 01-26-2021, 02:44 PM
 
1,906 posts, read 1,743,688 times
Reputation: 5511
Part of this is him being a freshman and part of this would appear to be unclear expectations. It's easy sometimes to assume they understand how they should handle themselves, but they don't. You need to lay it out going forward, whatever you and your spouse agree it is.


I've got two in college full time, graduating this year. One of them has 3 jobs. The other seasonally goes between 5 different ones and always has at least 2 going at any one time. They have both maintained academic scholarships all the way through. They will have no debt. One is headed to grad school next and is already working on how they are going to support themselves in a new city. The other one has seen their sure fire post graduation employment blow away like dead leaves thanks to covid, but I am not worried about him. He knows how to work hard, learn new skills, make a budget and stick to it. This is not a brag, it's just what happened when we told our kids they needed to learn how to take care of themselves before they found themselves graduated and clueless. They didn't start out like this as freshmen, they had to fumble around and figure it out.


It's going to be a very tough world going forward. Help your kid be the one employers want.
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Old 01-26-2021, 07:08 PM
 
20,334 posts, read 7,949,673 times
Reputation: 38313
Quote:
Originally Posted by HTY483 View Post
As long as he uses his money that he has earned for his vacation then I wouldnt have a problem with it.
Absolutely, and the OP has stated he's spending his own money for this trip.

OP - your son is doing well. He's doing well in school, he's working some, and he's formed strong bonds with other students his freshman year, so much that they want to take a trip together.

I'd say he's hitting on all cylinders. There is a LARGE portion of freshmen who don't go to class, become depressed, can't get their feet under them, don't work at all, don't make friends.

Since you're not planning to pay for his whole college experience - "he'll have to get a loan at some point", why don't you tell him how much money you'll put toward his college, and let him work out the rest on his own?

Telling him he can't vacation while in college is treating him like a child.
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Old 01-26-2021, 09:30 PM
 
Location: ATL -> HOU -> DAL -> ATL
5,381 posts, read 4,352,092 times
Reputation: 4458
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
What do you mean, tuition wasn't a concern for your dad? I know people who worked their way through college in the 70's and earlier, who had work-study jobs on campus, (1/2 time), plus worked summers and during all school breaks, and still had to take out loans. And that was for in-state tuition, plus food, rent or dorm, and books, of course, plus clothes. Sure, it was more doable back then than now, but it definitely was a concern.
Well obviously tuition still existed, but it wasn't nearly the concern it is today. So I guess to rephrase, it wasn't that big of a concern. It was just another expense instead of being THE big expense tuition is today. It didn't hang over his head and certainly wasn't an obstacle. Unfortunately I can't find the website anymore but a few years ago I found Clemson's tuition from back in the early 80s. Adjusted for inflation, out of state tuition was less than in state circa 2015.
He did 4 years in state at GA Tech and 3 years at Clemson out of state. Today, that would be ~40k total for Tech and ~120k total for Clemson. That's insane. That's 160k total just in tuition. There's no way I could have afforded to do that for one BS degree. He would not have been able to do that if costs were that high back then. That's what I mean by not a concern. It cost money but he was still able to do it.
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