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Old 02-08-2021, 09:19 PM
 
6,680 posts, read 3,117,116 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
Well, I agree with you. Once our kids accepted jobs, we expected them to deal with the responsibilities involved. None of them ever quit unless a better opportunity came up and then they gave proper notice and left on good terms.

I will say only one of them ever worked at a grocery store, and it was their least favorite job by far, so I can certainly understand your daughter's lack of enthusiasm. But I still think she should stick it out for a bit longer, the experience will count when she looks for something else.

Why in the world does she have to wait for people to move? Why can't she just say "excuse me" and continue on?
It seems like some COVID-related anxiety to me that she wants to try to maintain her distance. I think these days even shopping can be frustrating because you don’t want to get into someone else’s space. That’s probably more the case when you are working and the customer is shopping.
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Old 02-09-2021, 07:51 AM
 
Location: Oak Park, IL
136 posts, read 60,646 times
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It could be so many things, like being shy or introverted, but this seems a little deeper than that. Is this something she’s always struggled with?

I agree with the suggestions above to have her practice at home, role playing, making calls, etc — and if she has a strong reaction to doing any of this, it might be a good idea to see if she would be open to seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist...

Having recently been diagnosed with adhd as an adult myself, I’m learning so much about how millions of people, girls and women especially, go undiagnosed and untreated.

Not saying your daughter has this or any other specific condition, but never a bad idea for her to have someone to talk to who might be able to either recognize something in her, or at least help her with coping strategies and tools she will need as an adult very soon.
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Old 02-09-2021, 08:31 AM
 
10,117 posts, read 9,436,522 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
Well, I agree with you. Once our kids accepted jobs, we expected them to deal with the responsibilities involved. None of them ever quit unless a better opportunity came up and then they gave proper notice and left on good terms.

I will say only one of them ever worked at a grocery store, and it was their least favorite job by far, so I can certainly understand your daughter's lack of enthusiasm. But I still think she should stick it out for a bit longer, the experience will count when she looks for something else.

Why in the world does she have to wait for people to move? Why can't she just say "excuse me" and continue on?
I agree with this as well. This is a new experience for her and she still requires guidance from you to learn to navigate her new role. These are the types of jobs for teens, to develop social skills, take direction from an authority that is not a parent, learn new tasks and responsibilities, and deal with the general public.

I remember back to my first job in a drugstore and regularly coming home to regale/complain about the things customers expected, rightly or wrongly, so much so that I still remember a few to this day, over 30 years later.

I wouldn't let her quit. These are the types of starter jobs where I think employers are expecting that teens are still learning to navigate the work world and dealing with the public. Quitting only teaches her she doesn't have to stick it out or do something she doesn't like or makes her feel uncomfortable. Now is the time to learn and grow, so when she's ready for another job or future career, she already has the tools in place to succeed. It's not as if she can escape the general public for the rest of her life, so better to learn now.

Edited to add: I don't think she has yet earned the "right" to quit. Part of this job is also learning from the employer's viewpoint that they picked her over others, devoted time and resources to training her, and while it's not going to affect any future employment at this stage of her life, it's a bit irresponsible to leave your employer in the lurch like that without having given it your best effort. IMO.
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Old 02-09-2021, 12:31 PM
 
6,770 posts, read 7,793,595 times
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First world problem.

Or the kid has issues.

Time to find out. A person can't go through life "having a bad hair day" because people are in the isle in front of them and she can't ask them to move.

100% agree that every youngster should have a job if for nothing more than to learn "how to be an employee" and "how to have a little money in their pocket for things they want".
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Old 02-09-2021, 12:52 PM
 
Location: Camberville
13,445 posts, read 18,287,235 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
Why in the world does she have to wait for people to move? Why can't she just say "excuse me" and continue on?

We are still in a pandemic.


It's impossible to get around people in an aisle and maintain distance. At my local grocery stores, aisles are one lane and people - including staff - are expected to wait until the person ahead of them moves in order to maintain distance. Not everyone does it, but that just puts staff more at risk.



I can't imagine how stressful it is for staff to have to be around people who ignore distancing all day.
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Old 02-09-2021, 01:05 PM
 
Location: NJ
1,619 posts, read 606,706 times
Reputation: 4964
I dont know if maybe Im younger or from a different area or what (im not that young btw) but I dont agree with any of the advice given.

I still remember my first jobs. I also have some new 1st job teenagers at home. I am not outgoing, i have a fair amount of social anxiety. I have worked in many different jobs. I worked in fast food I worked in food service i work in construction now, I delivered newspapers ( as an adult and made good money) i did telemarketing I worked in retail.

My mother and my sister worked in restaurants as a waitress. It seemed like the logical step for me. But from day 1 of working there I was anxious all the time, I was flustered, I was overwhelmed and I would almost have panic attacks. Working as a waitress was to anxiety causing for me. I have never had that problem in any other lines of work. Just waitress.

The teen in question should not have to deal with constant anxiety and frustration at work everyday. Think about everything you ever hated about a job and how much you hated having to deal with whatever was the problem. But you kept the job because you needed the money to care for your family. People stay miserable in their jobs for decades because they want to get a paycheck.

Why would you want to teach your child that its acceptable to be miserable and anxious at work? Its not and its not normal and its not ok. She needs to find a job she doesnt hate.

I deplore this mindset that we have to be miserable to be successful. You dont. By allowing her to put in notice and quit and encouraging her to find something else, you are teaching her that she is in charge of her own happiness. While its not easy, as adults we have the right to decide we dont like our life and to change it. She can to.
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Old 02-09-2021, 02:07 PM
 
9,240 posts, read 13,211,167 times
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I would be concerned some.

You shouldn't stick with a miserable job (though quitting one is trickier for adults than it seems).

But my reason for concern would be that working at a grocery store is a relatively low stress job and most jobs are significantly more stressful and/or difficult. I worked for a grocery store too when I was a kid.

That said, hard workers and ambitious people and yes men/women don't always end up in a better place.

My brother in law is one of those people who would quit if a job got 'miserable' for him for a stretch and even in his 40s is still aiming for artistic type jobs on his own terms (which to a degree I respect).

Fortunately, he met my sister who makes a lot of money, and even if they split (probably won't), the kids will definitely be taken care of by her, and he had 20 years of good living. Meanwhile, her job, while very high paying and stable, is extremely hard and stressful and she doesn't see her kids all that often.

So yea, you don't always end up in a better place. I have other examples. But ... it's a deep topic...
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Old 02-09-2021, 02:12 PM
 
Location: Camberville
13,445 posts, read 18,287,235 times
Reputation: 22993
Quote:
Originally Posted by LO28SWM View Post
I dont know if maybe Im younger or from a different area or what (im not that young btw) but I dont agree with any of the advice given.

I still remember my first jobs. I also have some new 1st job teenagers at home. I am not outgoing, i have a fair amount of social anxiety. I have worked in many different jobs. I worked in fast food I worked in food service i work in construction now, I delivered newspapers ( as an adult and made good money) i did telemarketing I worked in retail.

My mother and my sister worked in restaurants as a waitress. It seemed like the logical step for me. But from day 1 of working there I was anxious all the time, I was flustered, I was overwhelmed and I would almost have panic attacks. Working as a waitress was to anxiety causing for me. I have never had that problem in any other lines of work. Just waitress.

The teen in question should not have to deal with constant anxiety and frustration at work everyday. Think about everything you ever hated about a job and how much you hated having to deal with whatever was the problem. But you kept the job because you needed the money to care for your family. People stay miserable in their jobs for decades because they want to get a paycheck.

Why would you want to teach your child that its acceptable to be miserable and anxious at work? Its not and its not normal and its not ok. She needs to find a job she doesnt hate.

I deplore this mindset that we have to be miserable to be successful. You dont. By allowing her to put in notice and quit and encouraging her to find something else, you are teaching her that she is in charge of her own happiness. While its not easy, as adults we have the right to decide we dont like our life and to change it. She can to.

Social anxiety is absolute misery. While I grew out of it as an adult, there are few things worse than panicking every time you have to talk to someone new. The adults around me told me not to sweat it, at best, or told me to suck it up, at worst, and so it wasn't until I was in my 20s that I realized there's a real medical diagnosis for what I experienced. And there's definitely help out there!


But again, the OP's daughter is working in a grocery store in a pandemic as a teenager. There's a whole lot of stress that even older folks are struggling with managing. It must be extra challenging for a shy teenage who hasn't yet mastered self regulation and stress management.
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Old 02-09-2021, 02:18 PM
 
Location: Fort Lauderdale, Florida
11,408 posts, read 10,152,527 times
Reputation: 25399
Why are you and the daughter working in the same place?

I wouldn't want to work with a parent. That would give me anxiety.
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Old 02-09-2021, 04:22 PM
 
3,650 posts, read 1,295,234 times
Reputation: 9448
Quote:
Originally Posted by OPRFmama View Post
Not saying your daughter has this or any other specific condition, but never a bad idea for her to have someone to talk to who might be able to either recognize something in her, or at least help her with coping strategies and tools she will need as an adult very soon.
Absolutely. We get so many people here who say they are outcasts, or know people who are outcasts, and sometimes it's because they did not and do not learn social skills. Not everyone is "born with it" or easily learns it early on (for various reasons). But not learning later in life, either, puts a person at a disadvantage-- in this case specifically, OP's daughter may become a doormat for people if she can't speak up for herself, or if she can't talk to strangers, may end up unable to call maintenance if her heat goes out in winter, or something.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Katnan View Post
I remember back to my first job in a drugstore and regularly coming home to regale/complain about the things customers expected, rightly or wrongly, so much so that I still remember a few to this day, over 30 years later.
Yup, and am nice to people who work service jobs! I think everyone should have to do it...


Quote:
Originally Posted by LO28SWM View Post
Why would you want to teach your child that its acceptable to be miserable and anxious at work? Its not and its not normal and its not ok. She needs to find a job she doesnt hate..
But that's not what people are saying OP should do. OP didn't say their daughter can't handle the work, can't handle rude customers, etc. She is frustrated simply because she cannot speak up and say "excuse me" when she needs to pass people, which is a life skill she needs to learn one way or the other.
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