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Old 02-09-2021, 05:52 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mitopcat View Post
My daughter and I got a job at a local grocery store on the weekends. We were work in the same department but different times of the day. The last couple of days, her day has ended in tears and wants to quit working for them.

My daughter is 16, she will be 17 in April. We have talked about it and she has told me it's mostly due to the customers at the store. She gets high extreme frustration and anxiety when they stand around in the isle and don't move, she has to stand and wait until they do.

I am OK that she wants to quit working there; she doesn't need to work right now and she is still in school. I wanted her to work and learn a little about life that happens outside. I am really concerned about the frustration and anxiety she has displayed while working, and what she told me afterward.

I wanted to ask the parenting forum if I should be concerned about this? I had a quick phone call with my mom and she told me it is her call if she wants to quit. While I agree, she didn't mention anything about my concern. I feel as a parent I should address this. My mom, however, was telling me it was me projecting, and it was how I would handle it.

I don't know what to do. I understand that people learn these experiences through life. I feel if I agree she should quit to never experience that again, she won't have any way to learn from it and will always want to quit if she has to deal with other people.
I think you may be jumping the gun.

First, I think it's more important for her to be devoting all her energy to school right now. This will really backfire on you if she loves a job and starts to blow off school.

Second, she doesn't need to know about life yet. The only reason for her to work is if she really, really wants money, and even then it's debatable whether it's a good idea.

Third, the best was to learn about "life" is to not be with your parents. Your working there undermines that.

Fourth, you're wrong about it teaching her to quit. This is only one experience, and certainly part of life is also knowing when to quit. Also, she didn't even pick the job. If you work there, then obviously she got it through you. She's more than entitled to quit something that she was pushed into by someone else.

Fifth, I suspect the best thing to come out of this is that she may realize that it behooves her to do well at school so that she'll have a better pick of jobs later on.
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Old 02-09-2021, 06:10 PM
 
6,674 posts, read 3,117,116 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jobaba View Post
I would be concerned some.

You shouldn't stick with a miserable job (though quitting one is trickier for adults than it seems).

But my reason for concern would be that working at a grocery store is a relatively low stress job and most jobs are significantly more stressful and/or difficult. I worked for a grocery store too when I was a kid.

That said, hard workers and ambitious people and yes men/women don't always end up in a better place.

My brother in law is one of those people who would quit if a job got 'miserable' for him for a stretch and even in his 40s is still aiming for artistic type jobs on his own terms (which to a degree I respect).

Fortunately, he met my sister who makes a lot of money, and even if they split (probably won't), the kids will definitely be taken care of by her, and he had 20 years of good living. Meanwhile, her job, while very high paying and stable, is extremely hard and stressful and she doesn't see her kids all that often.

So yea, you don't always end up in a better place. I have other examples. But ... it's a deep topic...
It is not low stress now though. I think that is the issue. You have to worry about people not following mask mandates, possibly enforce them, and worry about maintaining social distancing while doing your job.
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Old 02-09-2021, 08:12 PM
 
13,752 posts, read 22,650,507 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by charolastra00 View Post
We are still in a pandemic.


It's impossible to get around people in an aisle and maintain distance. At my local grocery stores, aisles are one lane and people - including staff - are expected to wait until the person ahead of them moves in order to maintain distance. Not everyone does it, but that just puts staff more at risk.



I can't imagine how stressful it is for staff to have to be around people who ignore distancing all day.
That wasn't what the OP said though. Covid distancing was not the reason stated.

"I have been working with her on trying to speak up. She has a really hard time talking to people when she needs to. This is why she doesn't say stuff like "excuse me" or "hey, coming up behind you". "
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Old 02-09-2021, 09:38 PM
 
10,117 posts, read 9,436,522 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by K12144 View Post
Absolutely. We get so many people here who say they are outcasts, or know people who are outcasts, and sometimes it's because they did not and do not learn social skills. Not everyone is "born with it" or easily learns it early on (for various reasons). But not learning later in life, either, puts a person at a disadvantage-- in this case specifically, OP's daughter may become a doormat for people if she can't speak up for herself, or if she can't talk to strangers, may end up unable to call maintenance if her heat goes out in winter, or something.

Yup, and am nice to people who work service jobs! I think everyone should have to do it...

But that's not what people are saying OP should do. OP didn't say their daughter can't handle the work, can't handle rude customers, etc. She is frustrated simply because she cannot speak up and say "excuse me" when she needs to pass people, which is a life skill she needs to learn one way or the other.
All good points.

One example from my drugstore job at 16, as someone not at all assertive or outspoken, was having to tell a senior, the first customer of the day, that he could not pay for the newspaper with a $100 bill. He demanded to know why not and I told him the float in the till was only $100 dollars. He insisted and I had to explain that giving him the whole float would leave us with no money to make change. He finally relented and pulled out what looked to be at least $5 in change from his pocket and threw the 50 cents across the counter at me. That was a very early lesson I still vividly recall, from 1988. I didn’t know I had it in me. Fortunately I outgrew that as the years went by, and it started that day.
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Old 02-10-2021, 12:36 AM
 
Location: Boca Raton, FL
5,813 posts, read 9,449,423 times
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Smile First job

As a parent, my children knew my own work history and the long hours behind that story.

When our daughter was 14, almost 15, she really wanted a job. She brought it up to us when we were eating out one night at a restaurant so we discussed it.

We talked about the responsibility and that she needed to stay there 1 year to show how committed she was as she wanted to save up for a car.

It was a yogurt place (TCBY) and I think we worried more than she did. The place closed at 10 PM and the staff had to stay and clean for the hour afterwards. My husband was always there in the parking lot waiting for her to walk out.

So many things could have happened but thankfully, I think it was a good learning experience. We did have a few nights with tears and she did learn from it.

What was interesting also was that high school friends would come in and try to get this or that free and she couldn't do that. That showed character and she learned who to trust.

She really got to see the real word and her next job was at a golf course in the pro shop (she loved it there).

Our son stayed at his first job just over a year also but he was 16 1/2 when he started there.

It's really eye opening to these young people when they have to work with the public.

Today, I'm amazed at both of them and their good work ethic. They make sure they complete the job. My son is working with me now and he is invaluable and has taught me a thing or two.
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Old 02-10-2021, 08:38 AM
 
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Hmm. My daughter is quite a bit younger than yours at 7, but she's the shy type, and she also doesn't just speak up when she should. We try to push her to do so at a young age so that she will be more prepared as she gets older and goes out into the world.


I think I would tell your daughter than she can't quit until she has another job lined up, but that she should consider staying with her current job to see if it gets better or she learns to cope with the daily situations better. I would remind her that you work at the same place so she has someone who has her back there, and can stick up for her, which is something she wouldn't have at another job.


I'd also set proper expectations... this is a part time job in a time of her life where she has very little real responsibility. She should know that nothing about this job is worth stressing over in the grand scheme of things, but it IS a good opportunity for her to learn and grow as a person. She will have many jobs over the course of her life that she won't like, she needs to get used to it, and what better way than working at the same place as your mom to feel a bit more secure?
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Old 02-10-2021, 04:35 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Katnan View Post
All good points.

One example from my drugstore job at 16, as someone not at all assertive or outspoken, was having to tell a senior, the first customer of the day, that he could not pay for the newspaper with a $100 bill. He demanded to know why not and I told him the float in the till was only $100 dollars. He insisted and I had to explain that giving him the whole float would leave us with no money to make change. He finally relented and pulled out what looked to be at least $5 in change from his pocket and threw the 50 cents across the counter at me. That was a very early lesson I still vividly recall, from 1988. I didn’t know I had it in me. Fortunately I outgrew that as the years went by, and it started that day.
I had a few of those days (my high-school job was at McDonald's, oh joy).
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Old 02-10-2021, 04:48 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by K12144 View Post
I had a few of those days (my high-school job was at McDonald's, oh joy).
It wasn’t easy, that’s for sure, especially when you’re taught that the customer is always right (even if they’re wrong, they’re right), and that you are to respect your elders.

I also agree with Katana’s reply about sticking with the job. 16 is two years from college age, so it is not too early to learn to speak up and handle situations.
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Old 02-10-2021, 07:18 PM
 
Location: Central IL
18,031 posts, read 11,162,152 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LO28SWM View Post
I dont know if maybe Im younger or from a different area or what (im not that young btw) but I dont agree with any of the advice given.

I still remember my first jobs. I also have some new 1st job teenagers at home. I am not outgoing, i have a fair amount of social anxiety. I have worked in many different jobs. I worked in fast food I worked in food service i work in construction now, I delivered newspapers ( as an adult and made good money) i did telemarketing I worked in retail.

My mother and my sister worked in restaurants as a waitress. It seemed like the logical step for me. But from day 1 of working there I was anxious all the time, I was flustered, I was overwhelmed and I would almost have panic attacks. Working as a waitress was to anxiety causing for me. I have never had that problem in any other lines of work. Just waitress.

The teen in question should not have to deal with constant anxiety and frustration at work everyday. Think about everything you ever hated about a job and how much you hated having to deal with whatever was the problem. But you kept the job because you needed the money to care for your family. People stay miserable in their jobs for decades because they want to get a paycheck.

Why would you want to teach your child that its acceptable to be miserable and anxious at work? Its not and its not normal and its not ok. She needs to find a job she doesnt hate.

I deplore this mindset that we have to be miserable to be successful. You dont. By allowing her to put in notice and quit and encouraging her to find something else, you are teaching her that she is in charge of her own happiness. While its not easy, as adults we have the right to decide we dont like our life and to change it. She can to.
There is no expectation at all that this teenager work this job permanently, or even a year or for 6 months. But, it has pointed out something she will need to work on (social skills/assertiveness), and a teenager's first job is about as "low stakes" as it gets. It may FEEL very stressful, and it is, but in the bigger scheme of things it is nothing.

What counts is how she learns to deal with it with help from both a parent AND the employer. No one says you have to keep a crappy job forever...but you have to "work" your way out of it to something better - not just quit and blindly hope for another chance. Dad says she wants to quit but isn't planning for another job - you have to get back on that horse because it will only get worse, otherwise.
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Old 02-12-2021, 09:54 AM
 
Location: NJ
1,618 posts, read 606,706 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63 View Post
There is no expectation at all that this teenager work this job permanently, or even a year or for 6 months. But, it has pointed out something she will need to work on (social skills/assertiveness), and a teenager's first job is about as "low stakes" as it gets. It may FEEL very stressful, and it is, but in the bigger scheme of things it is nothing.

What counts is how she learns to deal with it with help from both a parent AND the employer. No one says you have to keep a crappy job forever...but you have to "work" your way out of it to something better - not just quit and blindly hope for another chance. Dad says she wants to quit but isn't planning for another job - you have to get back on that horse because it will only get worse, otherwise.
I was more referring to the people who were saying when I got a job it meant I had to keep it, or quitting a job or miserable at is just being a quitter, or I had to keep my first job for a year.

Thats simply not right or necessary for a teenager to be miserable. I am not an assertive person at all, I prefer to not confront people and I definitely wait a moment or 2 longer than I should for slow people to get out of the way at the grocery store.

The point I was making (possibly unclearly) is that there IS something she will enjoy and wont stress her out. There is no reason she cant look for a job that doesn't stress her out. This is her 1st job, she is only 16 and she has no responsibility to have a job other than for pocket money. She is not blindly quitting either, she is going to put in the proper notice.

Perhaps her parent should speak to her about other fields that might benefit her skill set and help her find and apply for those positions instead. No reason to let her give up on having a job. But if she is miserable then she deserves the right to change her circumstances. And as a teenager, social awkwardness is very stressful IN THE BIG SCHEME. Thats why children have breakdowns and contributes to high suicide rates, they are over stressed already with school and activities.

Perhaps looking for part time work in a clothing shop, as a help at a book store or a library or back of house work where there arent customers. It is ok to be the person you are without being forced to change to a more outgoing or assertive person. Sometimes I turn around and go to a different aisle and circle back if there are too many people. I live a perfectly normal life, I am married with children and have a lucrative career.
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