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Old Yesterday, 07:05 AM
 
Location: Vermont
2,930 posts, read 1,014,278 times
Reputation: 4374

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What a bunch of drama - way too much for 14 yr olds, for sure.

I'm not clear on the holding hands scenario, but if my son had said this to me, after being asked to NOT hold hands with someone's 14 yr old daughter, "yep, because we all know that holding hands in the produce section automatically leads to pregnancy. In fact, I probably can't look at her in case there is something called eye sperm". (no he didn't say this to the dad, he said it to me tonight) I would have ripped him a new one. How disrespectful and indicative of an entitled attitude. THEY ARE 14!!

"You two can see each other at our house when I am here to chaperone." Period.
Unless her parents are willing to do the same, you can't go over to her house to 'hang out' either.
You need to speak to her parents about this situation and set some boundaries. You are his mother.
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Old Yesterday, 07:29 AM
 
Location: Vermont
2,930 posts, read 1,014,278 times
Reputation: 4374
BTW. this is in the 'non-romantic relationship' thread, when you yourself describe it as a romance.
Probably could also go in the PARENTING thread.
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Old Yesterday, 07:48 AM
 
8,987 posts, read 13,006,808 times
Reputation: 21553
Quote:
Originally Posted by Riley. View Post
BTW. this is in the 'non-romantic relationship' thread, when you yourself describe it as a romance.
That's because this is about the OP's relationship with the other child's parents, not the romantic relationship of the kids themselves.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Riley. View Post
Probably could also go in the PARENTING thread.
Definitely.
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Old Yesterday, 08:36 AM
 
750 posts, read 276,215 times
Reputation: 2965
I'm not clear on the whole dog angle of this. I saw the thread title and it interested me until I started reading all the dog part. It's too confusing.
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Old Yesterday, 09:26 AM
 
Location: Portal to the Pacific
7,038 posts, read 6,353,281 times
Reputation: 9511
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sundaydrive00 View Post
I'm just trying to figure out why a bunch of 14 year olds are being dropped off at the grocery store. Why the grocery store? Are they responsible for each of their families shopping? Grocery stores are not a hang out place for kids. It seems obnoxious for the store employees and customers to have to deal with a bunch of kids running around the store.

Otherwise, it seems like the OP is taking things way to personally. I'm sure the girl's parents would want to meet the parents of any boy she was dating. There is nothing "dirty" or wrong about her parents wanting to know the parents of those she spends time with and knowing whose house she will be spending time with.
You are right. I don't have many social interactions with people as they make me anxious.

There is seating outside the grocery store. The community doesn't mind the 14 year olds. They only begin to post on facebook when the heroin addicts show up.
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Old Yesterday, 09:29 AM
 
Location: Portal to the Pacific
7,038 posts, read 6,353,281 times
Reputation: 9511
Quote:
Originally Posted by rrah View Post
You're taking the word of two 14 year olds as accurate about the timing of the visit. I suspect that the girl's parents told her "Hey, we can't take you there until at least 2:45." She hears 2:45 and tells your son that time or your son hears 2:45 and tells you that time.

I also suspect you made your mind up about these parents before ever meeting them or you projected your frustration about the dog situation on strangers.

BTW--who is making cakes and inviting strangers into their home right now?
I definitely suspect having 14 year olds as middle men could have caused this.

As for making cakes and inviting strangers... wasn't what I had planned to do... it was a spur of a moment decisions when my son said I had to meet her in order for all of them to be allowed in the house... and I wanted to be a gracious hostess if I needed to become one.

My grandmother taught my mom to have a 45 minute cake recipe for sudden guests and I remembered it.

Also they aren't strangers. We know who they are even if we haven't met in person yet.
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Old Yesterday, 09:34 AM
 
Location: Portal to the Pacific
7,038 posts, read 6,353,281 times
Reputation: 9511
Quote:
Originally Posted by Riley. View Post
What a bunch of drama - way too much for 14 yr olds, for sure.

I'm not clear on the holding hands scenario, but if my son had said this to me, after being asked to NOT hold hands with someone's 14 yr old daughter, "yep, because we all know that holding hands in the produce section automatically leads to pregnancy. In fact, I probably can't look at her in case there is something called eye sperm". (no he didn't say this to the dad, he said it to me tonight) I would have ripped him a new one. How disrespectful and indicative of an entitled attitude. THEY ARE 14!!

"You two can see each other at our house when I am here to chaperone." Period.
Unless her parents are willing to do the same, you can't go over to her house to 'hang out' either.
You need to speak to her parents about this situation and set some boundaries. You are his mother.
We set boundaries.

-Open door
-Checking in every half hour
-Messages to parents every hour
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Old Yesterday, 09:38 AM
 
Location: Northern Virginia
2,865 posts, read 1,100,756 times
Reputation: 6877
OP should clearly have scheduled a Zoom call with the parents. Put together a Powerpoint about the virtues of her son as well as an analysis of the relationship between her son and the daughter as well as a proposed strategy on how to manage said relationship. Naturally there would need to be a Covid mitigation protocol included in that. I think that would be a good jumping off point for a lasting business relationship.
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Old Yesterday, 09:41 AM
 
Location: Portal to the Pacific
7,038 posts, read 6,353,281 times
Reputation: 9511
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zoisite View Post
If your child told you that about the dad then he is being cocky and entirely disrespectful and making a mockery of that girl's dad. And he feels okay to make cocky comments like that about the dad to you, so he doesn't have much respect for you either and it doesn't sound like you set him straight about it. Does your son really think the girl's dad won't have picked up on your son's attitude of control, disrespect and mockery? If your boy thinks he can get away with that disrespectful attitude about the girl's dad he is only fooling himself.

If the girl's parents have any say in the matter about their daughter I don't think the relationship between those two children is going to last much longer. The dad will be grounding his daughter and telling your son to stay away from his daughter.

The father most likely told those two 14 y.o. children to stop holding hands in the grocery store because that's what he's required to do because those are the Covid 19 restrictions in stores and in other public places. NO PHYSICAL CONTACT of any kind with other people.

Don't you and your son know anything about what the social distancing regulations and correct social behaviour are in public places during a pandemic?

Both of your families (yes, including both sets of adults too) have been disregarding and ignoring a lot of the social distancing guidelines and how to safely conduct theirselves in public places and other people's homes. Children and parents socializing and chaperoning in places like grocery stores puts them and everyone else there at risk.

Your son is controlling you and he and his girlfriend have both been pressuring and manipulating the parents on both sides. He's a 14 year old child who tells you what to do and is calling the shots and you're letting him do it. Next time he tells you that he has made an appointment for you with a stranger coming to your home without consulting you about it ahead of time tell him no.

.
That would be great. I didn't date until college and I only dated 2 guys before choosing one to marry (I had two proposals).

As for the Covid stuff... don't know where you are, who you are, etc..

But things have opened up considerably around here... public schools have begun some in-person learning, athletic teams are competing with spectators, indoor dining, pools, museums, etc, coffee shops have outdoor seating, including the grocery stores. If they didn't or couldn't offer seating they would remove the chairs.
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Old Yesterday, 09:43 AM
 
Location: Portal to the Pacific
7,038 posts, read 6,353,281 times
Reputation: 9511
Quote:
Originally Posted by Veritas Vincit View Post
OP should clearly have scheduled a Zoom call with the parents. Put together a Powerpoint about the virtues of her son as well as an analysis of the relationship between her son and the daughter as well as a proposed strategy on how to manage said relationship. Naturally there would need to be a Covid mitigation protocol included in that. I think that would be a good jumping off point for a lasting business relationship.
I was going to try to win everyone over with chocolate cake, but I absolutely think the parents would totally go for parts of this.....

Should I mention our net worth and what our son is to inherit? I could line item our assets and submit our tax returns for cross referencing... have our financial advisors submit growth projections for our investments... real estate appreciation on our 3 properties... submit a certified copy of the inventory on my mom's estate (I will receive half later in the year)....

Jez, I totally blew this opportunity. I was only offering cake....
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