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Old 02-15-2021, 04:38 PM
 
Location: USA
1,616 posts, read 541,282 times
Reputation: 4281

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You and your son sound like peas in a pod. Congratulations.
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Old 02-15-2021, 05:00 PM
 
14,492 posts, read 9,206,445 times
Reputation: 28950
Quote:
Originally Posted by WorldKlas View Post
We didn’t text then, but I certainly wouldn’t have agreed to send check in texts to parents with a daughter visiting my house. Sure, if a parent had texted me just to verify I was home and all was calm, I would have been fine with that. But nobody has the right to determine how you manage visitors in your home.
It seems like the OP was the one who suggested text updates while the girl was over, but her parents said that wasn't necessary.
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Old 02-15-2021, 05:32 PM
 
Location: Portal to the Pacific
7,052 posts, read 6,366,637 times
Reputation: 9571
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lillie767 View Post
You and your son sound like peas in a pod. Congratulations.
(shrugging shoulders)

Sure. Fine.

I bet if you told a few stories I could find something to judge you by too.
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Old 02-15-2021, 05:36 PM
 
Location: Portal to the Pacific
7,052 posts, read 6,366,637 times
Reputation: 9571
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sundaydrive00 View Post
It seems like the OP was the one who suggested text updates while the girl was over, but her parents said that wasn't necessary.
That’s true. I asked for suggestions and I threw out a couple to see how they reacted. According to feedback from yesterday I did a good job. Parents are happy. Daughter is happy.

All’s well ends well.

Don’t like having to alter how I operate in my own house but it’s my choice to go along with it. There is no gun pointing at my head, just my son’s relationship...
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Old 02-15-2021, 06:01 PM
 
Location: Kalamalka Lake, B.C.
3,204 posts, read 4,446,067 times
Reputation: 4214
Default girls were bigger than me at 14

Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
I'm sorry, I can't make heads or tails of the original post. Or the second one. Are you ok?
my grandfather introduced me to all the neighbourhood babes, but they were farm girls and could throw me across the barn. And did. Plus I'd bring them home any way. My parents and grand parents were so cool. Hey, if they're inside your home you know where they are. Children, it's 2 a.m.; do you know where your PARENTS are??
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Old 02-15-2021, 06:39 PM
 
Location: Portal to the Pacific
7,052 posts, read 6,366,637 times
Reputation: 9571
Quote:
Originally Posted by thedwightguy View Post
my grandfather introduced me to all the neighbourhood babes, but they were farm girls and could throw me across the barn. And did. Plus I'd bring them home any way. My parents and grand parents were so cool. Hey, if they're inside your home you know where they are. Children, it's 2 a.m.; do you know where your PARENTS are??
Sounds like my kind of place!
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Old 02-16-2021, 03:35 AM
Status: "Only the most loved have a place on my cap" (set 23 days ago)
 
1,028 posts, read 304,967 times
Reputation: 1079
Sounds like she has overbearing parents. Parents don't think she is ready for a boyfriend and are afraid of the extreme of what that means at that age.
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Old 02-16-2021, 07:22 AM
 
Location: Vermont
2,958 posts, read 1,025,944 times
Reputation: 4445
Quote:
Originally Posted by flyingsaucermom View Post
I said in the beginning that times are different now. And they were different for my parents (Boomers). I've been a lot more interactive with my kids and concerned about areas of development in ways that my boomer parents weren't. This is not to say they were wrong, but as a collective parents today simply have more education and knowledge of growth and development than in previous generations.

It would be incredibly inaccurate to say I take a "completely hands off approach"... not when I bake a cake, clear my schedule (except for the dying dog... which did die overnight BTW...) and put on matching socks in the event that the mom might accept my invitation to come inside (had she come to the door).

My son and I are becoming friends. The mommy stage is over. He doesn't want that anymore. He wants someone who he can be honest and real with. He wants a safe judgement-free environment where he can vent. Sometimes opportunities are created where I can guide him too. But no getting around the fact that he's arriving at independence earlier than most kids. He's been consistent like that all his life. He reached developmental milestones very early... sometimes that's the way it is...
Without getting into a back and forth, it was my impression from your first and subsequent posts that you would take a much more relaxed attitude with your son and his girlfriend hanging out. And by 'hands off' I meant letting them socialize unsupervised. (baking a cake, clearing your schedule, or putting on matching socks wasn't what I meant).

I do think it's really important to establish a relationship where you and your son can honestly communicate with one another, but I have always thought that first and foremost, a parent is a 'parent,' and not a friend so much, at least not at 14, whether or not he is arriving at independence earlier than most kids.
His comment to you about his girlfriend's father's request to not hold hands seemed disrespectful and flip. You referred to it as 'gallows humor' (that's not what gallows humor is) and don't seem to have used it as an opportunity to 'guide.'

If it were me, I'd meet the parents in-person (or on Zoom, so you at least know what they look like LOL), discuss the romance and expectations and go from there. I would also educate my son about the importance of birth control, because this is where it might be headed, either with her or another young lady.
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Old 02-16-2021, 09:25 AM
 
Location: Portal to the Pacific
7,052 posts, read 6,366,637 times
Reputation: 9571
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kristinas_Cap View Post
Sounds like she has overbearing parents. Parents don't think she is ready for a boyfriend and are afraid of the extreme of what that means at that age.
I'm sure they don't and are probably struggling that their daughter wants to be my son's girlfriend. Apparently she was pretty forward about it too.

Parents have best of intentions for their daughter. They are her protectors. I understand that.

Usually this doesn't affect other people -me specifically- but gez, how many movies, plays and other theatrical works have been produced covering the subject of in-laws?

TONS!

This is probably just a warm up!
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Old 02-16-2021, 09:32 AM
 
Location: Portal to the Pacific
7,052 posts, read 6,366,637 times
Reputation: 9571
Quote:
Originally Posted by Riley. View Post
Without getting into a back and forth, it was my impression from your first and subsequent posts that you would take a much more relaxed attitude with your son and his girlfriend hanging out. And by 'hands off' I meant letting them socialize unsupervised. (baking a cake, clearing your schedule, or putting on matching socks wasn't what I meant).

I do think it's really important to establish a relationship where you and your son can honestly communicate with one another, but I have always thought that first and foremost, a parent is a 'parent,' and not a friend so much, at least not at 14, whether or not he is arriving at independence earlier than most kids.
His comment to you about his girlfriend's father's request to not hold hands seemed disrespectful and flip. You referred to it as 'gallows humor' (that's not what gallows humor is) and don't seem to have used it as an opportunity to 'guide.'

If it were me, I'd meet the parents in-person (or on Zoom, so you at least know what they look like LOL), discuss the romance and expectations and go from there. I would also educate my son about the importance of birth control, because this is where it might be headed, either with her or another young lady.
Expectations have already been established. Phone numbers exchanged.

We clearly have a difference in what is important in relationships with our children. That's fine. Not judging you.. but in my own home my son is free to vent his frustrations however he sees fit. If your children have limitations in your home that's for you to figure out with them.

See how this works?

This is why I don't talk about parenting. We just are.. different... let's celebrate our "diversity in perspectives" (said with the fakest upper middle class mommy voice)....

And not talk about this with each other anymore... yeah?
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