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Old 02-16-2021, 09:48 AM
 
Location: Vermont
3,016 posts, read 1,046,912 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by flyingsaucermom View Post
Expectations have already been established. Phone numbers exchanged.

We clearly have a difference in what is important in relationships with our children. That's fine. Not judging you.. but in my own home my son is free to vent his frustrations however he sees fit. If your children have limitations in your home that's for you to figure out with them.

See how this works?

This is why I don't talk about parenting. We just are.. different... let's celebrate our "diversity in perspectives" (said with the fakest upper middle class mommy voice)....

And not talk about this with each other anymore... yeah?
Perfect!!!
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Old 02-16-2021, 10:45 AM
 
2,286 posts, read 1,147,677 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by flyingsaucermom View Post
Maybe there are a few concerned parents keeping their teens home under lock and key, but that's clearly not the norm in my upper middle class neighborhood. Though I would be willing to bet there are parents that make statements like yours, with a virtuous tone, that nonetheless routinely let their kids out.. only with their "pods" of course...

Because that's the managerial class's way of making teenage social gathering okay...

So, let me be the virtuous, upper middle class mommy and say that my brilliant well-behaved children gather with their pods on occasion.

On the other hand... my son plays elite soccer and his team has 25 kids on it... and they've started competing so he's coming into physical contact with another 11 boys, from a completely different geographic location, each week now.
Nice! I understand what Upper Class Neighborhood is but I'm clueless on Elite Soccer. What's elite soccer? How does it differ from normal soccer? TIA!
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Old 02-16-2021, 11:21 AM
 
Location: Portal to the Pacific
7,073 posts, read 6,388,268 times
Reputation: 9634
Quote:
Originally Posted by SanyBelle View Post
Nice! I understand what Upper Class Neighborhood is but I'm clueless on Elite Soccer. What's elite soccer? How does it differ from normal soccer? TIA!
It just means he’s in the top tier of the state. There are different kinds of programs.... recreational, select and premier and then often, but especially at the premier level, there is stratification within the level itself. So my son, for example, not only plays premier, but is on the top team within his premier club (there are three), and is also captain, which I guess is equivalent to being “head of the class”. It means he very likely will play through college, with a partial or full scholarship. It means he could possibly become professional, but that’s a longer shot. Still he’s really good at it... he wants to study sports management in college and become a coach even if can’t quite become a professional player.

We will see. The real amazing thing is he only started in fall of 2018. It’s unusual for a kid to develop so quickly at a relatively late age (he was as 11). It’s been leaps and bounds for the last 2.5 years. Not sure when he’ll flatten out.

Big change for the whole family. I don’t fall into this category but I understand why there is such a thing as a soccer mom stereo type.
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Old 02-16-2021, 11:37 AM
 
Location: NJ
1,647 posts, read 619,295 times
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We have a 16 year old who is very into girls. Hes almost 17. He has not gone all the way but his triplet brother has. He lives with us, his triplet brother lives with their mom.

We let him go places with girlfriend and go to her house and is supervised by her parents. I feel better if my son is with his girlfriends parents at their home because they always supervise closely. And I never have to deal with overprotective girl parents
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Old 02-16-2021, 12:31 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in America
13,424 posts, read 12,287,318 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bus man View Post
This, right there, is the stand that I would make. The girl's mother was supposed to be there at 2:45 p.m. Granted, sometimes things come up. But the fact that they were 45 minutes late is on them, not you, OP. You cannot, nor should not, be expected to put your daily life on hold while the girl's mother takes her own sweet time showing up. You do not owe her an explanation as to why you were not home at any time other than when she was due to arrive there. If anything, she owes you an explanation as to why she thought so little of your time that she could show up 45 minutes late -- especially for a first meeting.
I don't wait 45 minutes for anyone. Not even my hematologist! And he's always running late which I forgive because he's also treating cancer patients. Their needs trump mine. But a meeting with a parent? No I'm not waiting 45 minutes for them. I'll give them 5-10 then I'm back doing what I need to do and they can call to reschedule when they have time. Stand me up a second time, there is no reschedule. I don't have time to waste for people who are inconsiderate and demanding. I don't revolve around them. They need to treat others with respect especially when they have demands such as theirs.
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Old 02-17-2021, 09:41 AM
 
1,182 posts, read 719,004 times
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My goodness how did we ever survive through the 70's and 80's. Parents had no idea what any of us latch key kids were doing.

I digress, good job OP. Some of my regrets with my kids was over-managing them when they were growing up. I tried to give them the freedom my wife and I had. Over all they turned out just fine.
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Old 02-17-2021, 09:49 PM
 
685 posts, read 730,673 times
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I also have a 14yo son and I think you did fine, OP, and I'm a bit surprised at the pearl-clutching about him making a comment on what the Dad said. If he had actually said it to the Dad, yes, that would be disrespectful, but judging a teenager as entitled for doing a verbal eyeroll in private to their mother about something an adult said that they thought was a bit OTT? Come on.
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Old 02-18-2021, 11:43 AM
 
3,803 posts, read 3,818,287 times
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I'm a parent of a boy (13) and a girl (soon to be 12) in middle school. My first thought when reading this thread was why they were expecting updates from you. I know you offered, but I would be texting my kid every 25 minutes and expecting updates from her, not her boyfriend's mom. The fact that they need updates every 30 minutes tells me that they aren't ready to allow her to be at your house. If anything happens, it will be your fault(and your son too)...not hers, because it's on you to update.

I got the sarcasm about the elite soccer...here we call it club. My son plays rec, and so does my daughter. In fact, she starts a new season on Saturday.
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Old 02-18-2021, 02:43 PM
 
129 posts, read 106,186 times
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As the mother of a 13 year old girl, the issue is they don’t know you. You say you don’t have friends and are not involved in the upper middle class community. If they were to ask people in your neighborhood about you, what would they say? Someone “vouching” for another can often take the place of a meeting. I give my kids a lot of freedom but Hades will freeze over before I allow my kid to go to a boys house (or friend’s house for that matter) where I haven’t hung out with the parent/guardian/parents. It is a non issue now since our family only allows our children to socialize outside, 6 ft apart with masks. They played laser tag outside in 30 degrees.

I am guessing this doesn’t apply to you, but you could be a parent that allows them to smoke weed and drink alcohol. They don’t know what leisure activities you take part in. You could have several large and dangerous dogs. The point is they don’t know so they want to meet you to make sure their important, wonderful young person is safe. There is nothing over the top about that.

When we had a sleepover last year for my younger daughter’s birthday there were several families I had not met and were concerned. They could look up our address to see we live in a safe neighborhood but felt better when I said my husband was traveling for work, and other than me, our tween girl would be the only other one home. Also, no pets and I would skip my glass of wine (or two) that night. I did not blame them at all for the questions and was glad that they asked so they felt comfortable.

Also, just a note about the soccer. There are thousands upon thousands of kids just like yours. I teach high school and have seen too many kid’s “careers” ended by an injury. Sometimes kids just stop playing. Many who earn scholarships, their parents spent about the same on elite sports over the years as their scholarship award. We may differ here as well... so few kids earn that payoff at the collegiate and professional level. My girls are in competitive sports to teach them dedication, improve their fitness level and humble them. Just something to think about.
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Old 02-18-2021, 07:32 PM
 
Location: Portal to the Pacific
7,073 posts, read 6,388,268 times
Reputation: 9634
Quote:
Originally Posted by andherewego View Post
As the mother of a 13 year old girl, the issue is they don’t know you. You say you don’t have friends and are not involved in the upper middle class community. If they were to ask people in your neighborhood about you, what would they say? Someone “vouching” for another can often take the place of a meeting. I give my kids a lot of freedom but Hades will freeze over before I allow my kid to go to a boys house (or friend’s house for that matter) where I haven’t hung out with the parent/guardian/parents. It is a non issue now since our family only allows our children to socialize outside, 6 ft apart with masks. They played laser tag outside in 30 degrees.

I am guessing this doesn’t apply to you, but you could be a parent that allows them to smoke weed and drink alcohol. They don’t know what leisure activities you take part in. You could have several large and dangerous dogs. The point is they don’t know so they want to meet you to make sure their important, wonderful young person is safe. There is nothing over the top about that.

When we had a sleepover last year for my younger daughter’s birthday there were several families I had not met and were concerned. They could look up our address to see we live in a safe neighborhood but felt better when I said my husband was traveling for work, and other than me, our tween girl would be the only other one home. Also, no pets and I would skip my glass of wine (or two) that night. I did not blame them at all for the questions and was glad that they asked so they felt comfortable.

Also, just a note about the soccer. There are thousands upon thousands of kids just like yours. I teach high school and have seen too many kid’s “careers” ended by an injury. Sometimes kids just stop playing. Many who earn scholarships, their parents spent about the same on elite sports over the years as their scholarship award. We may differ here as well... so few kids earn that payoff at the collegiate and professional level. My girls are in competitive sports to teach them dedication, improve their fitness level and humble them. Just something to think about.
I don't have friends, but I am widely known. Pre-covid I owned a small business in the community that primarily serviced my specific neighborhood. Additionally I wrote articles for the neighborhood newsletter, organized and operated community events and I admin a popular social media group. The family is from an adjacent neighborhood. Same school district and our school boundaries intersect so we send our youngest learners to their neighborhood school. I also frequently worked in their neighborhood too, but I am only active in my neighborhood's social media groups, not theirs.

Two of our four homes are in this neighborhood. They range in the mid-600k's-upper 700k's. The average is probably $850k and we have a handful above $3.5mm mark, so I suppose with each home we're kind of "ghetto" for the place, but the place itself isn't one where you would need to be concerned about safety.

Large and dangerous dogs ("bully" breeds) aren't permitted per HOA rules.

I do have an 8th month old kitten that's pretty terrorizing.

I have no clue or reason why my son is in competitive soccer... I just know he absolutely loves it and that's good enough for me.

Two glasses of wine a day?
And you felt like you needed to skip them because you were going to meet some parents?

You trying to hide something there?

We never had any sort of alcohol in the house growing up, but curiously my mom died of undisclosed alcoholism a year ago. She drank vodka. My sister and I learned that she put it in a water bottle. She used to tell me she was "hydrating". At the time I was so impressed with her self-care. I just never could measure up. Haha! I wish she were around just so I could give her crap about her lies.

Just something to think about.
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