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Old Yesterday, 09:06 PM
 
Location: Portal to the Pacific
7,028 posts, read 6,346,654 times
Reputation: 9476

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This is just a rant, but feel free to comment

This is not my romance, but my son's The young couple are both 14.

"Back in my day" (haha!) when when had middle school romances we would hang out whenever, where ever we wanted. Small enough community where everywhere was walking distance, but generally we would go to the skating rink (remember those!?), football games, the creek, each other's homes or even met back at school.

Mom's rule: "be home before dark/dinner!".

This is how I've been raising my kids too and it's been pretty smooth. They are good kids.

So this girlfriend has been wanting to come over but mom didn't allow it. They've had to meet at the grocery store or the park because Covid has closed down everything. I shrug my shoulders and stay out of it.

But today has been annoying. First of all, I'm dog sitting for a client that neglected to tell me that they believe one of the dogs is about ready to die. In fact it had been take-it-hour-by-hour over Christmas and then there were a few rough days in January...

So the first two visits yesterday were fine, but I noticed that the oldest dog was not quite right... and this morning... oh gez... very not right... as in your-dog-is-about-to-die not right. I see this about once a year or so... last time happened summer 2019 (the old girl couldn't wait and a family friend, a vet, came and took her to be euthanized before the family got back).. in my experience sometimes people and pets look for a particular opportunity that we can't judge them by. In any case, I called the client and we had a long, real conversation and we will take it visit-by-visit, but there will be no heroics and no zooming home as long as doggy is comfortable. I wish I had had a head's up, but whatever, it's THEIR DOG, THEIR CHOICE...

In truth.. doggy DOES seem comfortable, but a kind of "hospice comfortable" if you've been around a lot of old and dying creatures you know what I mean...

I digress...

So I've got this deathbed doggy situation going on when my son says at 1:55pm "my girlfriend is coming over and so is the mom. At 2:45pm.". I'm like, "Cool! I just cleaned the house nicely this morning... I got time to bake a cake... I can even put on matching socks!".

But 2:45 came and went... so did 3:00 and 3:15 and finally at 3:30 I told my son that I needed to check in on the dogs (they live 2 streets over)....

By the time I left and got back (dog was okay, just asleep) the kids were with my son at the park. I had missed the mom.

Then this weird situation happened... the kids came and stood in front of the doorway, but couldn't come in.. at the same time the mom called me and then I was then put in a conference call with her and her husband. I apologized for my absence, explained the situation and then the mom said, "oh it's a good thing you let me know about the dog, because dogs are really important to me". And then it became this weird thing... like mom said, "well, we don't know you and we barely know your son.. and I was THAT kind of mom that knew all the elementary kids, but now this is middle school boundaries and I don't know you or these new kids". Then dad chimed in "this is our daughter and we are in different times where we need to build trust and a safe environment, etc..." And I said, "Okay, let's get down to the nuts and bolts shall we? You guys tell me your expectations and we'll follow them.. open doors? constant chaperoning? do you want me to text you with an update every half hour?" They said they would like for us to monitor them at least every half hour, keep them on the main floor. Updates not necessary.

Of course I'm updating them.

Mom texted back "we really appreciate it"

I bet you do, mom.. I bet you do....

Now can you guys explain why do I feel so dirty and guilty? Like I'm doing something wrong simply being the mom of a 14 year boy? Or was it because I was checking on the dog when they all arrived and this absence somehow means I intended for there to be a group orgy in my living room? (never mind they were 45 minutes late)

I'm trying to put myself in their shoes. What if I had the girl? What if my daughter was wanting to go over to her boyfriend's home? But honestly.... in this neighborhood... with these uppity, hyper-parenting, type A managerial and professional classes... I wouldn't have had a conference call. I would give my girl a phone and make her call me. And I would call her if I had concerns.

Different strokes for different folks I guess... I'll make sure everyone keeps their clothes on and be pleasant to mom and dad....

But I just want to say that I feel WAY more stressed out by girlfriend's parents hovering over the phone waiting for the next text than I do about handing my client's dying dog.
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Old Yesterday, 10:13 PM
 
3,641 posts, read 1,287,928 times
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I'm confused. Who are these "kids" you refer to? I thought it was your son's girlfriend and the girlfriend's mom who were coming over? So who are the "kids" who were with your son (where was the girlfriend?) and weren't allowed to come into your house? If the girlfriend's mom doesn't trust you or trust her daughter and your son alone, why didn't she stick around until you got home, especially since I presume the intention was to meet you, and surely your son told her you had only run out for a few minutes and why? Why does it matter to the girlfriend's mom that you were dog-sitting?
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Old Yesterday, 10:52 PM
 
Location: Portal to the Pacific
7,028 posts, read 6,346,654 times
Reputation: 9476
Quote:
Originally Posted by K12144 View Post
I'm confused. Who are these "kids" you refer to? I thought it was your son's girlfriend and the girlfriend's mom who were coming over? So who are the "kids" who were with your son (where was the girlfriend?) and weren't allowed to come into your house? If the girlfriend's mom doesn't trust you or trust her daughter and your son alone, why didn't she stick around until you got home, especially since I presume the intention was to meet you, and surely your son told her you had only run out for a few minutes and why? Why does it matter to the girlfriend's mom that you were dog-sitting?
The girlfriend can only visit with my son if she has friends with her, regardless if they are at the grocery store, or park. Mom usually drops daughter (and friends) at grocery store or park.

When I got home from my dog visit my son was gone and I called him. He was at the park with the other kids and he said her mom would call me shortly. We live a few minutes walk from the park so the kids had already reached our front door before mom called me. The kids had to wait outside until the call... mom's orders...

It shouldn't have mattered why I was absent, but I brought it up to define the urgency of my departure as it wasn't something I could push back any longer. I was a little taken back by mom's reaction. I think it really had mattered to her that I wasn't available, but her response indicates that she found my reason acceptable.

I'm glad it's over and they are gone. I vented to my son about it too and we made some gallows humor out of it.. he was telling me how a few weeks ago he had spent the day with her and her family and they were holding hands in the grocery store and her dad told them to stop and my son was like, "yep, because we all know that holding hands in the produce section automatically leads to pregnancy. In fact, I probably can't look at her in case there is something called eye sperm". (no he didn't say this to the dad, he said it to me tonight).

I'm glad he has a sense of humor about it. He says she's worth the annoying parents.

I hope they eventually realize how great he is.
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Old Yesterday, 11:13 PM
 
18,632 posts, read 16,604,283 times
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I'm sorry, I can't make heads or tails of the original post. Or the second one. Are you ok?
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Old Yesterday, 11:33 PM
 
Location: Howard County, Maryland
9,018 posts, read 5,104,340 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by flyingsaucermom View Post
(never mind they were 45 minutes late)
This, right there, is the stand that I would make. The girl's mother was supposed to be there at 2:45 p.m. Granted, sometimes things come up. But the fact that they were 45 minutes late is on them, not you, OP. You cannot, nor should not, be expected to put your daily life on hold while the girl's mother takes her own sweet time showing up. You do not owe her an explanation as to why you were not home at any time other than when she was due to arrive there. If anything, she owes you an explanation as to why she thought so little of your time that she could show up 45 minutes late -- especially for a first meeting.
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Old Today, 12:01 AM
 
Location: Portal to the Pacific
7,028 posts, read 6,346,654 times
Reputation: 9476
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
I'm sorry, I can't make heads or tails of the original post. Or the second one. Are you ok?
LOL I'm fine. Just had two strange and aggravating situations that I didn't expect to be in when I woke up this morning...
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Old Today, 01:07 AM
 
14,481 posts, read 9,188,733 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
I'm sorry, I can't make heads or tails of the original post. Or the second one. Are you ok?
I'm just trying to figure out why a bunch of 14 year olds are being dropped off at the grocery store. Why the grocery store? Are they responsible for each of their families shopping? Grocery stores are not a hang out place for kids. It seems obnoxious for the store employees and customers to have to deal with a bunch of kids running around the store.

Otherwise, it seems like the OP is taking things way to personally. I'm sure the girl's parents would want to meet the parents of any boy she was dating. There is nothing "dirty" or wrong about her parents wanting to know the parents of those she spends time with and knowing whose house she will be spending time with.
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Old Today, 02:46 AM
 
Location: Canada
10,587 posts, read 8,794,464 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by flyingsaucermom View Post

..... he was telling me how a few weeks ago he had spent the day with her and her family and they were holding hands in the grocery store and her dad told them to stop and my son was like, "yep, because we all know that holding hands in the produce section automatically leads to pregnancy. In fact, I probably can't look at her in case there is something called eye sperm". (no he didn't say this to the dad, he said it to me tonight).....
If your child told you that about the dad then he is being cocky and entirely disrespectful and making a mockery of that girl's dad. And he feels okay to make cocky comments like that about the dad to you, so he doesn't have much respect for you either and it doesn't sound like you set him straight about it. Does your son really think the girl's dad won't have picked up on your son's attitude of control, disrespect and mockery? If your boy thinks he can get away with that disrespectful attitude about the girl's dad he is only fooling himself.

If the girl's parents have any say in the matter about their daughter I don't think the relationship between those two children is going to last much longer. The dad will be grounding his daughter and telling your son to stay away from his daughter.

The father most likely told those two 14 y.o. children to stop holding hands in the grocery store because that's what he's required to do because those are the Covid 19 restrictions in stores and in other public places. NO PHYSICAL CONTACT of any kind with other people.

Don't you and your son know anything about what the social distancing regulations and correct social behaviour are in public places during a pandemic?

Both of your families (yes, including both sets of adults too) have been disregarding and ignoring a lot of the social distancing guidelines and how to safely conduct theirselves in public places and other people's homes. Children and parents socializing and chaperoning in places like grocery stores puts them and everyone else there at risk.

Your son is controlling you and he and his girlfriend have both been pressuring and manipulating the parents on both sides. He's a 14 year old child who tells you what to do and is calling the shots and you're letting him do it. Next time he tells you that he has made an appointment for you with a stranger coming to your home without consulting you about it ahead of time tell him no.

.
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Old Today, 06:13 AM
 
Location: Bloomington IN
7,448 posts, read 9,244,424 times
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You're taking the word of two 14 year olds as accurate about the timing of the visit. I suspect that the girl's parents told her "Hey, we can't take you there until at least 2:45." She hears 2:45 and tells your son that time or your son hears 2:45 and tells you that time.

I also suspect you made your mind up about these parents before ever meeting them or you projected your frustration about the dog situation on strangers.

BTW--who is making cakes and inviting strangers into their home right now?
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Old Today, 06:40 AM
 
Location: Greater NYC
3,087 posts, read 5,370,365 times
Reputation: 4296
Quote:
Originally Posted by rrah View Post
You're taking the word of two 14 year olds as accurate about the timing of the visit. I suspect that the girl's parents told her "Hey, we can't take you there until at least 2:45." She hears 2:45 and tells your son that time or your son hears 2:45 and tells you that time.
YES. This was a red flag.

Quote:
Originally Posted by rrah View Post
I also suspect you made your mind up about these parents before ever meeting them or you projected your frustration about the dog situation on strangers.
Also what I gathered by the end by examples given.

Quote:
Originally Posted by rrah View Post
BTW--who is making cakes and inviting strangers into their home right now?
100%. Right? My daughter would not be dating a boy whose family doesn't take these logical precautions seriously and whose son isn't "with it" enough to realize that the hand-holding is about a world pandemic, not potential for sex. This oblivious attitude only confirms that a 14 year old boy is possibly not accurate in his apportionment scheduling.

Last edited by Idlewile; Today at 06:59 AM..
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