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Old 02-15-2021, 06:50 PM
 
695 posts, read 469,446 times
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Hello all . Soon to be dad here.
Would love for my wife to stay home but would look about 45k in salary.
I make about $188k per year and have good union benefits. Guess that salary means nothing unless one knows full financial pictures. My wife has no problem working but also really wants to stay home with our child and second if we’re lucky enough to have.
I’m curious about the benefits of a mother being home with child full time ..I guess diff story once kid goes to school.
Would like to hear from other moms and dads that went though this. Thank you very much .
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Old 02-15-2021, 08:53 PM
 
Location: Bloomington IN
7,462 posts, read 9,271,595 times
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First, consider how much of the $45K will go towards daycare, commuting expenses, work clothing, and even taxes if it puts you in a higher tax bracket.

I worked away from home after our first child was born. I did have summers off because I was a teacher. It made zero financial sense to keep working once our second was born. I would have been paying to work. I ended up staying home with them for 10 years. The benefits for our family and our children were many. I was able to take care of all of the things families with two working parents end up doing on the weekends--shopping, errands, etc. It definitely made my husband's life easier. With the kids, I did all the doctor's visits (expected and unexpected). It was much easier than when I was working full time to schedule those visits or make a quick trip to the doctor with a sick child. I was also able to make sure they had plenty of experiences to stimulate their growing brains, to play with them and create life time memories with them. When they started school I volunteered as needed in their classes and school. I was less tired. My husband was less tired and stressed. It did help that he really wanted one of us to be their raising out kids. He was a latch key kid from about age 8 and hated it. He didn't want that for his children. Overall our life was less chaotic.

I'm not saying working parents can't do this. They can and so. I just made it my "job" to raise two well-adjusted, bright human beings.
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Old 02-15-2021, 08:54 PM
 
10,176 posts, read 6,263,098 times
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If you are mostly concerned about the money, first check into the cost of full-time day care. In my state, it's about $17,000 per year, which means your wife's $45,000 salary will look more like $28,000.

I stayed home with all three of our children and wouldn't have had it any other way. There is no one else who will love your child or care for your child the way you and your wife will. The baby is growing and changing before your eyes, and you can't get that time back later. If you miss it, you miss it. Many other countries offer a full year of leave for a mother with a new infant--it's that important.

Personally, I would recommend staying home for three years if possible. After that time, my children were walking, talking, potty trained, had friends, and were ready to spend a few hours a day with a different caregiver. Some women get "stir crazy" when home with a baby, or are worried about the amount of time they are taking off from their job, and go back sooner, but even in that case I would still encourage them to stay home for at least a year.
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Old 02-16-2021, 03:27 AM
Status: "Only the most loved have a place on my cap" (set 27 days ago)
 
1,040 posts, read 308,485 times
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I stayed at home with my youngest from age 1 to 2.5, then started working part time when daycare started which I still considered being a sahm because I only worked while school was in session and had the summers off. Only started full time work when youngest started 1st grade and oldest was in 4th.

Best decision ever in my opinion. We didn't worry about money, just made it work. Yes things were tight at times but we survived and recouperated financially.

They are only little once, enjoy it.
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Old 02-16-2021, 01:26 PM
 
7,977 posts, read 3,746,385 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mstrlucky74 View Post
Hello all . Soon to be dad here.
Would love for my wife to stay home but would look about 45k in salary.
I make about $188k per year and have good union benefits. Guess that salary means nothing unless one knows full financial pictures. My wife has no problem working but also really wants to stay home with our child and second if we’re lucky enough to have.
I’m curious about the benefits of a mother being home with child full time ..I guess diff story once kid goes to school.
Would like to hear from other moms and dads that went though this. Thank you very much .

Here's the question about your post. You haven't mentioned what your wife wants to do.



She might want to stay home. If so, that would be great.



She might want to keep working. If so, that would be great, too.
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Old 02-16-2021, 05:22 PM
 
695 posts, read 469,446 times
Reputation: 153
Thank you so much all for the responses.
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Old 02-21-2021, 03:43 PM
 
20,410 posts, read 8,066,836 times
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I was a SAHM, and had many friends in the community who are also SAHMs. The thing is, when you've got one parent keeping the home fires burning, everyone has more time. Saturdays don't all have to be used up running around doing errands and housework and lawn maintenance. There's someone who can take the kids to the doc and take the cars to get inspected and repaired. There's someone who's not drop dead exhausted at the end of the day, and the working partner can afford to relax when he/she comes home instead of immediately picking up half cooking/child care duty.

Those were the best years of my life, and my relationships with the other women in playgroups the deepest most meaningful ones, that I still maintain.

If she wants to stay home as you say she does, it's likely she'll feel the same way. And won't go to her grave in her old age wishing she had spent more time with the children and less time earning money for merchandise you don't really need.

Best wishes!
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Old Yesterday, 08:42 AM
 
695 posts, read 469,446 times
Reputation: 153
Quote:
Originally Posted by gingertea View Post
If being a one-income family is in your plan, I have a few suggestions:
  • Put her in charge of the household finances.
  • Contribute the annual maximum to an IRA in her name only.
  • Update your insurance policies, wills, and durable powers of attorney.
We are doing a deep dive on our financial situation right now. Probably need to talk to financial advisor.
In a nutshell

$750k in our retirement accounts
Own two homes one worth $400k and the other $500k. Both about 50% paid off.
All other debt around $55k
I’m 46 yikes
She’s 41.
Late start having kids but my wife had lukemia which put things on hold for quite a while.

Good thing is my union benefits will cover my children up to 26 if in school even if I’m retired
I’d really like to retire at about 63.
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Old Yesterday, 08:53 AM
 
Location: Coastal Georgia
41,333 posts, read 51,166,618 times
Reputation: 71553
Besides the cost of daycare, you’d save on gas, clothing and lunches. It would probably almost be a wash.
There is such peace of mind in knowing that someone is at home taking care of business. Mom is there when the kids are sick. Mom is there to supervise and keep the home running smoothly.

Of course, OPs wife is just trading a 9-5 job for a 24/7 job, so she has to want to.
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Old Yesterday, 09:38 AM
 
11,693 posts, read 4,624,386 times
Reputation: 26812
I have one suggestion...maybe 2.


First, plan date nights. Your wife would be going from lots of socialization, to practically zero. It will take its toll.


Second, find some way to be "hands on" with the baby. Something your wife can count on. Like, it's your job to feed the baby Mondays and Fridays or something. Iron it out between the 2 of you. It benefits you (even though you might be tired, etc.) because it'll bond you and the child, and it'll benefit your wife, knowing that you're hands on, and not leaving it all to your wife. (Yes, even though she's SAHM.)
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