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Old 02-27-2021, 06:22 PM
 
Location: In a George Strait Song
6,376 posts, read 4,540,827 times
Reputation: 8918

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Quote:
Originally Posted by MINAKOS View Post
We can't even get a counsellor to see him, he'd have to do it himself, which he never would. I've tried talking to him before about his mental health (his anger problems), but he ended up lashing out at me and saying that I must be the one with mental problems, so that's not going to happen again. We are all just exhausted from him. Just want him out of the house with as little trouble as possible. I truly think it's the only thing that would "wake him up" to reality, so to speak.
So you agree he has mental health problems, is a drug addict, has no high school diploma, and no motivation.

What exactly do you think is going to happen to him? How will kicking him out of the house “wake him up”? Who is going to hire him? He can’t pass a drug test, has no education, and no skills.

He will end up homeless, starving, and/or have an untimely death.

Are you prepared for that? Are you prepared for your parents blaming themselves for the rest of their lives?

BTW, in Canada, you can get a court order for your brother to be examined by a physician. That seems somewhat kinder to me than kicking him out of the house.
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Old 02-27-2021, 06:37 PM
 
Location: Kalamalka Lake, B.C.
3,228 posts, read 4,456,989 times
Reputation: 4245
You, the original poster, are spending too much time on this thread DEFENDING your younger brother. fyi In Canada at the age of 15.5 a "problem" relation can be shown the door. You don't need an eviction notice. He also is very comfortable in his current dwelling. If a relation EVER, mental health or not, called our mother a b..tch there'd be a FREE RIDE for him, preferably in the trunk, to another city and if I'm feeling REALLY GOOD, a drop off at the Salvation Army. Since you have a "culture" perhaps a one way ticket back to the old home town (preferably in another country) and hope he speaks the language, because he's going to have to adjust. Relatives there? Good. He needs an "adjustment" of his attitude and it isn't going to happen where he is right now. !! (Covid or no covid; no excuses).
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Old 02-27-2021, 06:38 PM
 
Location: The Ozone Layer, apparently...
2,806 posts, read 1,069,570 times
Reputation: 5949
No, a mental label will follow him all his life.

Kick him out. It will be a good lesson in humility. Let him ask to come back, and let him know he cant if he cant have respect for the other family members.

He didnt become what he is on his own. He was taught it. So, now everyone needs a new lesson.

Mom needs to learn that she deserves some respect. It is not a child's place, no matter what age they are, to call her out for being a ***** even if the accusation is justified.

Dad needs to learn that even though he is doing everything right in regard to loving and providing, he also needs to protect.

Who pays for your brother's phone? They need to stop. Adults that work have phones. Adults that dont, go without. New clothes - he needs a job. anything he wants, he needs to earn either by being an amiable member of the family, or getting out and learning on his own that everything he wants he has to work for.

Even his siblings need to learn that he is their brother, and not their adversary.

Tell him he has a week to find a place to stay. In one week, follow through, and tell him its time to go. Help him pack.

I have a friend that had to take this stance with her daughter. They didnt get past the point of helping her pack when her attitude changed for the better.

Be ready to accept him again when he can be a productive member of the family as a whole.

Be ready for the possibility the family could lose him forever.

Growing up is not easy. Sometimes people dont survive it. And, sometimes being left to face reality alone can bring someone out of whatever selfish childish trip they have been on, and they can be accepted back with open arms.

Its all on him. He's a man. Either way, at home or out on his own, he has to learn to stand and show gratitude for everything he has been fortunate enough to be a part of all his life.
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Old 02-27-2021, 06:51 PM
 
7 posts, read 2,382 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by bbtondo View Post
"in my culture, it's completely normal for kids to live with their parents until either marriage or some big career move reason"

Your parents house, not yours. How they deal with their household is their decision. If you don't like it, you move out.

I know lots of "kids" who take advantage of their parents good intentions and act exactly like your brother. Sounds like your parents may be enabling him. Too bad...
I completely agree. This is why I doubt my brother has some mental illness going on. His day to day behaviour exudes pure laziness and taking advantage of a privilege. He just enjoys this lax lifestyle of laziness where he can simply lounge around. He gets defensive and angry whenever any normal, hardworking person tries to "threaten" this lazy and fun lifestyle of his. Probably why he freaks out when he loses games online, as he's not used to not getting his way. My parents' blinds forgiveness enabled him for sure, but finally it'll be time to put an end to this soon. I'm not even the parent and can barely take it anymore.
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Old 02-27-2021, 07:08 PM
 
7 posts, read 2,382 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by calgirlinnc View Post
So you agree he has mental health problems, is a drug addict, has no high school diploma, and no motivation.

What exactly do you think is going to happen to him? How will kicking him out of the house “wake him up”? Who is going to hire him? He can’t pass a drug test, has no education, and no skills.

He will end up homeless, starving, and/or have an untimely death.

Are you prepared for that? Are you prepared for your parents blaming themselves for the rest of their lives?

BTW, in Canada, you can get a court order for your brother to be examined by a physician. That seems somewhat kinder to me than kicking him out of the house.
I don't think he has mental problems (I think he is just a rude/spoiled person) but he is for sure addicted to weed. He does have a high school diploma (did the bare minimum in the end, like can't get into post-secondary with those grades but better than nothing), but yeah, I don't know where he's going in life. However, that is not our problem. If he, as an adult, is deciding to pursue a lazy life without working or even trying, why should that be my parents' fault? They definitely wouldn't blame themselves, as it's not their blame to take. If something were to happen to him, it would be sad, but ultimately it would be due to his own poor choices.

His behaviour leads to my mom dealing with dangerously high blood pressure and I don't want her health to take more hits because of him. If anything, it would be my mother I would lose if my brother can't learn to be decent at home.

Thanks for the court order info, I haven't heard of this and will look into this too.

Quote:
Originally Posted by thedwightguy View Post
You, the original poster, are spending too much time on this thread DEFENDING your younger brother. fyi In Canada at the age of 15.5 a "problem" relation can be shown the door. You don't need an eviction notice. He also is very comfortable in his current dwelling. If a relation EVER, mental health or not, called our mother a b..tch there'd be a FREE RIDE for him, preferably in the trunk, to another city and if I'm feeling REALLY GOOD, a drop off at the Salvation Army. Since you have a "culture" perhaps a one way ticket back to the old home town (preferably in another country) and hope he speaks the language, because he's going to have to adjust. Relatives there? Good. He needs an "adjustment" of his attitude and it isn't going to happen where he is right now. !! (Covid or no covid; no excuses).
I actually feel that most are defending my brother here, thinking he has mental health issues, whereas I'm pointing towards him just being a lazy jerk and asking for how to go about removing him from the house. So because he just lives with the parents, he doesn't need an eviction notice?

And thank you. This is finally a response that's understanding my point. His behaviour, mental illness or not, is not an excuse. Someone just pointed out that if we kick him out, he'll end up dead and that my parents will be at blame. Like, what on earth??? And I had the same reaction when I heard him call mom that. If I was the parent, lord knows he'd have been out the door many years ago, regardless of what would happen to him. You just don't treat your parents like that and get to live with them like a freeloader.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ComeCloser View Post
No, a mental label will follow him all his life.

Kick him out. It will be a good lesson in humility. Let him ask to come back, and let him know he cant if he cant have respect for the other family members.

He didnt become what he is on his own. He was taught it. So, now everyone needs a new lesson.

Mom needs to learn that she deserves some respect. It is not a child's place, no matter what age they are, to call her out for being a ***** even if the accusation is justified.

Dad needs to learn that even though he is doing everything right in regard to loving and providing, he also needs to protect.

Who pays for your brother's phone? They need to stop. Adults that work have phones. Adults that dont, go without. New clothes - he needs a job. anything he wants, he needs to earn either by being an amiable member of the family, or getting out and learning on his own that everything he wants he has to work for.

Even his siblings need to learn that he is their brother, and not their adversary.

Tell him he has a week to find a place to stay. In one week, follow through, and tell him its time to go. Help him pack.

I have a friend that had to take this stance with her daughter. They didnt get past the point of helping her pack when her attitude changed for the better.

Be ready to accept him again when he can be a productive member of the family as a whole.

Be ready for the possibility the family could lose him forever.

Growing up is not easy. Sometimes people dont survive it. And, sometimes being left to face reality alone can bring someone out of whatever selfish childish trip they have been on, and they can be accepted back with open arms.

Its all on him. He's a man. Either way, at home or out on his own, he has to learn to stand and show gratitude for everything he has been fortunate enough to be a part of all his life.
Thank you, perfect answer. My brother doesn't have a phone with service. He has an iPhone and I guess things like iMessage and SnapChat, all via wifi, are enough for him.

For sure. We love him to pieces, but we can't take this anymore. There is constant tension at our home and big fights every other day over this crap. I think I'll advise my mom to give him a month maximum to get a job (it's not easy right now due to covid), and as soon as he does, he'll have another month or so to get out. I think that's plenty of time considering the pandemic (it's very bad in the area we live) to not only get out of here, but to sort things out for himself.
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Old 02-27-2021, 07:33 PM
 
Location: In a George Strait Song
6,376 posts, read 4,540,827 times
Reputation: 8918
Quote:
Originally Posted by MINAKOS View Post
Someone just pointed out that if we kick him out, he'll end up dead and that my parents will be at blame. Like, what on earth??? And I had the same reaction when I heard him call mom that. If I was the parent, lord knows he'd have been out the door many years ago, regardless of what would happen to him. You just don't treat your parents like that and get to live with them like a freeloader.

I didn’t say your parents would be to blame.

I said they would blame themselves.

Big difference.

You are not a parent, and you cannot possibly understand the guilt your parents are already feeling.

But you know, kick him out; as long as you are not inconvenienced anymore, I guess it’s all good.

Mental health issues are not an excuse; they could have possibly been an explanation. BTW, mental health diagnoses are private, at least they are in the US.
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Old 02-27-2021, 07:56 PM
 
Location: Earth
7,309 posts, read 4,584,130 times
Reputation: 5406

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g01_MH5O_J8
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Old 02-27-2021, 09:27 PM
 
Location: planet earth
8,155 posts, read 3,552,593 times
Reputation: 18179
I would call a family meeting, present him with the information that he is going to be evicted and will have six weeks (or whatever you decide) to relocate, after which time his stuff will be placed in the street and the locks will be changed.

Put it in writing, sign it, hand him a copy and post a copy outside his bedroom door.

Look up eviction rules in your city or county so you will know the time frame you have to work with.

Police might be available to come to the house during the move-out process (some locales do this, I have read).

Do not back down.
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Old 02-27-2021, 10:02 PM
 
17,797 posts, read 8,095,177 times
Reputation: 14458
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
I would call a family meeting, present him with the information that he is going to be evicted and will have six weeks (or whatever you decide) to relocate, after which time his stuff will be placed in the street and the locks will be changed.

Put it in writing, sign it, hand him a copy and post a copy outside his bedroom door.

Look up eviction rules in your city or county so you will know the time frame you have to work with.

Police might be available to come to the house during the move-out process (some locales do this, I have read).

Do not back down.

See post #12.
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Old Yesterday, 07:01 AM
 
2,506 posts, read 634,326 times
Reputation: 1488
In MY DAY dad would have popped open a can of whoopass on jr. long ago.
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