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Old 03-02-2021, 11:29 AM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ and Redwood City, CA
11,243 posts, read 7,347,937 times
Reputation: 40597

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shallow Hal View Post
OP, are you still there? Hope that you've clicked on some of the links that could give you a good background on depression. If that's what it is. Even if it isn't I hope you and others on this board open your minds and realize that brains can get sick like any other organ in the body and suffering can manifest itself in ways that are off putting. Actually, even people who are suffering physically are rarely at their best.
Oh, cry me a river.

I think the OP knows his/her sibling much much better than you think you do.
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Old 03-02-2021, 11:32 AM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ and Redwood City, CA
11,243 posts, read 7,347,937 times
Reputation: 40597
Quote:
Originally Posted by kitkatbar View Post
But then, this begs the question... is it really fair that they're kicking their youngest child out of the house, when all their older children (you and your siblings) are being allowed to still live at home rent-free? You have said that you and your other siblings are fine upstanding citizens, and this makes all the difference, but... shrugs. I guess my point is it seems like you're a bit too eager to shove your little brother out into the cold, cruel world for his failure to launch up to this point while you are still living at home, cheerfully eating mommy and daddy's food, and living rent-free yourself. As are all the rest of your siblings.

Quote:
We help around the house, assist with the parents' business, are in the middle of degrees and have jobs, too.

While stoner bro is 0 for 4.
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Old 03-02-2021, 11:56 AM
 
Location: Florida -
9,889 posts, read 12,463,951 times
Reputation: 20644
At 20, with a year of Covid still not yet behind us, many young people (particularly those with limited education and training skills) are depressed and emotionally 'unable' to care for themselves. An equal number of parents 'enable' their actions and attitudes --- until they suddenly get fed-up and want to kick-'em out in the streets to fend for themselves.

In the case of the OP, it sounds like this behavior was tolerated when he dropped-out of high-school ... and started spending his days smoking weed and playing video games. This and disrespect has now become habitual - It will be as difficult to overcome .... as the "co-dependency" of the parents will be difficult to overcome. He has no idea of what to do and how to live on his own and .... for now, believes he has 'entitlement leverage' to keep living in his parent's home, in whatever manner he chooses, ... because that's obviously what he has been told his entire life.

Check out available living arrangements (ie; missions, rehab facilities, etc.). Many areas of the U.S. will use the 'Baker Act' to get unmanageable young people into these facilities. As most adults well know, there is no 'free ride' where the world will tolerate this type of non-working, drug indulgent disrespect for long. A vocational program may be a solution, but that will need to be coupled with required lifestyle changes at home.

Also contact 'intervention specialists' who can help address these issues. Once you know the options, it will be much easier to present him with meaningful ultimatums 'for his own good. Otherwise, suddenly ejecting him from the home is not going to get him (or the family) the necessary help. You didn't state your age, but, unless your parents are ready to simply write him off, the situation remains the entire family's problem! The family will need to get him and themselves the help that is needed.

This 'notion' that young people 'should' live at home rent and responsibility-free may be culturally prevalent in Canada, but it sounds like a recipe for indolence and irresponsibility. This is also a major issue if older siblings are allowed to live at home rent and responsibility-free.

Last edited by jghorton; 03-02-2021 at 12:19 PM..
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Old 03-02-2021, 01:25 PM
 
Location: Fort Lauderdale, Florida
11,437 posts, read 10,206,579 times
Reputation: 25482
Your brother verbally abused your mom calling her a *****.

He needs to be told to leave the family home. You may need to legally evict him.

Reach out to an attorney.

He's an inch away from being physically abusive. Normal people don't punch holes in walls.
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Old 03-02-2021, 01:49 PM
 
513 posts, read 124,999 times
Reputation: 888
Quote:
Originally Posted by fluffythewondercat View Post
Oh, cry me a river.

I think the OP knows his/her sibling much much better than you think you do.
Fluffy, you sound hostile, full of scorn and unhappy in general. You know old people like yourself are prone to depression as well.
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Old 03-02-2021, 02:12 PM
 
4,877 posts, read 7,453,880 times
Reputation: 7038
Quote:
Originally Posted by MINAKOS View Post
Thank you, perfect answer. My brother doesn't have a phone with service. He has an iPhone and I guess things like iMessage and SnapChat, all via wifi, are enough for him.

Change the wifi password, password protect all the computers/laptops in the house, and don't tell him what they are.
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Old 03-02-2021, 05:42 PM
 
372 posts, read 336,707 times
Reputation: 563
Here is an opinion from the Washington Post---

Parents who went to court to evict their unemployed 30-year-old son did the right thing.

"The story of the New York parents who had to go to court to get a judge to evict their unemployed adult son is compelling.
In fact, it’s the nightmare of a lot of parents. You have a grown child who is suffering from arrested development. The son or daughter won’t work, isn’t paying rent or otherwise contributing to the household. This is the story Christina and Mark Rotondo told a State Supreme Court judge.
The parents wrote several letters asking their son to vacate their property, according to Douglass Dowty on Syracuse.com, which first reported on the case."

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/...e-right-thing/
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Old 03-02-2021, 06:02 PM
 
Location: Omaha, Nebraska
9,361 posts, read 5,576,479 times
Reputation: 24565
Quote:
Originally Posted by jghorton View Post
This 'notion' that young people 'should' live at home rent and responsibility-free may be culturally prevalent in Canada, but it sounds like a recipe for indolence and irresponsibility. This is also a major issue if older siblings are allowed to live at home rent and responsibility-free.
Fortunately in this case the older siblings aren't living at home responsibility-free. They are working in the family business and doing household chores while studying for a degree. I'd say that the work counts as rent. The only slacker is the youngest brother, and I suspect the parents let it go for so long precisely because they weren't expecting the behavior and had no idea how to deal with it (since none of their older children had behaved like that), so they kept waiting for him to somehow get over his issues and get back on track. Unfortunately the unacceptable behavior is going to be far more difficult to address at age 20 than it would have been as a teenager, because as a legal adult the youngest son cannot be compelled to go to drug rehab or seek psychiatric treatment or vocational training. Evicting him should be a last-ditch option, but unfortunately it may come to that.
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Old 03-02-2021, 07:12 PM
 
20 posts, read 6,526 times
Reputation: 64
Who's paying for his phone, weed and wifi? LOL


Wait until he goes out, pack up his stuff, change the locks and wait for him to come home. Give him a ride to a weekly rate hotel, pay for a week give him $100 for groceries and wish him luck.
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Old 03-02-2021, 07:15 PM
 
2,847 posts, read 965,478 times
Reputation: 8147
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shallow Hal View Post
Fluffy, you sound hostile, full of scorn and unhappy in general. You know old people like yourself are prone to depression as well.
That's only because we "old people" have seen and had to put up with so much BS in our long lives, like people making excuses for inappropriate behavior.

Bottom line, parents are only responsible for their children through some age (typically 18), after that point what they do is "voluntary". Again, my advice is for the parents to get some counseling themselves, then notify Junior that his bad behavior will no longer be tolerated starting TODAY, and that the only way he can stay on any semblance of the Gravy Train he is accustomed to, is to immediately enter counseling and evaluation. Mom and Dad are certainly not doing Junior any favors by enabling his long-suffered, poor choices, he needs to be put on a constructive path with clear expectations, guideposts, and goals, which he has to meet. Because what Mom and Pop have done thus far has only made Junior worse, and less-prepared for a life outside of the nest.

The primary responsibility of parents is to prepare their children for a life without their, and society's, support, to make them healthy, self-supporting, accountable, productive, and in a perfect world, happy. But the last part is pretty much up to the child themselves. Junior, in this particular case, is WAY beyond wearing out his welcome, and needs to change, quickly and dramatically, depression or not. He needs to be an active participant in becoming a healthy adult.
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