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Well, we don't necessarily all "get along" because we don't see one another all that often. If we did, it might be different, but I still don't think we would just stop talking. For the most part over the past couple of decades, the one day we got together was our annual Christmas get-together, which always took place after Christmas. The last one was in January of 2020. Everyone was there, including all kids and grandkids, which was wonderful for my mother because she died on March 28.
We also used to get together for a picnic at my mother's house to celebrate the summer birthdays, but that didn't happen again after my older brother died fifteen years ago.
This year, of course, we did not have such a holiday get-together because of COVID, and with my mother gone, I don't anticipate that we will in the future. We could not even get together for her funeral because of COVID restrictions. Four of us sibs and one grandchild were the only ones who could be there. Most of us got together to help clean out her house and do a yard sale.
I don't think I will lose touch with any of them, but there will be some that I am in touch with more than the others. There are a couple of problem children among us, the aforementioned living-in-the-woods-away-from-reality sister and the never-met-a-conspiracy-he-didn't-buy-into brother. We won't stop talking, but we won't stop talking about one another, either. Hehehe.
My sons have worked with people through the whole pandemic. One is in a store management, the other for Disney. One believes covid is blown out of proportion in every way. Lives life as usual. The other knowing the people come from everywhere has masked up even when there was only select people on Disney property during the shutdown because that is Disney's policy from the get go. My Disney CM pretty much thinks he is exposed by the maskless at the pools of the resorts that he goes nowhere but home after work. The hassle and abuse from the mask haters have gotten him threatened, spit at, etc as he does his job. It is a constant argument between CMs and some of the guests.
The way I handle it.
We do not cut the other person down for their beliefs. At my house they go by my rules.
If you come here you wear a mask inside or out on the yard together. You stay your 6 feet. You wash hands often and use sanitizer.
On your own time do what you want.
We got together for birthdays, Thanksgiving, and Christmas in 2020. We have the advantage of warmer weather. My husband ate at the dining room table, one family on the patio and my other son and I on a table in the yard. It was a noisy and fun get together every time.
When they leave I sanitize everything touchable etc. We are very careful because of my husband. In the end after a year of wearing kid gloves to protect him and mostly staying home, his pace maker got an infection, he ended up being exposed to all kinds of hospital personnel and unfortunately has to be in rehab for a few months so I guess it was all for nil. Could not believe yesterday while I was there an RN kept touching and removing her mask whenever she talked to him. Hopefully we won't become one of the statistics. It is horrible having the thought that we will not survive this pandemic when so many think it is no worse than having a cold when it probably means death for another loved one.
Of the two kids I mentioned who don't seem to be speaking right now, one had an autoimmune disease and is an introvert - she works from home and has not left the house for anything other than a walk around the block. The other one is an extravert, works in the trades and is out in the field - but travels - A LOT. I don't know what rules the other one was accusing her of breaking, but she has done some entertaining during the past year (nothing like she would normally do, but I think she has had people over, etc.) She and her husband have come to visit me a couple of times and we sit outside. It was fine. The other one was invited but said she's not ready.
They have gotten along well over the years but I don't know about underlying resentments, etc. The one who travels and is out-and-about does throw out some zingers that people should just live their lives, etc. I just shrug it off and don't discuss my beliefs with her.
It's interesting in families that everyone is different and has their own beliefs. I try to be respectful of that (to young parents: I was shocked when I realized none of my kids had my same values - I thought, somehow, that they would automatically. lol)
Of the two kids I mentioned who don't seem to be speaking right now, one had an autoimmune disease and is an introvert - she works from home and has not left the house for anything other than a walk around the block. The other one is an extravert, works in the trades and is out in the field - but travels - A LOT. I don't know what rules the other one was accusing her of breaking, but she has done some entertaining during the past year (nothing like she would normally do, but I think she has had people over, etc.) She and her husband have come to visit me a couple of times and we sit outside. It was fine. The other one was invited but said she's not ready.
They have gotten along well over the years but I don't know about underlying resentments, etc. The one who travels and is out-and-about does throw out some zingers that people should just live their lives, etc. I just shrug it off and don't discuss my beliefs with her.
It's interesting in families that everyone is different and has their own beliefs. I try to be respectful of that (to young parents: I was shocked when I realized none of my kids had my same values - I thought, somehow, that they would automatically. lol)
Individual nature. Kids are like a box of chocolates.
My wife has two sisters, an older one that is 1 year older, and a younger sister that is about 6 years younger. She doesn't associate with her older sister at all.
I'm an only child, and my mother was very close to her siblings, so at first I prodded her to mend things... but then I got to know her older sister over the phone and email when dealing with some family things, and found her to be as selfish and obnoxious as my wife said she was. So now we have no contact with them but she still tries to be selfish and controlling with the rest of the family. The latest thing is that the youngest sister is now pregnant. She lives in Utah. We live in TX, and older sister lives in GA. Their parents live in Brazil, and they have a maximum of one month to come and stay.
This trip should be about getting to spend as much time with the newborn and their youngest as they can. They also can't afford to be flying to all 3 places, but older sister wants to visit Brazil this summer, drop her two kids off with them for the summer, and then have her kids fly back with their grandparents when they come for the baby being born. This forces them to go to GA for at least a few days, and takes away from time they could be in UT, while costing them more as well. My wife for example, is planning on flying to UT to see them and help out her sister, not have them come here and cut into the time they've got.
Doubtful it will ever change, and we really don't care if it doesn't.
Anything you might think of to do I don't think will work. Some things are only learned through life experience - "learning their lesson". Putting one's beliefs over the health and well being of others is disturbing and it is all too common when conspiracy theories and fear of the loss of freedom infiltrates and quells the voice of common sense and reason.
I hope you set boundaries around your home. Don't let risky people enter it. You can't afford to be ambivalent.
I just hate it, but I understand it is really none of my business.
It's a little triggering because there is one "child" who no one talks to (has substance abuse issues and seems to be "Borderline" - has caused lots of drama over the years).
Aw! That sucks. I can see how that would be triggering for you. You, of course, love all your kids, so it's got to be hard to see one get shunned.
My other half and his brother (both in their 70's) didn't talk for decades and it was a great source of sorrow for their sweet mother. Thankfully a few years ago, they came together to make decisions about their mother and it pulled them closer together.
Now, they talk quite frequently by phone and visit every year or so (they live a long distance apart) and I know their mother is looking down from heaven and smiling her sweet head off.
My other half and his brother (both in their 70's) didn't talk for decades and it was a great source of sorrow for their sweet mother. Thankfully a few years ago, they came together to make decisions about their mother and it pulled them closer together.
Now, they talk quite frequently by phone and visit every year or so (they live a long distance apart) and I know their mother is looking down from heaven and smiling her sweet head off.
There's always hope for a reconciliation.
Yes. There is always hope.
When people stop talking to each other within families, it doesn't just affect the two involved, but their spouses and all other family members. If they aren't speaking, get-togethers can be strained and awkward.
To me, goodwill is everything, and if I'm having issues with someone I make it a point to be civil and polite. Don't know if I actually pull it off, but I try.
With these two many social get-togethers could be affected down the road - so I will be affected (I already am on group texts which one is not responding to - and rudely).
I understand it is their issue to resolve. I wish they understood how their strife affects others. The other affected people just become "collateral damage," which is easily written off as no big deal.
My social contacts have been greatly reduced, and this is just another nail in the coffin and I have to accept it.
I wish everyone had the "greater good" as a value, but they don't.
I know this is common in families, but it's very hurtful to parents.
I don't know if there's anything parents can or should do to encourage their grown children to patch up differences.
I have a couple of grown kids who have very different beliefs about Covid - one is out and about and the other barely leaves the house. They have argued about this. One accusing the other of not following rules, etc.
They have had a good relationship over the years.
Their husbands have also evidently taken sides (don't know details).
I feel like I should mind my own business and just let nature take it's course - on the other hand, it's hurtful and I wonder if there's anything a mother can or should do. Anything that worked in your families?
Sure, when the parents died off, the kids suddenly came to the realization that they only had each other....
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