Why do people feel the right to question or criticize decision to bottle-feed? (autism, baby)

[lolagranola]

When you say that you didn't have any reason not to breastfeed, that you just didn't feel like it, I think that you get funny looks from people because they wonder why you don't feel like doing something that you know is best for your child? ........
Formula feeding parents might get a lot of flack, but breastfeeding parents get a lot too.

Yeah, that's what I'm thinking.

When pro-breastfeeders are saying that it is "healthier", I don't think they are refering to just the child's apparent health...I think they mean it was made to be perfect. That we live in a world of additives and preservatives and carcinogens, ect... and cannot understand why people don't just give it a try.

It can take some distance to realize that is YOUR baby, and the only one you are accountable to for your choices are YOUR baby and God! I used to be one of those flabbergasted moms wondering how you could make such a poor choice

Breastfeeding moms DO get plenty of it too. For doing it in public, or around people who are uncomfortable, for doing it too long, too often, not long enough. For drinking wine or eating garlic. On and on...

It really isn't about judgements as much as it is about us all processing the tons of advice and info that we are flooded with.

Do what you want with your baby, and I will try to look pleased with whatever it is! If you might not like the answer, don't ask!!

[MonaLisaVito]

Originally Posted by regarese

Do you think the mountain dew I give her is bad for her too?"

Hilarious

Originally Posted by regarese

We were at a restaurant recently with our 2 year old. She likes to drink the little milk or 1/2 and 1/2 containers they put on the table for coffee. We save a little from ours and let her do the shots-whatever. This guy was watching us and "informs" me "That's not exactly the best thing for her." I looked at him and said, "Yeah? I'm sure your cardiologist would so approve of your bacon, hashbrowns and fried eggs right there." MYOB!!! I always think if a person is rude enough to offer their opinion with such an air of superiority, then they better be prepared for an equally rude response.

Unbelievable. I really hope that this is what you said back to this guy.

Originally Posted by mrstewart

People are rude...that is why they would say those things!

Yep!

Originally Posted by L.K.

some people have too much time on their hands and not enough going on in their own life,I guess,that they need to take on the business of others.

Yep!

I don't understand why people EVEN ASK someone this question.

Yes, studies have shown it is the healthiest for the baby. But I have to wonder all these people preaching about what's healthiest for the baby, are they THEMSELVES eating the healthiest of foods? Are they in top notch physical shape themselves?

[sbd78]

I think its the unsolicited remarks regarding breastfeeding that rubs people the wrong way. Unless someone is wearing a sign that says "I am not breastfeeding because I don't feel like it", how could anyone know what their reasons are? You can't tell by looking at someone if they are using formula because baby couldn't latch on, mom wasn't producing enough milk, mom is on medication that makes breastfeeding unsafe, baby is adopted so mom isn't producing any milk. You just don't know what someone's situation is, so going up to a complete stranger and lecturing them is rude. And that goes both ways, as I don't feel breastfeeding moms should be given a hard time about their decisions, either.

There are many, many controversial topics regarding the raising of children: vaccinate vs. not vaccinate, discipline styles, spanking vs. not spanking, daycare vs. SAHM, allowing children to eat fast food, how much physical activity your children get, home schooling vs. public schools, the list goes on and on. Everyone has their own opinions and does what works for them and their families. I'm sure many could come up with statistics proving their stance is best, but that doesn't make it right for them to push their opinion on others when it isn't wanted. And that is the point here, not whether breastfeeding is best. (We all know studies show it is.) The point is, we need to let others make their own decisions and respect the decisions others make. Parenting is hard enough as it is without everyone constantly judging each other.

[Roselvr]

Very good post!

Originally Posted by sbd78

I think its the unsolicited remarks regarding breastfeeding that rubs people the wrong way. Unless someone is wearing a sign that says "I am not breastfeeding because I don't feel like it", how could anyone know what their reasons are? You can't tell by looking at someone if they are using formula because baby couldn't latch on, mom wasn't producing enough milk, mom is on medication that makes breastfeeding unsafe, baby is adopted so mom isn't producing any milk. You just don't know what someone's situation is, so going up to a complete stranger and lecturing them is rude. And that goes both ways, as I don't feel breastfeeding moms should be given a hard time about their decisions, either.

There are many, many controversial topics regarding the raising of children: vaccinate vs. not vaccinate, discipline styles, spanking vs. not spanking, daycare vs. SAHM, allowing children to eat fast food, how much physical activity your children get, home schooling vs. public schools, the list goes on and on. Everyone has their own opinions and does what works for them and their families. I'm sure many could come up with statistics proving their stance is best, but that doesn't make it right for them to push their opinion on others when it isn't wanted. And that is the point here, not whether breastfeeding is best. (We all know studies show it is.) The point is, we need to let others make their own decisions and respect the decisions others make. Parenting is hard enough as it is without everyone constantly judging each other.

[colleeng47]

Originally Posted by Valkyr47

*CORRECTION: I SHOULD BE MORE SPECIFIC AND SAY FORMULA NOT JUST BOTTLE*

I mean honestly... you chose to breastfeed, thats great, kudos.

We didnt, why is that such a problem for you? No, my wife had absolutely no medical reason why she couldnt have, she just didnt want to. Whether it made her feel uncomfortable, or she was worried about the effects on her breasts, who knows. All I know is she came to me and before the baby was here said "I just dont want to do it" and i support her 100%, its her body she can do what she wants with it.

I had no idea it would be such an issue. But apparently whenever someone asks how the baby is doing and i tell them great, they always somehow ask if she's breastfeeding and when i say no, they just look all weird about it. She has been asked why she didnt want to by women who were complete strangers. My wife and I dont feel an ounce of guilt for not breastfeeding, im just curious where these people get off thinking its public business anyways. Most people mind their own business but when there is a baby involved they think it becomes public apparently.

The only reason i even answer is because we have nothing to be ashamed of so i always assume there just going to be like "oh ok, thats cool" but unfortunately im wrong.

I guess some people are just so opinionated they cant help it, its annoying though

First of all, I don't understand why you feel it's necessary to inform rude (which is what they are) people how you and your wife are feeding your baby. I always like the answer Ann Landers used to give to people who were perplexed on how to answer extremely personal questions: "Why in heaven's name would you be interested in that?" Or something along those lines.

I realize that some of these people may be people you can't really blow off that way, but, honestly, how and when and with what method you feed your child is really no one's business but you and your wife -- except, of course, if you were starving the child, then CPS would step in. Otherwise, tell them to um -- you know.

[michelleleigh]

Oh as for raised eyebrows on whats best for thr baby, if the mom is not comfortable at all with brestfeeding or if it hurts her, she is doing the best thing for the baby by bottle feeding. Because the baby can pick up on those things thus making the baby uncomfortable also.

[max's mama]

Breastfeeding moms DO get plenty of it too. For doing it in public, or around people who are uncomfortable, for doing it too long, too often, not long enough. For drinking wine or eating garlic. On and on...

That's true too actually. I'm curious what the reaction would be if I told people here that I'm still nursing my 3yo.
I mean, of course, now everyone would know that it's not true, but I bet if I did say that to unknowing crowd, I would get a lot of raised eyebrows as well.

[cdc3217]

I also think its one of these topics where people on bith sides feel a little defensive, because the controversy has been so whipped up. THen if you open up the question, thinking you've sized this mother up and you're looking for comraderie in the grea baby feeding debates - and come out wrong, I think it makes for the awkward looks.

[old biddie]

Originally Posted by ADVentive

First of all, you need to understand how statistics work. As in, statistics work on populations, not individuals. When studies show (and they do so very strongly and indisputably) that formula fed babies are X% more likely to say, get ear infections, that does not mean that every formula fed baby will get an ear infection and no breastfed baby will, just that X% more formula fed babies get ear infections than breastfed babies. So for you to spout anecdotes about your formula fed baby who has never had an ear infection, or your breastfed baby who has allergies, it doesn't show anything about the legitimacy of the statistics, all it does is show that you don't understand how statistics work.

When you say that you didn't have any reason not to breastfeed, that you just didn't feel like it, I think that you get funny looks from people because they wonder why you don't feel like doing something that you know is best for your child? If it was me, I certainly would not say anything to you about it, but yah, I might not be able to hide my funny look. Because I do not feel that breastfeeding or formula feeding comes down to just a simple personal choice, like what color to paint the nursery. There is clear data that breastfeeding is better for babies. And it's one thing for someone to try but not succeed, or to have other reasons why breastfeeding won't work for them, but if you just don't feel like it, yah, I will probably have a funny look for you.

Formula feeding parents might get a lot of flack, but breastfeeding parents get a lot too. Only 20% of babies in the US are still breastfed at a year, which is the minimum amount recommended. A lot of people who are nursing past a year (or often even less) will often hear from complete strangers that our babies are too old. Or people who are nursing in public will hear that they should just use a bottle, or nurse in a restroom, etc. And how many employers give their employees the time and space to pump? So you feel like society disapproves of and does not support you in what you do, but so do we.

Great post! Thank you.

[Sampaguita]

I've received "looks" for not BFing my almost-2 month old twins. I had every intention of BFing for at least the first year but with DS in NICU for 3 weeks and DD in for 1 week, pumping every 2 hrs or so, driving anywhere from 40-60min each way back & forth from home to NICU, and then BFing with the little I got, supplementing with formula, burping, changing diapers, pumping again & cleaning up I never seemed to get rest or adequate sleep. Just a part of being a new mom, right? Well, I fell asleep at the wheel with my twins and parents in the car.

Thank God I woke up before anything tragic happened. That was all it took for me to say ENOUGH. No amount of pressure from anyone or myself to BF over formula is worth putting the lives of my loved ones & others on the road in jeopardy because I'm worn out.

I promised myself while I was pg that I would not beat myself up over being unable to BF whatever the reason. I'm very disappointed on many levels and it's especially hard when I'm carrying one of the twins and they instinctively root at my breast & I know there is nothing there for them. So when I get the "looks", it does raise my hackles.

My children are gaining weight (they've more than doubled their 4lb+ birth weights), sleeping well and exceeding all expectations of 35 week preemies. I can't ask for anything more and boy...am I ever grateful that they are doing as well as they are.

As someone else posted, as long as a parent is providing proper nutrition for their child who am I or anyone to make judgments or make critical comments?