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Old 04-13-2021, 02:36 PM
 
Location: Vermont
9,248 posts, read 5,014,753 times
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The son is an adult and should be living on his own given what you've described. Let him take responsibiity for his life. And your wife has to stop treating him like a helpless child.
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Old 04-13-2021, 04:25 PM
 
Location: North Dakota
10,251 posts, read 13,768,314 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post


Wow, are some mothers still doing that?

I grow up in the 50s and 60s and my mother would emphasize how important it was for women to have their own careers and be able to support themselves (and their children, if they decided to have children).
There are MANY women out there who just want someone to take care of them. When I was in college the number of women getting their Mrs. Degree was pretty high and I graduated 15 years ago. Even dating online years later I found a lot of women who seemed to have attempted that and got divorced. No career to speak of and seemed to just be looking for the next sugar daddy. It's sad.
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Old 04-13-2021, 06:12 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
668 posts, read 465,168 times
Reputation: 1538
Quote:
Originally Posted by blunt15 View Post
When he went into the air force, I got him ready mentally, morally, and physically, even the school that he just started attending early march, I coordinated that and it seems it was a waste of time, wasn't even a hard school, just a trade school that he was using his GI Bill for so everything was paid for and he was to get a monthly stipend, where did I go wrong??



Someone mentioned earlier, but bears repeating..it does seem like you chose a path for him. and the line that you coordinated a school he just started attending...he's an adult now...he couldn't coordinate this himself? or at the very least, attempt, if he had questions, ask you? You shouldn't be doing those sorts of things for him at this point.



But, your wife is part of the problem. He won't ever grow up when he has one parent coddling him.
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Old 04-14-2021, 03:39 AM
 
1 posts, read 447 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blunt15 View Post
I hear all the time, good parenting could have made that young person a better person ready for the world but even with a two parent household, it still might not come out right, my son was raised with good values in a small military family still active duty and still can't get it right, was in the air force force a little over 2 years and was dismissed for minor misconduct is how it was characterized on his discharge papers (DD214), comes home to live with his family and still I think may have been dismissed from a school he recently started because he couldn't be on time(lacks responsibility), as the man of the house(retired military) and wife still active duty, it is very discouraging that the foundation that has been laid for this young man has potentially done nothing, I'm just not sure where to turn at this point because I have done all I could, any advice?? Thanks!

he has now turned 21 as of a few weeks ago

When he went into the air force, I got him ready mentally, morally, and physically, even the school that he just started attending early march, I coordinated that and it seems it was a waste of time, wasn't even a hard school, just a trade school that he was using his GI Bill for so everything was paid for and he was to get a monthly stipend, where did I go wrong??

I think you are writing a true thing as every parents need these types of information. I am also following [url]https://www.drdad.in[/url]
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Old 04-14-2021, 06:38 AM
 
2,302 posts, read 2,967,085 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blunt15 View Post

When he went into the air force, I got him ready mentally, morally, and physically, even the school that he just started attending early march, I coordinated that and it seems it was a waste of time, wasn't even a hard school, just a trade school that he was using his GI Bill for so everything was paid for and he was to get a monthly stipend, where did I go wrong??
This says it all. He should be getting himself ready. He should be coordinating his own plans. No wonder he wasn't interested in the outcome.
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Old 04-17-2021, 12:44 PM
 
18,647 posts, read 33,216,650 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NDak15 View Post
There are MANY women out there who just want someone to take care of them. When I was in college the number of women getting their Mrs. Degree was pretty high and I graduated 15 years ago. Even dating online years later I found a lot of women who seemed to have attempted that and got divorced. No career to speak of and seemed to just be looking for the next sugar daddy. It's sad.
Ah, one man away from welfare. A familiar story.
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Old 04-17-2021, 09:53 PM
 
129 posts, read 79,054 times
Reputation: 283
Quote:
Originally Posted by AtlJan View Post
This says it all. He should be getting himself ready. He should be coordinating his own plans. No wonder he wasn't interested in the outcome.
Dad did everything he could except support his son in something he actually wanted to do.
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Old 04-19-2021, 03:44 AM
 
313 posts, read 262,778 times
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My daughter's in her early 20s and still finding her way. She'll attend college and take breaks. She too utilizes a military GI Bill and doesn't want to waste it. So takes breaks until she's decided her major.

Plz look at the 2 years he served positively. Glass half empty or glass half full ? Maybe he needs time to think and alter his course. Isn't he allowed to do this?

Changing career plans after TWO years is OK at his age. Maybe he's depressed? 2 military parents sounds potentially regimented? Is he more of a free spirit? Did he serve in the military for you ? Was it not really what he wanted?

I know my daughter's still trying to figure life out. She hasn't been discharged/ fired from a job nor has she been late to classes.

It sounds like he's trying to figure out what he wants to do with his life.
This is what I recommend:

Don't kick him out ("misconduct" and "late to class" are not criminal behavior)

If school isn't what he wants to do now, let him get a job while he plans what he does want to do.

Plz focus on his accomplishments. I'd be proud of a child that served 2 years. You're disappointed it didn't work out, maybe he's not.

My husband recently retired as a Col from the Air Force. Our daughter is a liberal hippie. Kids are going to be what THEY want to be, not our possessions molded into what we think they should be. It'll just cause resentment and rebellion if you try to control your kids.

Last edited by Withinpines; 04-19-2021 at 04:02 AM..
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Old 04-19-2021, 02:41 PM
 
372 posts, read 311,055 times
Reputation: 1521
Did/do you and your wife do everything for him?

Is/was he ever let to face the natural consequences of his actions prior to the military and college?

Is/was he never let to feel disappointment?

Did/do you and your wife always make everything better for him?
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Old 04-19-2021, 09:38 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,066 posts, read 107,036,480 times
Reputation: 115868
Quote:
Originally Posted by blunt15 View Post
No therapy, and the wife is not on board, babies him up too much unfortunately. Thanks for the suggestion though, i am told he needs to make up the hours from yesterday as he was sent home because he didn't make it to class on time to his 8 hour class, just discouraging!
Well there you go! (bolded) That's what went wrong. He responded to your wife's programming, not yours. There's nothing you can do, if he's getting mixed parental signals. Naturally, he'll favor the signals that are easier to comply with, the slacker signals.
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