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Old 05-04-2021, 03:07 PM
 
55 posts, read 18,678 times
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Moved to another country with our kids. Aged 6 and 8 respectively.We both work so needed a nanny for our child. We found someone and she started last month. We have had some problems with both kids.
1. The eldest-Asked inappropriate questions about religion to the nanny for which she was reprimanded.
2. The youngest. Cried and had a meltdown when nanny walked in of a morning. Told me she did not want to go to school or see the nanny. Also told me nanny said she could not have a particular snack she wanted. Yet nanny clearly cares for her and the eldest. She is always on time despite having a chronic health issue and bought birthday gifts for my youngest. Yet it doesn't seem to work this arrangement. Should we consider another care option and which is the most sensitive way to go about it?
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Old 05-04-2021, 04:04 PM
 
4,177 posts, read 1,560,507 times
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This would probably go better in the "parenting" forum.

How old are these children? Have they had problems with other caregivers?

1. Just how "inappropriate" was this question? Is there a reason this would keep you from continuing to use this nanny? Was the nanny offended to the point of wanting to quit?
2. Children have temper tantrums; this is normal (do you believe something untoward happened between the nanny and the child to cause the child to not want to see the nanny?). Children don't want to go to school sometimes and don't want a caregiver besides their parents sometimes. What is the issue with the snack? Do you feel the nanny was inappropriate to deny the snack, or do you feel it was justified? Is there a reason that would be a reason to fire the nanny rather than just saying either nanny "in future, let the child have the snack" or to child "when nanny says no, that means no"?

I'm not sure exactly why you think you should fire a nanny just because one child's curiosity was inappropriate on one occasion and another had a temper tantrum on one occasion, or why you think these situations wouldn't occur with a different nanny? Is there more going on here than you have said?
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Old 05-04-2021, 04:42 PM
 
1,459 posts, read 1,774,776 times
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I'm not sure why these issues would equal changing your current arrangement versus just having a conversation about expectations.

-Do you want your child to be allowed to have whatever snack the child wants, with no limits in place? If so, simply tell the nanny this. Without more details, it's hard to know if nanny said "You may only have raw radishes today" or the child asked for ice cream and doughnuts and was denied in favor of a more reasonable healthy option like yogurt and apple slices, or something in the middle.
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Old 05-04-2021, 06:38 PM
 
2,538 posts, read 1,096,900 times
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Children can't and shouldn't always have what they want. If the nanny is abusive it's one thing. If the child simply doesn't want the nanny because she wants you to stay home, that's another. A child not getting the snack he wants is not the end of the world. Maybe you need a nanny cam. You need to figure out if the nanny is a problem or if your little darlings are spoiled and acting out. Children will try to manipulate you if they can. They will play on your guilt for going to work instead of staying home. It's not intentional, but they learn early what works when it comes to getting their own way.
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Old 05-04-2021, 07:27 PM
 
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yeh...I really like the above idea about the nanny cam.
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Old Yesterday, 08:44 AM
 
55 posts, read 18,678 times
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The child asked if the nanny had been baptised and then followed it up with more questions about her religion. Nanny was clearly uncomfortable as I was also listening.
The younger one I admit is used to having things her way. I don't think she likes the fact that the nanny makes her carry her own school bags and clear away her own garbage. Youngest obviously does not like the authority and we do need someone who can be a bit more relaxed as it's an unsettling time for the children.
We've also noticed the nanny seems in a rush to leave as soon as one of us comes home and that although we said we did not need her to work Tuesdays, our schedule changed and we suddenly did. Yet she said she could no longer do it as she had made other plans for this day now. Her health as well is a concern. We worry about her getting here on time and having the energy to partake in activities with the children. She hasn't been late so far but it is a worry. We were led to believe by her that things were under better control then they actually were. She told me she was changing her medication which leads me to believe that actually things are not controlled. We just don't think she is the right fit for us due to all the above.
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Old Yesterday, 11:28 AM
 
2,003 posts, read 2,511,867 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FreyaFlowers View Post
The child asked if the nanny had been baptised and then followed it up with more questions about her religion. Nanny was clearly uncomfortable as I was also listening.
The younger one I admit is used to having things her way. I don't think she likes the fact that the nanny makes her carry her own school bags and clear away her own garbage. Youngest obviously does not like the authority and we do need someone who can be a bit more relaxed as it's an unsettling time for the children.
We've also noticed the nanny seems in a rush to leave as soon as one of us comes home and that although we said we did not need her to work Tuesdays, our schedule changed and we suddenly did. Yet she said she could no longer do it as she had made other plans for this day now. Her health as well is a concern. We worry about her getting here on time and having the energy to partake in activities with the children. She hasn't been late so far but it is a worry. We were led to believe by her that things were under better control then they actually were. She told me she was changing her medication which leads me to believe that actually things are not controlled. We just don't think she is the right fit for us due to all the above.

she's punctual, thoughtful, and has reasonable expectations of the children. If that isn't a right fit, what exactly are you looking for to take care of your snowflakes?
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Old Yesterday, 11:48 AM
 
2,003 posts, read 2,511,867 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FreyaFlowers View Post
Moved to another country with our kids. Aged 6 and 8 respectively.We both work so needed a nanny for our child. We found someone and she started last month. We have had some problems with both kids.
1. The eldest-Asked inappropriate questions about religion to the nanny for which she was reprimanded.
2. The youngest. Cried and had a meltdown when nanny walked in of a morning. Told me she did not want to go to school or see the nanny. Also told me nanny said she could not have a particular snack she wanted. Yet nanny clearly cares for her and the eldest. She is always on time despite having a chronic health issue and bought birthday gifts for my youngest. Yet it doesn't seem to work this arrangement. Should we consider another care option and which is the most sensitive way to go about it?
From another one of your threads dated pretty much exactly a year ago...

Quote:
I am not sure why you felt the need to bring that thread over here Daffodil? Seems a little odd.
I wouldn't call it a rebound relationship when we have been together nearly 2 years and things are getting better all the time, especially since we have been together for lockdown.
I am 38 and my partner is 50. We both have kids, he has a 20 year old and an 18 year old who live full time with him, I have a 9 year old.
My job is based in my hometown and cannot locate elsewhere. I am hoping I can work remotely but unsure as to whether this is a possibility yet. I share 50/50 childcare with my ex who lives 5 minutes away.
I may be able to rent out my place, yes.
The divorce has been a complicated one which is why it has taken so long.
Both our town's have a lot of employment opportunities but my partner earns a bery high wage while able to work from home 90% of the time and also has very flexible working hours which he doesn't think he could get elsewhere.
Yes, we have talked marriage,
So, you've managed to move to another country during the pandemic, de-age your son, and pick up a six year old daughter?
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Old Yesterday, 12:39 PM
 
Location: Phoenix, AZ
3,564 posts, read 1,872,743 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FreyaFlowers View Post
The child asked if the nanny had been baptised and then followed it up with more questions about her religion. Nanny was clearly uncomfortable as I was also listening.
The younger one I admit is used to having things her way. I don't think she likes the fact that the nanny makes her carry her own school bags and clear away her own garbage. Youngest obviously does not like the authority and we do need someone who can be a bit more relaxed as it's an unsettling time for the children.
We've also noticed the nanny seems in a rush to leave as soon as one of us comes home and that although we said we did not need her to work Tuesdays, our schedule changed and we suddenly did. Yet she said she could no longer do it as she had made other plans for this day now. Her health as well is a concern. We worry about her getting here on time and having the energy to partake in activities with the children. She hasn't been late so far but it is a worry. We were led to believe by her that things were under better control then they actually were. She told me she was changing her medication which leads me to believe that actually things are not controlled. We just don't think she is the right fit for us due to all the above.

Change nannies.
Spank child.
Problem solved.
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Old Yesterday, 12:39 PM
 
55 posts, read 18,678 times
Reputation: 28
Obviously I have changed details but the story is as I have wrote it, correct.
You must have a lot of time on your hands to do your background research.
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