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Found out a few weeks ago that my wife's IVF worked and she is now 6 weeks pregnant.
My wife is 41 and I realize that anything can happen in the first trimester because her pregnancy has been deemed "high risk". Still, I've found that my fears for this child are high, and they're even higher if we return to live in the US.
Currently we live in Malaysia and we plan to stay here for the foreseeable future. However, it's also possible we may move back to the US with the child one day as well. Maybe it's because I haven't been back to the States in a while (due to covid), and even my trips home are to pretty much see family and friends (and they haven't changed much), but I have this fear of bringing our child back to the more stressful US environment. Here are some of things swimming in my head should we move back:
1. Since our child will be biracial, will they have to deal with racist idiots (The child will be half Tamil Indian, Half white with Jewish and Italian roots)
2. On the other, will our child have to deal with anti-racist idiots who indoctrinate them into their very narrow view of the world.
3. Will they feel pressured to explore their gender, and possibly demand that we provide them with the appropriate drugs that will help with transitions...
4. But then again, if my child really feels they are in the wrong body, will my wife and I do what's write by him/her.
5. The US is a very punitive society - Will my child make a stupid comment online at 13 and be kept out of jobs because of it when they're 23? 6. Will my child grow so addicted to his/her phone that they never want to go out?
7. Will my child become unhealthy and obese because of the way the US culture pushes fast food on kids?
8. If my child does become obese and my wife and I try to work with them about it, will we get lectured about "fat shaming"?
9. What about their mental health? I listen to young kids in the US and it seems like they're all fully aware and educated in every definition of each type of mental illness that exists. I realize that there are some people who have mental health problems, but I feel like so many kids use those designations as excuses for not succeeding.
10. Will I be sensitive enough to deal with their legitimate mental health issues?
11. Although I'm from Massachusetts and we do have the most universal health care in the country, lack of affordable health care for our child scares me. Plus, there's no guarantee that we would move back to Mass anyways.
I realize that a lot of these problems exist in Malaysia as well, especially racism (racism is probably worse here in Malaysia) and addiction to devices. But it often seems more manageable here and kids generally seem happier here, despite schools being generally more rigid.
Still, as I keep telling my wife, our goal is to raise this child to be an adult, not just a big kid. I want lead them in the right direction and then allow them to make their own decisions and suffer their own consequences. Can I lead them in that right direction with all of the pressures of American society?
The fact that you're asking strangers on the internet these questions tells me you're not ready to become a parent. I mean seriously.. Fast food, obesity, and cell phone addiction???
That's entirely up to you bro... not "racist America" or whatever. Think about it.
If you don't like the US due to all these exaggerated fears, then don't move there. Why in the world would you move back if you dislike it so much? Nobody can make you move so just live where you prefer. For all our problems here in the US, it's still a lot better than many other places in the world. People from many places are risking their very lives to get into the US, so we can't be all that bad.
I recommend that you stay where you are. Not that all, or any, of those things are likely to happen to your child in the US, but because you are already so scared and anxious, that trying to live here again could give you a stroke or heart attack.
/edited for brevity/
Quite possibly the best thing I've ever read on C-D.
Live wherever you think best. But I found your post and list of fears to be ridiculously overblown. A little therapy might help you deal with this massive anxiety.
Found out a few weeks ago that my wife's IVF worked and she is now 6 weeks pregnant.
My wife is 41 and I realize that anything can happen in the first trimester because her pregnancy has been deemed "high risk". Still, I've found that my fears for this child are high, and they're even higher if we return to live in the US.
I read your list.
Not one thing that is REALLY critical do you seem remotely aware of, that is going on in this country.
Instead you listed a lot of anxieties and fears that really.... amount to nothing. You must be listening to the news too much... and it's all propaganda. The US no longer has a free press. It is all an extension of one or the other political party, and is propagandizing shamelessly.
INSTEAD, you should be worried about this country's dramatic shift to the left, and it's very dramatic shift toward lawlessness, anarchy and out of control corrupt government. We may very well never have another free and fair election again in this country. The government has become THAT MUCH corrupt. We're printing money like a waterfall and debauching the currency.
I'm no prophet, but I'll make you this prediction: More people are going to be escaping America in the latter half of this century than will be coming to it. And this may surprise you, but America may very well wind up in a 2nd civil war sometime in the next 30 years and may actually become a socialist state. As such, it would be a much greater danger to the rest of the world than Russia ever was as the USSR.
At the very least, socialism will be defeated, but the radical tendencies will continue on and create chaos, balkanization and division for the foreseeable future. We're also heading for a financial collapse.
DO NOT COME BACK to America if you don't really need to. Your kids will have no future here. If I could, I would come to where you are now, and never go back. I've told both my kids to get out of America however they have to do it.
Yes, stay where you are. Since you feel the US is such an unhealthy place to raise children, full of "racist idiots", it's best to stay put. Not sure how Malaysia stacks up against the US, but we have enough US hating citizens here already. No need for more.
Turn off the TV, NPR, NYT, WaPo, etc. and you won't "learn" all about how racist the USA is. These media types all despise the USA and think Cuba is paradise. Funny, none of them ever move there.
Found out a few weeks ago that my wife's IVF worked and she is now 6 weeks pregnant.
My wife is 41 and I realize that anything can happen in the first trimester because her pregnancy has been deemed "high risk". Still, I've found that my fears for this child are high, and they're even higher if we return to live in the US.
Currently we live in Malaysia and we plan to stay here for the foreseeable future. However, it's also possible we may move back to the US with the child one day as well. Maybe it's because I haven't been back to the States in a while (due to covid), and even my trips home are to pretty much see family and friends (and they haven't changed much), but I have this fear of bringing our child back to the more stressful US environment. Here are some of things swimming in my head should we move back:
1. Since our child will be biracial, will they have to deal with racist idiots (The child will be half Tamil Indian, Half white with Jewish and Italian roots)
2. On the other, will our child have to deal with anti-racist idiots who indoctrinate them into their very narrow view of the world.
3. Will they feel pressured to explore their gender, and possibly demand that we provide them with the appropriate drugs that will help with transitions...
4. But then again, if my child really feels they are in the wrong body, will my wife and I do what's write by him/her.
5. The US is a very punitive society - Will my child make a stupid comment online at 13 and be kept out of jobs because of it when they're 23?
6. Will my child grow so addicted to his/her phone that they never want to go out?
7. Will my child become unhealthy and obese because of the way the US culture pushes fast food on kids?
8. If my child does become obese and my wife and I try to work with them about it, will we get lectured about "fat shaming"?
9. What about their mental health? I listen to young kids in the US and it seems like they're all fully aware and educated in every definition of each type of mental illness that exists. I realize that there are some people who have mental health problems, but I feel like so many kids use those designations as excuses for not succeeding.
10. Will I be sensitive enough to deal with their legitimate mental health issues?
11. Although I'm from Massachusetts and we do have the most universal health care in the country, lack of affordable health care for our child scares me. Plus, there's no guarantee that we would move back to Mass anyways.
I realize that a lot of these problems exist in Malaysia as well, especially racism (racism is probably worse here in Malaysia) and addiction to devices. But it often seems more manageable here and kids generally seem happier here, despite schools being generally more rigid.
Still, as I keep telling my wife, our goal is to raise this child to be an adult, not just a big kid. I want lead them in the right direction and then allow them to make their own decisions and suffer their own consequences. Can I lead them in that right direction with all of the pressures of American society?
What the hell? What have you been reading??? I would be worried about NONE of those things.
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