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Well she's an adult and should make her own decisions....
However I suspect sleeping in the car will get old fast if she has no experience. One night of that and I promise your daughter will spend the rest of the nights in a hotel room.
Totally possible!
I was that 21 year old, a few years ago. Pre cell phone days. Moved across the country and back a couple of years later, stopping here and there. I loved that experience. Even the parts I didn't tell my parents about for years. Or especially those parts. :lol
But yes, sleeping in a car stinks, especially if the weather is either chilly or hot. I shelled out for motels most nights.
It's NOT a stubborn kid. It's a clingy, controlling parent.
Lol I don't necessarily disagree, I'm in my 20s and I like to do random trips to the fringes of civilization without telling my parents sometimes (using my own money). Last year went up close to the Arctic circle 3000 miles away in mid winter, air temp got to -45f outside. Dad randomly called to check how I was doing on the weekend. I told him I am in Yellowknife and he asks "where the hell is that???" Great trip though.
To be fair to the parents though, I did push my luck once though at age 25, and got severely hurt. Dad had a right to be ticked off that time: despite living independently, I was still on his "26 and under" insurance plan and worked up $1K in medical bills after insurance. Typical invincibility complex. Happy to not be dead.
NorCal seemed pretty safe to drive and camp back in the day (00s) but PNW is pretty dangerous outside of the MSA’s since many rural crimes aren’t logged.
Not sure if a road trip is appropriate at this current time however. Isn’t there any safer alternative you could persuade her into doing instead?
Lol I don't necessarily disagree, I'm in my 20s and I like to do random trips to the fringes of civilization without telling my parents sometimes (using my own money). Last year went up close to the Arctic circle 3000 miles away in mid winter, air temp got to -45f outside. Dad randomly called to check how I was doing on the weekend. I told him I am in Yellowknife and he asks "where the hell is that???" Great trip though.
To be fair to the parents though, I did push my luck once though at age 25, and got severely hurt. Dad had a right to be ticked off that time: despite living independently, I was still on his "26 and under" insurance plan and worked up $1K in medical bills after insurance. Typical invincibility complex. Happy to not be dead.
Yep, that can happen to anyone though even if you are with someone. I know someone who was traveling in a group and got mugged by someone in a motorcycle who grabbed her crossbody bag. She was dragged along the pavement for a while and apparently had to be hospitalized. She ultimately went back to her home country for continued treatment.
FWIW, I had a friend who did what the OP’s daughter is planning on doing when he was 19. I think he traveled all around the US (and possibly went to Canada/Mexico) and happened to meet his first wife at one place he stopped. Overall, he had nothing but great things to say about the experience. I think he occasionally stayed at campsites to have access to shower facilities, but this was in the earlier days of cell phones when service would likely have been poor/nonexistent at many of the places he visited. I had another friend who decided he was going to go move to Mexico for a bit at about the same time when he was around 20, have another friend who is older and decided she wanted to go live in an Indian ashram at that age- it’s just a typical age for exploration.
My mom went traveling around Europe and N.Africa at 19 with a friend who has been pretty prominent in the government scene for a while now, so she’s probably the type who would encourage this.
Our daughter just completed her junior year in college and she's feeling burned out with school. She wants to take a 2-week road trip though northern California and the PNW by herself. The thing that's most distressing to us is that each night on the road she wants to park her car (a crossover vehicle) somewhere in a parking lot or neighborhood and sleep in it. Money is not really an issue; she wants to do it for the "adventure".
Of course my wife and I both understand the need to "get away" once in awhile to gather your thoughts, and especially the need for a young adult to feel independent from his/her parents. I should also mention that she's a very responsible person, studying a very difficult major. She bought her own car with money that she earned herself. We've never been overbearing parents, but regarding this issue we're seriously concerned for her safety traveling alone and especially the part about her sleeping in her car overnight.
Between her being at school and with the pandemic it's been a long time since we vacationed together, so we've asked her to travel with us as a family. Alternatively, we've also offered to pay for her stay at motels each night, but she insists on doing this trip the way she's been planning. She's always been very independent-minded (which we admire in her), but sometimes she can be quite stubborn. We're at least looking to achieve some kind of compromise, such as paying for her to stay in a decent motel each night.
My sister suggested possibly making an offer of a cash deposit into her savings if she agrees to either travel with us or change her plans to something we can all agree on. Personally, I don't like that idea; even though I'm sure she would save it rather than spend it foolishly, it's like buying her out with a bribe.
I'd appreciate any advice dealing with this situation.
Our oldest daughter took a trip out West by herself when she was in medical school. She didn't ask our permission, but did call frequently or text sleeping locations (not always) while travelling. She did NOT travel by interstate and chose state highways to get a better look at the states she travelled through. She slept in her car (by choice) and mostly chose hotel parking lots for sleeping. She did choose to check out places along the way that I would not.
She still choses to travel at a moments notice if she gets a wild hare/hair (money is not an issue) and doesn't bother to tell us. Sometimes it's flying up North to see the Northern lights or even heading to a foreign country where the hotel has "armed guards" around the perimeter of the facility.
We gave up worrying about her long ago as she is an adult, is financially responsible and has a great job. If she is the recipient of the "Darwin Award" ....so be it.
We have another daughter (works a heavy schedule, but also has two weeks off every month- no one she knows has that kind of freedom to travel) currently interested in a three week trip out West. I pass on the risks of the major cities in CA, OR and WA and the current costs of car rental, air fare, gas, hotel....etc. and that's all you can do.
When our kids are legal adults, parents can only give advice. If the travel was during a period where they were on "our dime" .....our financial help would be off limits.
If your daughter can fund her own travels and isn't reliant on you for financial support...she is free to do what she wants.
Last edited by CentralUSHomeowner; 05-28-2021 at 04:47 PM..
Congrats on having such an adventurous child! While I know that you're concerned, I applaud that you recognize her need for freedom, exploration, and a bit of adventure while she's still young and relatively footloose and fancy-free. My own parents didn't keep me from doing such a thing when I was her age (although I now know that they had the same worries and trepidations that you and her mother have--and this was pre-credit cards and cell phone for me) and I'm so grateful that they didn't.
As a woman who's traveled solo off and on since I was your daughter's age (oh, the stories that I could tell!), my advice if she's going to go the sleeping in her car route is to not sleep in random neighborhoods and parking lots, but to take her rest in *very* well-patrolled rest stops preferably near the building itself where it's well-lit and where there most likely will be cameras. Get her some pepper spray and if not a firearm, a small, easily concealed knife (I kept both on my person when I traveled stateside--never abroad). The knife comes in handy for things other than self-defense, so it's nice to have one on hand. For showers, mainstream brand truck stops are excellent (Travel America/Pilot/Love's), cleaner than one might expect, and relatively safe so long as she's remains alert and aware of others.
That being said, I'd keep strongly encouraging her to look into staying in hostels as she can find them; inexpensive motels when she cannot--especially since you're willing to chip in to help her pay for them. If for not other reason, it's nice to have the creature comforts of such places. That and most motels these days offer some sort of decent hot breakfast included in the price of the stay, thus saving a bit of money for both breakfast and lunch if she's smart and takes an extra yogurt and a piece of fruit from the breakfast buffet to save for lunchtime.
Unless I'm headed to a specific city at a specific day/time, traveling free-form sans reservations is the way that I go, so I understand why your daughter might not want to be tied down to needed to be a at, say, at certain place at check-in time. That being said, with concerts and events becoming "things" once more, have her check what events are coming up on her travel route as it can really affect the availability of lodgings. (Ask me how I know, lol!) Keep encouraging her to take her rest at motel/hotels/hostels for most of her trip if you can.
If she doesn't already have a AAA membership either herself or through you, insist that she get one prior to her trip--and not the cheapest plan. Spring for at least the "Plus" plan as it's far more useful when one is far from home base. Be sure that she knows how to change her own tire "just in case," too. (My dad insisted on both when I started driving and it's come in handy over the years for a lot more than road assistance.)
Other than that, it seems as though she's going to do what she's going to do and there's not much other than what I wrote that you can do for your independent, adventurous young adult. Give her a hug, make sure that her car is fully road-worthy (with a real spare/donut and not that useless patch kit!),pack a general first aid kit, snacks, and other supplies, and wish her well on her adventures!
OP, I think this ^^^ is the way to go. Accept that she's going to do what she wants to do. Teach her how to do it safely. And help her plan for a back up (hostels?) for when she gets fed up with sleeping in her car.
I'll be the contrarian and say while I think sleeping in the car would be unpleasant and uncomfortable I think it could actually be safer than a hotel.
A locked car is not particularly easy to get into and certainly not quietly. Leave keys in the ignition and she can leave the scene in ten seconds. She can also lay on the horn and attract attention.
Who else has keys to her car? Probably no one. Who else has keys to her hotel room? Besides the front desk and housekeeping, who knows.
In your locked car you are behind locked doors at all times. In a hotel, you are completely vulnerable going between the car and the room.
She may get told by the police to move on if she parks in a random neighborhood or a shopping mall parking lot or something like that. That may get old fast and then a hotel will look more attractive. She may also decide that not having a convenient bathroom in the middle of the night is no fun. Since you probably can't change her mind, just ask her to keep in touch and to not be afraid to say she has changed her mind about accommodations and wouldn't mind your assistance paying for a hotel.
Truck stops are probably the best places to stop for sleeping in the car over night. Truckers do that all the time and they are always with their trucks lined up side by side. Better than a parking lot or rest area. There's always activity, people coming and going. Make her a list of truck stops along the way.
Get her a CB radio that she can plug into her car. She can have fun talking to truckers.
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She may also decide that not having a convenient bathroom in the middle of the night is no fun. Since you probably can't change her mind, just ask her to keep in touch and to not be afraid to say she has changed her mind about accommodations and wouldn't mind your assistance paying for a hotel. 
